Page 123 of Brutal Obsession

Cian springs to life behind my eyes.

The way he gazed at me when he caught up with me in the streets of Waikiki.

His perfect mouth like an eternal spring that brought me to life with every kiss.

How he holds me so tight, like he never wants to let me go.

The way he puts himself on the line for me, over and over.

I’m so warm-hot-bubbly-frantic inside that I might die.

Riley hits me with the same look our mom used to give us whenever she’d bust us stealing cookies from the jar.

“If Cian Mahoney is that person to you, I think you owe it to yourself and to him to say something.”

When we fall asleep hours later, my sister’s sage words still blaze in my mind.

Chapter 36

Cian

Darren’s still in the medical unit from injuries he sustained during the final push to kill Enzo. Finn got him out while Riley and Rory finished the job. Darren thought he was fine, but the idiot lost a fuck-ton of blood. Damn near passed out yesterday once we finally made it back.

That’s the only reason he’s not with us in the smoking lounge on the estate’s first floor.

The room is outfitted with hardwood floors and wall paneling with cushy leather-upholstered furniture. Off to the right, Rory monopolizes the billiard table, playing against himself. Finn smokes in the armchair to my left.

He doesn’t think I notice, but he’s been watching me over the entire past hour.

Maybe he’s trying to be available to me. In case I need to…talk.

Like talking would help.

I’m drowning in chaos here, trying to imagine a life without Harper now that she’s decided to leave the Kings. Before we returned, I worried that she’d never want to see me again after getting snatched on my watch.

When she told me to make love to her, even after everything, I almost died from relief.

There’s something about Harper that’s unforgettable. Irresistible. I’m addicted to her. How I ever managed to stay away from her before will remain one of life’s mysteries. No clue where I found that type of restraint.

I’m too far gone for her and completely unprepared for this situation.

I’m spiraling through my own emotions like a skydiver with no parachute.

Nothing.My brain can’t come up with a single image when I try to picture my days without her. It goes without saying my nights will become unbearable, empty shells of darkness. I kissed her one time and didn’t sleep with another woman for two whole months.

Now that I’ve kissed Harper dozens of times and know that fucking her a few times is the equivalent of experiencinglifetimesof intimacy and passion, I may never touch another woman again.

That should be the bleakestthought of all, and yet it doesn’t even faze me.

The thought of never touching a woman doesn’t kill me, but the thought of never touchingheragain destroys me, over and over again.

My heart splinters. Did she lie when she assured me that she didn’t blame me for my mother’s death? That she was glad I killed my father? Do I terrify her now, enough for her to wash her hands of me?

I touch my chin to my chest and try to hide the fact that I’m falling apart from the men who know me best.

How did she ruin me like this? I’ll never recover.

“Heard Harper put on quite the show yesterday.” Finn finally addresses meandthe elephant in the room.

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