Page 48 of To Have and to Hold

Tears flowed from me as I realized what he was saying, let myself believe it. Because him… him I could trust. The realness of his warmth, his breath tickling over my skin, the sensation of his touch on me. He was really here. I was really with him. “What happened?” I asked against his chest, choking back more tears, determined to be strong for him. “How?”

He laughed. “I just fucking snatched you and legged it.” He took in a deep breath. “It was a lie, really. We’re away, but we’re not safe. I took you and ran. Shot one of Rafe’s men in his ugly mug with you flung over my shoulder and fled the scene.”

“Theo…”

“I couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t live like that.” He leaned back and cupped my face in his hands, studying my features, taking stock of each one. He kissed my hair, then my forehead, my cheeks, tilted my head up and pressed his mouth to mine, gentle and closed, reverence not lust. “I couldn’t watch what he was doing to you and justwaitfor…” He sighed. “I couldn’t wait a second bloody longer. When I saw he’d left you in that cabin, only a fucking half mile from Charlie’s house? It was over. I didn’t even think.”

“How did you…?”

He kissed me again, only chaste, though still desperate. He groaned and furrowed his brow as he pulled away, studying my face further, not letting his eyes drop further down my body. “It doesn’t matter right now. I’ll explain everything when we’re somewhere safe.”

Christ, I needed him. He grounded me like nothing else. Even in this moment, with my injuries dulled but still causing pain, inthe grief of what had happened, the fear of what was to come, I craved him. It wasn’t even a sexual thing. I knew that my body was raw and ravaged, that having sex would be a bad idea. I didn’t want that. I just wanted to be as close to him as possible, to crawl inside his body, to have him live inside me, connected, whole together. He was my other half, matched me, made me whole. My chestachedwith so much relief to have him near, my mind struggled to comprehend it.

Without thought, I climbed onto his lap, my thighs either side of his, my core pressing to his cock, ignoring the sting of pain from the movement. “I need you to take me, Theo,” I whispered, knowing the discomfort would be worth it. It was a stupid idea, but a desperate one. If Theo could replace what had happened... “I need him to not be the last one inside me. Please.”

“You’re injured, so injured…”

I shook my head. “Heal me with it,please.”

“No, beautiful,” he said, muttered against my lips. “Your injuries are…” He gulped. “I can’t. Won’t. You need to mend.”

“Please, Theo, I can’t bear the thought of him here.” I grabbed Theo’s hand and pressed it against my pussy through what I could only assume were his boxers on my body. I winced and twitched at the discomfort the pressure caused, but didn’t let him go.

“Ah, fuck,” he groaned, and I felt him harden beneath me, his cock growing against my thigh. The world still spun, my body still wrestled with numbness and excruciating pain, but I could focus on him there, the way his fingers soothed as he moved them, drifting towards the hem of the boxers.

I cried out when he touched my bare skin, grazed along a slice of blood, a wound I didn’t even know I had. Theo sighed, pained, but didn’t withdraw his fingers. I wrapped my arms around his neck and settled my head on his shoulder. “Please,” I whimpered again, his touch bringing me back to life.

“I won’t fuck you,” he said, his fingers stroking across the lips of my pussy, still so tender, so wrecked. “But I’ll make you feel good.” He paused. “Carefully. Don’t move. Let me do this.”

He rubbed my clit, the contact so delicate it was almost maddening. But as I kissed his neck, and he stroked my back, he kept his fingers on my clit. Soft circles, so careful and gentle, with such reverence, it made me cry. Tears dropped to his shoulder as I breathed him in, focused on his smell, his pulse, his touch. I cried against his skin while he worked to heal my soul. It wouldn’t be easy, perhaps never whole again, not truly, but with him, it seemed possible. He’d freed me, got me out, I had to let myself believe that.

My toes curled up when I came, a gentle orgasm that rolled through my body like it was trying to take care of me, too. No spasming, no violence, only a soft rolling wave from my brother’s touch.

Freedom. He said I had it.

“Thank you,” I muttered to him, kissing his skin, licking at it to get as much of him into me as I could. He wouldn’t push himself into my body with or without consent, but I craved it. So bad, I craved to feel his love inside me again, to let him light me on fire in the best way. But he cared for me differently. “Thank you,” I repeated.

“Hush,” he responded, sliding his fingers free of my pussy and wrapping his arms around me, holding me tight, just gripping onto me while I cried, broke against him. He stroked my spine, muttered soothing words, hummed a tuneless melody until my heart beat calmed, and my tears slowed.

“We have to move,” he said after a long stretch of silence just existing together. I nodded, and he helped me climb into the front passenger seat before settling behind the wheel, adjusting himself and frowning at the dark expanse of road looming.

“Where are we going?” I asked, looking ahead. Not a single car had come by since I’d woken up, so we had to be in the middle of nowhere. And the middle of nowhere, USA, was a much vaster prospect than I was used to.

“I have no fucking idea,” Theo responded, and started the car.

Chapter 27

Theo

Ourfirstofficialstopwas a motel. A shitty, dirty motel I’d researched as I drove, making sure it was off the beaten track with only a minimal online presence. We were far from Rafe’s compound now, almost a full night’s drive away, but I was still on edge. Someone could be right behind us,hecould be right behind us. I wasn’t exactly subtle when I charged into his compound and took his wife, and I didn't know quite how far the church's reach was. They knew who I was, that I didn’t have a plan.

I winced when I walked into the room, but was glad the attendant had barely even looked at us when I handed over the cash. He kept his eyes on his phone as he plucked the key from the wall and plonked it into my hand. Stopping so soon unsettled me, but Violet needed to rest, to wash and sleep, stretched out wide and comfy for a least a few hours.

She hadn’t even noticed me swap cars twice while she’d been unconscious. Dressing her, lifting her from one car to the other, and not a flinch, no response whatsoever. When she woke up, said my name… I about died in relief.

But I had no phone. Cash, a bag full of food, pilfered from Charlie’s kitchen without a second thought given, water and medicine, and fuck all else apart from my gun. I’d watched those men pile into the cabin I knew Violet was in, and couldn’t take it anymore. At the first opportunity, I took her.

Violet sighed and collapsed onto the bed before I could check it was clean. I frowned, but let her, blocking the door with the rickety desk and pausing to watch the parking lot through the window. Tension had my body aching, unable to relax, as I waited for a convoy of Rafe’s cars to sweep in, kill me and take her. Or maybe torture us both. Rafe wasn’t above that. Keeping us, using us, making me pay in every way he could imagine.

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