Page 42 of To Have and to Hold

A sudden, sharp pain stabbed into my thigh and I cried out, buckling as blood began pouring down towards the bed. I spluttered, losing my balance as the agony struck again.

“You weren’t listening to me,” Rafe growled, twisting the blade in my thigh until it ground into bone, sending daggers of agony radiating up and down my body. “You were off in that dirty little head of yours, not here with your husband.”

“S-sorry,” I cried, clenching up every muscle, then screaming when the sting of the knife scraped beneath my skin. It was a sickening sensation, one whose weight I was unable to bear.

“Stay still,” he commanded. “Don’t move.”

I tensed up, tears falling from my eyes, making me feel so bloody stupid as he moved the blade. He kept going, carving something into my skin, a word. I counted each letter. Six times, he lifted the knife out and plunged it back in. Six times I winced and froze, terrified of what he might do next. Theo, Theo, Theo. I let his face drift across my vision, his laugh, the grumble of his whisper when he told me pretty things. I wasn’t with this pain. No, I was with Theo.

At last, Rafe stopped, stepping away to admire his work. I heard the click of his phone as he took a photo, then he huffed a laugh and struck me over the carving, sending a hoarse shriek from my throat, one I bit back before it truly started, not wanting to give him the sound of my suffering. Despair threatened, a black cloud fogging over my dreams of Theo.

“You can scream now,” he teased, and slapped me again, his palm slamming onto my sensitive, injured thigh. For a moment, I didn’t want to allow him the satisfaction, but then I thought better of the defiance and cried out when he struck me over and over. Fake. I was faking it now. Playing the part. I had to be.Please.

He sighed after countless more beatings. “This isn’t good enough. You’ve upset me tonight.” He dragged me up by my hair again and brought me to the floor by his feet. “Your brother has pissed me off tonight. Sneaking around. You’d think the fucking heir to the kingdom your father built would show more decency.”

My brow furrowed, Theo hadn’t said. But then we’d spent little time talking. But of course, he was there at the party, representing the family. He was in Charlie’s place now.

Rafe’s grin turned wicked at the sight of my bewilderment. “Oh, big brother didn’t tell you? He’s the only one that ever had anything to say against our union, you know? He didn’t have the power to stop it. But now he does.”

Confusion addled my brain as Rafe dragged me across the bedroom and into the bathroom, my feet, my body, tangling and dragging against the carpet. He turned the bath tap on, put the plug in, and made me watch the steaming water fill the tub with his fist twisted into my hair.

“He has all the power, only less than your father. Maybe more, because he’s here,” Rafe continued. “And he’s happy to keep you sacrificing. We’ve discussed it at length, you barren little slut.”

No, there’s no way that was true. It was lies. Lies. I breathed in the steam from the hot water to calm myself, even as the porcelain edge of the bath dug into my rib cage. He pushed me until my bones creaked, and I winced, but made no sound. I didn’t want him to have my fear anymore.

Rafe laughed, bracing with his legs either side of my body. He rubbed his erection across the back of my head, grinding me further into the bath until it was so tight I was breathless, couldn’t catch any air. “You’re so pathetic. What kind of eighteen-year-old can’t get pregnant? Maybe you’re broken. Barren. Maybe it’s just dust in that dirty womb of yours.”

Tears leaked from my eyes as he continued to crush me against the tub as it filled with the steaming water.

“I’m going to let everyone use you. Can’t kill you yet,” he told me, words thick and breath heavy with the sour alcohol. “You’re a waste of space that not even your family care for. You slut, bitch, barren fucking waste of time. Only good to join the women in the barracks, holes for every horny man who passes through here.” With each insult, he slammed his hips into the back of my head, making me cry and yelp despite myself. The brief moment he lifted his weight was all I had to suck in some air. It was weak, foggy air from the steam, but it was relief.

When the bath was full to near overflowing, he heaved me up and threw me into the burning water. Scrambling, I tried to get up, get out. It burned, scalded at my flesh, flowed into my mouth and nose like fire. But his hands were there, on me, holding me down.

Maybe this was it. Maybe his words were empty and death was finally here. I should fight, should fucking fight. But I didn’t. I relaxed. I let my body sink into it, let my head fall under the water. Bliss. It could be bliss. A few minutes and it would all be over. Maybe Rafe would take it too far this time…

Then he yanked me up, slapped me across the cheek as I spluttered, sucking in air on instinct. I saw only the devil above me as he spat on my face before returning me to the water.

Come on, bliss. Take me. Take me home. Away from here.

Heaved up again, a slap around the cheek, two fingers shoved right to the back of my throat while I wailed and choked.

“Pathetic, pathetic,” Rafe repeated, pressing my wet face to his hard cock, which he’d freed at some point, so his disgusting shaft squashed against my cheeks. I couldn’t open my mouth enough to let it in, but he didn’t care, he just rubbed my face in it like I was a dog who’d messed on the carpet.

Then I was back under the water, drowning. Please. Drowning. Dying. Please please please.

Drown.

As oblivion arrived, blackness around my vision, my lungs a burning bonfire, he lifted me out and threw me to the floor. I tried to crawl away, to get any kind of footing, but he didn’t let me. Every time I got my feet under me, he kicked them out, so my body dragged along the tiles, leaving a trail of blood and skin. Hair ripped from the follicles as he gripped me at my scalp again and pulled me from the bathroom, from my room and down the corridor until we reached the stairs.

He paused for a moment, holding me braced over the edge of the top step. “You’re good for nothing,” he told me. “If there isn’t a baby in you by next month, I’ll find another use for you. And you won’t fucking like it.”

He let go, and I felt every bump and crash as my body slammed into each step, into the wall and the railing, my head smashing against the molding and making my vision fuzzy. I landed at the bottom, disorientated and struggling for breath, and as my sight blackened, Rafe stepped into my line of sight, looking every inch the devil he was.

Why he didn't kill me, I didn't know. My family wouldn't care. He could find someone else to fulfil his needs. But instead, he teased me with it, toyed with my life on a knifes edge, never letting it slice through.

Death was my enemy. Because it was just out of reach.

Chapter 23

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