Page 57 of To Have and to Hold

“Hey!” someone shouted, and I flinched, looking up and bracing for some big meathead of Rafe’s to be charging at me. But the yell came again, and I watched as a businessman raced up to another and embraced him. The cheerful scene just made my gut sink. Two happy men chatting away, patting each other on the back with no idea of how dark the world could get. I observed them for a beat longer than polite.

Then, by the entrance to the platform, a man staring at me and talking into his phone. His eyes were cold, stony even, and like a fucking hawk on me. Everything tensed, and when he caught me looking at him, he flashed a smirk.

How?

So soon? Surely not.

We stared at each other, even as other people walked between us, neither of us made a move. I couldn’t do anything. He might just be a creep. A coincidence that it looked like he was watching me. If I moved, would he move too? Would he follow me? Chase me? Every fiber of my being told me to flee, my instinct burning me alive. But I didn’t. Not yet.

I couldn’t go back there. I couldn’t go back there.

When he shifted, I jumped up. My legs carried me without my say so, but not away, not from the station, right to the edge of the platform.

I couldn’t go back there. No. No Rafe. Not that compound, that room, that life. Couldn’t. Go back.

My toes curled in my too-big shoes and I saw the man move in the periphery of my vision. Someone else was with him now, and they were walking with intent. As soon as I knew. The second I did. Jack. Rafe’s man. The first man was Jack’s brother, his twin, always looming and watching. I recognized them both with a slam of pain in my gut.

No. No no no. How did they know? How did they find me? I’d hadn’t even been out of the apartment for half an hour. This wasn’t fair. Wasn’t right. I needed more time.

Theo, I needed Theo.

An announcement came over the loudspeaker, the train at my platform would arrive soon. I bit my lip. Memories of Rafe overwhelmed me, like he was grabbing at me again, hurting me, punishing me for not giving him what he deserved. My hand fell to my stomach, touching the wasteland that laid under my skin. Why didn’t it give him what he attacked me for? I was useless. Theo would be better off if I left him. He could move past this depraved obsession and live a normal life. I needed him, and it must be suffocating for him. So much pressure. No wonder he’d… no, he hadn’t meant those words.

Jack and his brother were almost on top of me, only a few steps away, pushing and shoving through the crowds gathering at the edge of the platform to be first on the carriages. The train would be rolling into the station any minute, so close to me losing my chance. I squeezed my eyes shut, tears falling free and heavy down my cheeks.

Could I do it? Could I really? Not doing it was a fate worse than death. Running from the safety of Theo and falling straight back into Rafael’s arms was a fate worse than hell.

I turned to the platform, inched my feet closer to the edge. Daring to look over my shoulder, I saw Jack there, closer, closer than his brother, the one whose name I didn’t know. He’d kept his distance in that house, happy to watch the others take from me instead. But Jack, he’d forced his penis into my mouth that night. He’d laughed at what Rafe did to me. I would never forget his face, his voice. My heart broke when I realized it would still be one of the last I saw. Even though I’d escaped, it would still be the face of one of my tormentors men I would jump to the grave with.

I lifted my foot to step over the ledge and fall onto the tracks, but someone grabbed the back of my shirt. Jack. His slimy hands on me made me scream, wrestle, fight.

“Let me go!” I yelled, trying to turn and swat at him. It was precarious. I was hanging over the edge, I could take him with me.

“Stop it, you little bitch!” he growled, ignoring the crowd as they swarmed and backed away from the fight. Someone cried for me not to do it, that this was permanent and my pain wasn’t, but they didn’t fucking understand. I wrestled with Jack, stamped on his foot to make him let go.

“Fuck you,” I hissed, twisting around and smacking his fat fucking face. “Fuck you!”

“Oh, you will,” he said with a laugh even as his cheek reddened, reaching into his jacket pocket with his free hand to pull out his gun. His brother, my other tormentor, raised his weapon too, pointing it at my head while someone screamed, yells of the police and security being called echoed through the platform. “You don’t think Rafe wants anything to do with your pathetic body now? He’s got your sister. Young and fertile. Not used up and abused like you. You’ll be left to the dogs like me.”

Sobbing, I tried to yank myself out of my shirt, all my dignity gone. I didn’t care anymore. If I went under that train, the one I was sure I heard approaching, I wouldn’t be able to think about Margaret, about Amaryllis, they’d be someone else’s problem. But he grabbed me, harder, his grip curling around my bicep as I attempted to kick out at him.

“Please,” I sobbed, my voice hoarse. No one was helping me, no one was trying to pull him off. Just men, I saw the faces of men, watching, leering. Demonic faces swirling and smirking as I fought and struggled with this monster.

The train. It was here. This was my moment. I still had it in me.

“VIOLET!” a voice called from far away, almost like it was coming from the afterlife. It was too beautiful, too desperate. I smiled, peace washing over me. The train was here.

I yanked on my devil and fell backwards.

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