Page 12 of To Have and to Hold

Violet

Thebedherewashigh off the floor, on a circle platform, and so tall my dangling toes just brushed the plush carpet beneath. He’d told me to keep my heels on, demanded I sit here, dressed in the underwear he’d purchased, with my heels still strapped to my ankles, and wait for him. It made me small, insignificant, cheap. All the truth. Though I suppose not that cheap, considering the clear cost of this wedding. This room was… unique. The platformed bed framed with a display of blades, blood stained gauzy fabrics hanging down the walls. What looked like a bird bath with a skull carved into it perched in the corner, moon and candlelight bathing it.

One of Rafe's cronies dropped me off here and told me to prepare. Didn't tell me how, though. My escort should have been my family, but Mother had been too drunk and Father hadn't cared. They took me from the party after I'd pledged to Rafe anew, bowing at his feet, and forced me to wait.

While I waited, I let my mind wander to Theo, and despite everything in this bleak situation, he brought a smile to my face. The sting of him entering me hadn’t lasted long, and was soon followed by bliss. I hoped he wasn’t too beaten up about what I’d asked him to do. He’d had an orgasm, after all, sending it flying in ropes over my wedding dress before vowing to do anything for me.

But then he’d left. Kissed the top of my head and told me to wait a few minutes. So I did. Used. Small. Insignificant. Even if that’s what it was for him, for me, it was more. Important. Big. I wasn’t a virgin. Rafe didn’t have that. All the money, all the fuss, and he didn’t possess that. And that mattered to him. To whatever he was about to do. Maybe this farce was real and I would screw up his rituals, make his businesses fail and his hair fall out… maybe it meant something. Maybe it meant nothing.

When the door clicked open and Rafael walked in, my stomach hit the floor. Dread washed over me with prickles and pins across my skin. I’d spent the majority of the day at his side, in his company, but this felt the first time he truly looked at me, studied me as if he was trying to decide whether to devour or kill. I ducked my head down, praying for my racing heart to steady. We were alone, no one to put on any kind of show for, which surprised me after the performance that was today. His true, evil self wasn't rippling under the surface of his skin anymore, it was right there, emanating like a hellish beacon as he sucked all the air from the room.

“Look at me,” he demanded, and I squeezed my eyes shut. He sighed, closed the door behind him, and moved around the strange space. I heard the tinkling sound of metal hitting metal, his cufflinks, placed in the bowl by the entrance, then a scrape on the stone floor as he pushed his shoes off before coming closer.

My insides clenched with fear when he stopped at the foot of the bed in just a few long strides, his domineering gaze heavy,even though I kept my eyes downcast so I wouldn't have to see it. If I could just sink into my head, imagine it was Theo coming to see me, I would be able to get through this. If Rafael made me watch him, forced me to engage with what was happening, I thought I might die. After spending most of the day in a state of numbness, pushing everything down into a lockbox in my gut, a few more minutes wouldn't hurt.

“Look at me,wife,” he repeated, the bite in his voice stronger. “You can look at me willingly, or I can make it so you can’t tear your eyes away. Do you know how much your eyeballs burn when you can’t blink? When they dry out into husks, leathery and desiccated?” He paused. I did nothing. “Do you want to find out?”

“No,” I managed to breathe out. “Please, no.”

He chuckled. “Good, so look at me.”

That time, I did. I wholly believed that he would harm me, break me, force my eyes to stay open and watch while he did unimaginable things to me. When my gaze clashed with his, I saw only darkness. Pits of black. Even when he smiled, there was just emptiness.

“I’m going to take it easy on you tonight. I only need one thing,” he told me, waving his hand in my general direction like I was dirt on the floor. “Unbutton my shirt, strip me bare, and place my clothes on the chair.”

I remembered my mother telling me to oblige him the small things, and he might be more forgiving with the big, so I jolted up, my hands flying to his white shirt to open each button with slow, careful movements. No one told me what to expect here, what this ritual would be. So I clung to his words, he didn't need much tonight…

Working down his chest, I wasn’t surprised to see muscles. He was a big man, domineering in every space. He walked around like the power he held over everyone was physical, too. And hewas certainly stronger than me. I was not a slight woman. I had meat and curves that I thought he would hate, chastise me for, but he only watched me with a frightening lust. Despite my size, I knew he would snap me in half if he wanted.

Once I stripped his shirt away, leaving his muscular torso bare, I deposited it on the chair as directed, and glanced down at his trousers. Belt, button, zipper…

“Now, little wife,” Rafael urged. My hands shook as they worked his belt, as I popped the button, pulled down the zipper, and tugged the fabric down his thighs. I had to bend to get his feet free, scooping his legs out one at a time,touchinghis warm skin. I refused to look at his body as I placed his trousers on the chair.

“I’m still wearing underwear. Socks, too,” he goaded.

I didn’t let myself hesitate as I pulled his black boxer briefs down, nor as I peeled his socks from his feet. There was nothing left. He was bare for me now. I should be more powerful, still dressed, but it felt like I’d unleashed a weapon.

“Your turn,” he said, making me stiffen up. I didn’t turn around, still by the chair, folding his clothes into small parcels to delay the inevitable. I’d already dropped the pin under one of the bed pillows, hoping he wouldn’t look there before the time came, so this should be fine. Itshould.

“Panties first. I want to see that ass. Stay facing the way you are and bend that beautiful spine down for me so I can stare at the holes I’m going to possess.”

A tear leaked from my eye as I followed his command, peeling the lace away, bending so my cheeks spread and he could see it all. I had to remember, Theo was there first. Theo made me feel good, he gave me an orgasm and claimed my body for his own. He was keeping it safe. He would always keep it safe.

Rafe groaned and laughed to himself, and I heard what sounded like flesh on flesh, like he was touching himself. Unlike when I’d heard it from Theo, this made my gut curl in disgust.

“Look at that virgin pussy,” he said to himself. “So pink and fresh and unused. Come here, I want to taste it.”

My heart skipped a beat, a war of both pleasure at defying him, and that he’d somehow be able to tell that only hours ago, my brother was inside me. I’d washed myself out in the toilets at the reception, but there was no doubt any signs of my virginity were gone. Would he be able to taste it? The remnants of the blood? Or my brother’s pre-cum?

“Shall I remove my bra first?” I asked, straightening up and turning to face him, my waxed pussy on display with my soft stomach.

Rafael planted himself on the bed, thick thighs spread wide, and nodded. I tried to feel empowered as I peeled my white bra away and exposed my breasts to him. I lied to myself that it was a brave thing to do, a powerful thing and I squashed down any emotion that it was scary, wrong, abusive. And I walked towards him, my nakedness to his.

I expected him to make me lie down so he could lick me, like Theo had, but he didn’t, of course he didn't. He lifted a finger to between my legs and ran it through the lips of my pussy, purposeful as he missed my clit and coated his finger in my juices. I hoped they tastedvirginal.The thought made me a little sick. The obsession with it, that someone had bought me for it.

And when his slick finger slipped between his lips and he groaned, it solidified for me how much of a contrast the entire hideous thing was. In that moment, he didn’t look so scary, so domineering. He looked a bit stupid. Gullible.

Then his eyes flashed open and his hand wrapped around my throat, lifting and throwing me to the bed. I bounced, but his grip didn’t move as he maneuvered himself on top of me. Ithought I was done for, that he knew, that somehow, he could taste the lack of virginity on me. So I braced, waited for him to do whatever torturous thing he had in mind.

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