Page 36 of To Have and to Hold

“We will deal with that later,” Rafe said, his voice so measured and cold it sent a shiver through me. “Now come here, bitch. On your knees.”

This time, I moved right away, a tear leaking from my eye as I scrambled around his desk and bent my body to the ground, still so sore from earlier. Rafe turned in his chair and directed me to sit between his legs. I did, and he grabbed my chin to force me to look at him.

“Will you be good?” he asked. “No more little shows of defiance? I’ve been kind to you so far. You don’t want to see what I will do when I’m not feeling kind. That brother of yours, little Theo, I can see in his eyes he's not all in. Don't give him a reason to push."

I whimpered and nodded through his grip. He studied me for a moment, looking across every inch of my face, his gaze burrowing into my eyes as if he could clock any thought of rebellion. Eventually, he relaxed, dropped his hand, and leaned back. It was a small mercy he could never see inside my mind.

“Suck my cock,” he said. “I need a release and there’s nothing better than knowing you don’t like it.”

I sucked his cock with no complaint, not giving him my fear, my pain. And when he came down my throat, with no mention of shoving his seed into my pussy, I didn’t know whether I should be afraid of it or relish it.

But Theo. I was going to see Theo. He was here. So close, and for good. I just needed to see him. A glimpse.

And Charlie. My brother was dead. It felt transformative, like something big was on the horizon. Excitement bled into my harrowed mood for once, and as Gabe returned me to my bedroom with instructions to clean myself and rest until the party, I found, for the first time, I wanted the evening to come.

—

Lucy dressed me, helping me into the long silver gown, corseting up the back and tugging the sleeves down to make sure my damaged wrists remained covered. I had to wear a chunky bracelet to hide the scar from where I’d tried to kill myself, but otherwise, the dress hid all sins. She was rougher with me than usual, her jaw tense and her eyes a little harder, but she still remained in total silence.

Another woman came in an hour later to do my make-up and hair, and left again, with not a single word shared between us. Ifelt like a primped up turkey, pressed and dressed, decorated for display but rotting underneath. No one told me anything, and I waited, listening to the guests pile in as the sun set.

I didn’t even know what this party was for, let alone who else was coming. I’d listened to the planners while exposed on the floor, but that was it. Nothing stayed in my mind.

Picking at the hem of my dress, I remained there. No stranger to parties like this. I only wanted to go for Theo. For some food, if I was lucky.

Finally, Gabe came to fetch me, holding the door open and directing for me to follow him. “It’s busy down there,” he said as he matched my still tentative pace. Heels were not conducive to healing, and my calves strained. “Rafe wants you at his side for a few hours.”

“Is Theo there?” I blurted, unable to hide my excitement from this man I trusted with about 7% of my mind. He was Rafe’s, that I knew, but he’d shown me kindness. It was hard not to latch onto that.

“Theo is there,” Gabe told me, but his tone was cold. No more questions, okay.

When I said nothing, Gabe sighed and stopped. He dug into his pocket and handed me a protein bar. “Eat that down,” he demanded. “Rafe won’t let you touch the food out there.”

I nodded and wolfed down the nutty bar, enjoying the occasional chip of chocolate mixed in. “Thank you,” I muttered.

“Of course,” Gabe responded, pocketing the packaging. “Just… be careful. Demure, you know. Patient.”

“I can do that.” I braced myself as we started walking again.

The party noise picked up as we reached the ground floor, and the decorations I’d heard discussed came into view. Gabe’s hand on the small of my back made me jolt, but I didn’t move away from it as he directed me through the large double doors and into the party.

Theo. I just needed to find Theo.

Chapter 20

Theo

Everythingmovedfastoncethe news of Charlie’s death got out.

Connor arrived at the house to find me cleaned up, sitting on the porch next to the bag of my blood-splattered clothes to bury or incinerate later. In the two hours it took him to reach me, I’d managed to change the screen on the laptop, hiding any sign of the hacked CCTV, not even Connor needed to know that yet, and I had completed the task without pressing any new fingerprints into the splatters of red. Just had to dodge my brother’s body, ignoring the way he stared up with eyes just like mine. He didn’t even look accusing, just a bit surprised. It was such a weak end for the man, a last splutter of air from his lungs, a weak little gasp as he left the world. No fight. No big finish. Just a quiet end.

I knew how these things went. I’d been trained well to kill fast and cover my tracks. Leave a mess, but not any DNA. No evidence, just chaos. Fear. Whatever was demanded of me. Andthis was my bedroom, so I only needed to avoid adding evidence into the fresh blood. My fingerprints would be everywhere, anyway.

None would look more suspicious, if anything. Like I was hiding something.

But I needed a story. I was unsure how Dickhead Dad would take it. If he’d kill me for killing Charlie or accept it as a change of power he had no control over. But if I was gone too, the next in line would be Violet, or Connor, and I knew he didn’t want that. He'd be even worse at pretending to enjoy the cult life than me.

If I came up with a believable enough lie, one Father wouldn’t believe but could push out to the masses, then it would be fine. No love lost.

---