“It’s okay, Akio.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “School is important to you.”
“Yeah, but you’re important to me too.”
As soon as the words tumbled out of my mouth, I wished that I could take them back. You’re important to me too?!
All Nicole cared about was getting a passing grade so she could graduate and go off to live as a trophy wife to Jace.
She didn’t give a shit about me.
“You what?” she asked breathlessly.
Warmth spread throughout my chest. I opened and closed my mouth a handful of times, not knowing what to say. Whether I admitted it again or not, I was screwed. One way, she would laugh in my face at how stupid I was. The other, she’d brush it off like I hadn’t said anything.
I didn’t know which was worse.
“I, um …” I whispered, mouth parched. “I …”
“I’m important to you?” she repeated.
After waving my arms, I cleared my throat. “I—Nicole … I didn’t mean it.”
A long pause, and I couldn’t stop myself from screwing up.
“Oh,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself and turning. “Never mind then.”
Before she could walk away, I grabbed her wrist and twirled her back around. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. Please, don’t be angry or upset with me, Nicole. I just …” I swallowed hard, unsure about what to say. “I …”
“It’s okay,” she said, pushing me away. “I’m just some … pussy to you.”
My chest tightened, and I squeezed her hand tighter. “No, you’re not.”
She plastered the fakest smile on her face that I had ever seen—one she had given Jace the other night—and laughed. “Come on, Akio. It’s fine. That’s what everyone uses me for. I’m used to it. No need to be so uptight about what you?—”
I didn’t know how to get her to stop talking nonsense, so I kissed her.
Fingers laced through her hair. Mouth on hers. Body pressing her into the lockers.
“I’m sorry,” I said, pulling away, suddenly hyperaware that there were other students around and potentially watching the nerdy kid kiss the head cheerleader. I wiped my lips. “I shouldn’t have kissed you here …”
Nicole leaned against the lockers, cheeks flushed and breathing heavily. “Akio?—”
“Come on,” I said, grabbing her hand and leading her down the hallway. “We need to talk, but not here. Somewhere more private.”
CHAPTER
TWENTY-EIGHT
NICOLE
Akio brought me to the library, where a couple of students lounged around during their free period. We sat at a table off to the side and away from the door, near the computers. Akio fumbled with his fingers.
“Nicole,” he whispered, an expression full of anguish crossing his face, “I didn’t mean what I said back in the hall. I … you’re …” He paused again and looked at my hands, as if he wanted to grab them. “I …”
I waited impatiently for him to finish his sentence, for him to explain what he didn’t mean.
Was it you’re important to me or I didn’t mean it?
All I wanted him to say was that I wasn’t just someone he only wanted to hook up with, that I meant more to him than a couple of blow jobs at school, that he wanted me to be in his life because he cared about me.