Page 141 of The Sins of Silas

“You know that, right?” Torrin pressed. “She's always loved you.”

I swallowed an unpleasant lump in my throat. “She fancies Roland in her bed these days,” I said bitterly.

His eyes enlarged, and his gaze darted over to where they sat beside each other on the opposite side of this disgusting cell.

His cheeks flushed slightly. “Without my ability to read minds, I don’t pick up on things as easily,” he admitted. He turned his head back to me, clearing his throat. “And you’re married.”

“No shit.”

“So, why does her being with Roland matter?”

I shot him a nasty glare, then scrutinized Roland as he wrapped his arm around her. “If you don’t understand the difference, you’re dense as hell.”

He sighed, running a hand through his short, white hair. “I’m saying just because she’s with someone else doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you.”

I tilted my head, narrowing my eyes at him.

I hated that the exhaustion in his expression bothered me. I shouldn't give a single shit about him.

His deep brown gaze held mine. “I see the way you look at her. You still love her too, don’t you?”

I curved my head away, inhaling sharply and dramatically resting my head against the wall. My eyes found Lena again, her gaze meeting mine again briefly before she quickly looked away.

I loved her when we were younger. Loved her more than the air that filled my lungs. Loved her more than life itself.

She was my best friend, the only person that ever saw me, truly saw me. She didn't see a prince or a stuck-up Inner Ring boy. Well, not for long, anyway. She saw Quill…and Quill was the real me, even if the name was not.

I had given her all of me…stripped myself bare, and poured my heart, my soul, out to her. I wanted to give her everything this world had to offer. I wanted nothing more than to face every day of the rest of my life with her by my side.

But now? Now, I looked at her and was reminded of five years in hell. Now, I gazed at her ears and was plagued by the thought that while I had given her my entire self, she still didn't trust me enough to give me all of her. Now, I looked at her and saw her soot-filled house and pictured myself weeping on my bedroom floor for six months straight over the memory of her charred corpse.

Now, I stared at her and pictured her eyes rolling back, grinning in pleasure as she was bedded by Roland fucking Aubeze. A smile that, at one point, only belonged to me.

Now, I looked at her, and I wasfurious.

How could I love her when that was my primary emotion? How could I love her when her happiness didn’t bring me happiness? That I was only satisfied when she was mine?

“I don’t know how I feel for her anymore,” I muttered after a beat.

I don’t know how I feel aboutanything.

Torrin also rested his head against the stone wall, eyes narrowing as he stared at the beautiful redhead. “Why did she get so panicked when she saw Polly?” he questioned after a moment. “I've never seen her close in on herself quite like that.”

I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood. “She was raped,” I answered quietly.

A rough gasp escaped Torrin as he snapped his head toward me. His brows lowered, his lip curling. “Who?” he asked in a tone deeper than I'd ever heard uttered from his lips.

My eyes slid to his. “Rurik. Daerin, Geoff, and Jones almost got to her, too, but I found them before they touched her.”

Torrin's hands were shaking against his knees. He lowered them into his lap. “I can assume you took care of them?”

“Of course I did.”

“Good.” He nodded to himself. “Good.”

Torrin sat beside me silently for a few moments. His voice broke as he said quietly, “I’m proud of you.”

I felt significant discomfort in my chest. “Don’t,” I warned in a lowvoice.

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