Page 22 of To Have and to Hold

Life was spent waiting. For pain, for it to all bloody end. I just waited. Not a thing was under my control. Not the food I ate, the people I socialized with, the books I read. I didn’t even have authority over my clothes, the temperature of the room. Nothing. If they wanted me to freeze, I did. If they wanted me to starve, I would.

So I drifted, moved from surface to surface, tried to stretch out my tired limbs and think of ways to change things. What could I use in the room to kill my husband? Myself? Could I throw this lamp at the next person to barge their way in and make a break for it? How far would I get? Were there other women out there suffering the same fate?

I sighed, leaned my head against the cold glass of the window. It looked down on the compound, stretching off into the distance before turning into woodland. But it was a foggy day, not much visible for me to watch from up here, just heavy mist blanketing everything interesting. It could be a beautiful place, moody almost, in that cool way that works so well on an autumnal English day. But I would never see that again. I was never going home. Life there wasn’t much freer than here, but at least it was beautiful. At least I didn’t get hurt every day.

A knock on the door made me jump. No one ever knocked, they just charged their way in and demanded of me.

“H-hello?” I called, bracing myself for what it might be. A maid, Lucy, came in a few times a day to leave or take food. Lucy would also take the laundry from the bathroom and clean the room up, wiping surfaces, dusting, running a vacuum cleaner over the floors. All without looking at me, without saying a word. Whenever I tried, she’d tense up, like she was afraid, so I stopped even acknowledging her. Just watched as she replaced my uneaten food with a fresh plate.

Rafe made me change the bedsheets every day, but he didn’t stay every night. Unlike his declaration that he would always share a bed with his wife, he never did. I mostly existed alone, or in pain.

But I still had to strip the bed down of my assault each time he left, and he would come back and check to make sure. Lucy took the sheets away, returning with clean piles whenever I ran low. A routine, an obsession on Rafe’s part.

Routine happened so fast, even in captivity.

I stiffened when the bedroom door opened at an unusual time, and one of Rafe’s underlings slipped into the room, a dark smirk on his face as he shut the door behind him, his movements careful, silent. My hackles rose as I twisted from the window and stood straighter. What was he doing here without Rafe? Theonly one who came in without him was Gabe, and that wouldn’t happen unless he needed to tend to an injury or five. But there was a bone-deep resignation that made me sick to my stomach, too. Did it matter why this man was here? The outcome would remain the same. But I couldn’t do it. This man wasn’t powerful. He was a little shit who followed Rafe around with a big head and a creepy smile. He wasn’t a man to be afraid of, to bow down to.

And I had a feeling Rafe didn’t know he was here.

“What do you want?” I asked, not bothering to bite my tongue, needing, bloodyneeding,to stand up for myself. My mind jumped around to all the things I could use to defend myself. Lucy had been careful to remove anything I might use hurt myself from both rooms after that first night in the other house, and the best I could do was a paperback about Victorian England and their fucking trade routes. I thought it was some kind of joke, but I’d read the bloody thing from cover to cover for something to do.

“Rafe’s not here,” the guard said, and I wracked my mind for his name. His hair was mousy red, short, and scruffy. He probably wasn’t that much older than me, but the darkness in him had twisted him up and made him ugly. I found it hard to believe Rafe had gone anywhere without him. He was always there, observing at meal times, waiting outside doors. Even so, the words ‘Rafe’s not here’ set me on edge.

“You best leave, then,” I said, stepping back, finding only a wall. No freedom.

The guard scrunched up his nose, frowned, and tilted his head. “But he said when he’s not here, I’m the man of the house. And I want to see what’s between the legs of the lady of the house.”

“Get away,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady even though my heart pounded in my chest. “He’ll kill you.”

He laughed. “He won’t. He doesn’t care about you. As long as I use a condom and don’t cum in your pussy, he won’t give a fuck. He’ll probably give me a pat on the back and a bourbon while my cocks still sticky with you.”

I shook my head, but he came even closer. Speeding up until he was right in front of me, our toes touching. The cool leather of his shoes chilled my bare toes. When his hand reached out to grab my chin in that proprietary way Rafe always did, I dropped my body, making him grasp air above my head as I scrambled away, under his arm and to the other side of the room as quick as my legs would move. Sometimes, I felt like I was atrophying in here, so it was good to know I could still move fast when I needed to.

I would never run from Rafe like this, but no. I wasn’t having another man use me. No.

“What the fuck! Come back here, you bitch!” he growled and turned to me, rage twisting his face up as he rushed to me again. "Your body is mine."

“Rafe!” I screamed, absolutely despising myself for calling that bastard’s name. But one man inside me by force was enough. I couldn’t take more and survive, I knew that. I knew it would snap something in my mind for good. And I didn’t want that yet. If I had to stay here, live all this, I wasn’t ready to lose the last of my sanity. “Someone, help!”

The man laughed and chased me, slamming into me again, forcing my body against the door, making it rattle while I squirmed and fought. I hammered my fists onto the wood, determined, before he yanked me away and shoved me to the floor. The lack of food and exercise was keeping me weak. And even now, a wash of dizziness rushed over me as the prick loomed, spreading his legs and beginning to unbuckle his belt.

“Please,” I muttered, horror washing over me at the sight of his hands on his zipper, squeezing my body up and just bloodypraying for something to stop this. Not another one. Not another man. Another awful person come to take, take take…

The door swung open, and Gabe rushed in, harried and stressed out, his brow furrowed and anger radiating from him. It took him less than a second to take in the scene. “What the fuck, Les?” he said, his tone full of disgust. But for once, that disgust wasn’t directed at me, it was towards the man in the room, the one about to bloodytake.

And now, Gabe was staring at his colleague as though he wanted to murder him. He looked unbridled, untethered without Rafe here to keep an eye on him.

“Get the fuck out of here, Gabe,”Lessaid, though he had stopped working his belt open. He still stared down at me, licked his lips like he couldn’t wait to have my body. I felt too scared to move, like it might spook him into action. I thought….. I thought I was only Rafe's, at least for now, at least if I did nothing wrong.

Les tried to pull his cock free, but Gabe, he wouldn’t let him. Relief washed over me when Gabe grabbed Les by the collar and yanked him back, holding him by the stretching fabric until they were at eye level. Les didn’t look half as scary with his toes scraping the carpet. “Leave now, or I’ll tell Rafe you were about to fuck her without a condom,” Gabe threatened through gritted teeth.

My brow furrowed for a moment at the second mention of a condom. My hand landed on my stomach, imagining a child growing in there. God, I hoped that never happened. Bringing a child into this would be the worst thing possible.

“Fuck you, Gabe,” Les spat. “Rafe wouldn’t do anything to me, and you know it.” He gestured to me. "She's just as much a whore as the rest of them."

“That may be the case, but you have family members, don’t you? You know Rafe wants her for himself for now. What do you think he would do?"

Les’s demeanor shifted, his shoulders slumped. Gabe had him. “You bastard.”

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