That answered what I assumed. Viola wasn't in love with me. She simply wanted release.
I pulled my lips to the side, looking away and nodding slowly.
Viola cringed. “That came out wrong. Merrick—”
“No, Viola, I get it.” I rolled my hoop earring between my fingers.“Friends with benefits. That's fine.”
“Once we return to normalcy, whenever that is, maybe we can be something more.”
This fixation Ifelt for Era…this lust…I never felt this magnitude of it before in my life, even when I was thrusting myself into Viola's gorgeous, tight heat. Even as she swirled her tongue on my dick.
What would Era look like with my cock in her mouth? In her pussy?
Wait, what the fuck am I thinking right now?
It was the drugs. That's all this was. Drugs.
She was the first to withdraw, shaking as she did so.
There was no smile on either of our faces as we stared at each other…because there was no denying what just happened. No denying that the desire she felt right now was for me. No denying the desire I felt was for her. Drugs or not.
Guilt flooded her senses, her face crumpling as she eyed Silas's tent.
“Era,” I said softly, and her tearful eyes met mine. “It's the dagga making you feel that way. Not me. Don't feel bad.”
I was lying, of course. Sure, the herb heightened libido. But it wouldn’t make her desireme.
Her hands balled into fists, her lip curling. She went to retort, to say what, I didn’t know. My eyes picked up movement before she could speak.
I tilted my head, watching as Lena exited Silas’s tent. Once again, her emotions overpowered my senses. I swallowed the unpleasantness that washed over me despite the dagga's warmth. Despite Era's.
“How is he?” Era asked a little too loudly, scooting away from me.
“He’s back to his old grumpy self,” she muttered. “He’d like some water.”
My brows creased as Era nodded. She stood, striding away to take care of her husband.
Chapter Thirty-Two
LENA
Silas had thankfully fallen to sleep. Because of the soundproofing spell I did on the tent, no one on the outside knew whether I was done or not.
Part of me wanted to keep it this way for a little while. I watched as his breathing calmed and pushed his sweaty hair out of his face.
I loved how sweet he appeared at rest. How beautiful his face was. Even with that scar.
I ran my thumb along the raised, imperfect flesh. It was deep, that was for sure. But its thinness made me believe it was from a blade of some sort.
Silas let out a small sigh in his sleep as I caressed his cheek, his head tilting to rest against my hand.
I will always love you.
Who was he talking to when he said that? Were those words for me?
It was clear toward the end that Silas was hearing my voice, but his responses were still as if someone else was talking to him.
I had told him I'd always love him, too.