Page 20 of Secrets in the Shadow

Chapter Five

Something had to give. Raziel was bouncing between two homes while trying to remain under Bashar’s radar. Angels didn’t sleep, but Raziel felt pulled in so many directions he just wanted to lie down and rest.

Leaving his mate after what they’d shared hadn’t been easy, but the ache to see his son again had become unbearable.

Tucked snugly beneath the blankets, Ethan clung to the stuffed bear with both arms, gripping it tightly even in sleep.

With the house silent, Raziel allowed the shroud of invisibility to slip away, standing unguarded before his child.

If only Ethan could see him. Not as a thin veil of energy, his face obscured, but as his father, whole and present and someone who should have been there all along.

Drawn to the soft strands of hair that tumbled across his son’s forehead, Raziel reached out, but his fingers curled into a fist, falling away before they made contact.

If you touch him, his existence will be exposed.

The ache to hold his child pressed down like a mountain he couldn’t move. Raziel’s gaze was fixed on the steady rise and fall of Ethan’s chest, searching for solace in the rhythm of his son’s breaths, his face serene with whatever dreams carried him.

The snow globe on the dresser drew his attention, the one given to his son on Christmas morning. With care, Raziel picked it up, his fingers brushing the cool surface. A gentle shake sent the snow swirling around the majestic bear.

Turning the lever beneath, he set the lullaby in motion, its soft strains drifting through the quiet room.

Could he give his son this kind of life? Ethan was used to stability—lunches with his uncle, and naptimes, like he was doing now. It was a mundane life, something Raziel knew nothing about, but Ethan thrived in.

“Pay whiff me?”

The sound of his son’s voice behind him caused Raziel to freeze, too afraid to turn around.

Just flash out before you set things in motion that can’t be undone.

But he’d already set things in motion the day he’d shown up here, and he didn’t want to feel like he was running from Ethan.

Fuck. The ache to play with his amoretto, to be the one who made the boy laugh… I just want him to look at me, to know I’m here for him and that I didn’t abandon him. I didn’t even know he existed.

Poddy wurb.

Raziel gasped, his eyes widening as the room fell away, replaced by images moving at lightning speed. The toddler had pulled him into his mind.

Slow them down, Ethan.

The images slowed, now drifting gently by. Raziel’s gaze flicked quickly around, greedy to see Ethan’s life through a child’s lens. He could have simply touched his son to see these, but he hadn’t been able to.

Now he had a glimpse, the images not quite solid. Ethan was only three on the human plane, and Raziel knew his son was doing the best he could.

Colors swirled together, luminous and vibrant, like sunlight dancing through stained glass. The images moved in and out of focus, Ethan’s memories bleeding together in a way that felt achingly raw, unpolished, and yet heartbreakingly pure.

Raziel’s breath caught as he glimpsed Ethan toddling across a kitchen floor, bare feet padding against cool tiles, his high-pitched giggles echoing like a melody only children could create. The boy’s chubby hands reached for a bowl on the counter, his lips pursed in concentration as he stretched up on his toes.

Despite it only being a memory, Raziel had an urge to hold his arms out just in case his son fell.

The memory shifted. Ethan curled in Stewart’s lap, the orange glow of a fireplace casting flickering shadows across the room. Stewart hummed softly, his hand stroking the boy’s wild curls as Ethan’s eyelids drooped. Raziel’s core ached at the sight, a strange mix of gratitude and envy twisting inside him.

Uncuh Stewalulu. It was clear just how much Ethan loved him.

At least his son knew how to love. You have to take it easy on the tantrums. Uncle Stewart is trying his best.

Lub Stewalulu.

Raziel closed his eyes, telling himself not to break down in front of his son. Ethan didn’t know who he was, so he shouldn’t feel rejected, shouldn’t feel the crushing ache because he wanted so badly for Ethan to say the same thing to him.

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