Page 175 of The Sins of Silas

How could you make love to two people and feel so damn lonely afterward?

Roland only wanted fun, and don't get me wrong, he was fun. And Torrin, despite everything, would never accept being with someone who was Soul-Tied to someone else.

I never could have what I once did…and it killed me.

Just as I was almost to my room, a door to my right opened, and Silas wandered out.

Silas.

Guilt washed over me. Shame.

What would he think if he knew what I just did? Would he be disappointed? Repulsed?

I bit my lip to prevent it from trembling and quickly averted my gaze as I continued forward.

I knew we weren’t together anymore, so why was I feeling like I’d betrayed him?

“Lena?”

I froze but didn’t turn around. “Yes?” I whispered.

Silas’s hand gently grasped my arm, and I turned toward him. He frowned, his golden eyes searching my flushed face.

It was just past 1:00 a.m. Why was he up?

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” I croaked. Gods, I couldn’t even pretend to be sober. I didn’t want to think of my messy hair or my potentially smudged makeup. I hoped to the Gods he couldn’t tell what I’d done.

Tears burned in my eyes as I gazed at him. The man I loved more than anything.

Torrin was right.

Damn him for being right.

The sex had been a distraction, a delightful distraction, but like always, the second I saw Silas, my heart sank. Memories of our times together flooded my brain.

Sex with Silas was different. I felt complete when I’d been with him. Cherished. Understood. I felt calm and wild at the same time, worshipped and desired.

I felt loved.

He had always made me feel loved.

My Soul-Tie.

I could never be content without him. I knew this now for certain.

I loved Torrin. I loved Roland. But that love wasn’t like my love for Silas. It couldn’t compare, no matter how badly I wanted it to.

He continued to study me, worry etching his features. “I can tell when you’re lying.” His words set a few tears free, and anger filled his eyes. “Did someone hurt you?” he pressed.

“No.” I shook free of his grasp. “Leave me alone,” I muttered. I didn’t wish to be mean to him, but if he continued, I would break down in this hallway.

I clumsily turned and continued to my room. He followed behind.

“Leave me, Silas. Please.” My voice broke as I grasped my room's doorknob.

“You’re drunk,” he commented, placing a hand over mine. My eyes went to his. “Lena, talk to me.”

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