Page 43 of Shattered Sanctuary

“You won’t believe this,” she whispered to Kaely. “Five to Swine—a shredded pork sandwich. The Best Little Porterhouse in Texas. So-Lean—a grilled chicken breast. My Blue Ridge Mountain Po’ Boy. Backwoods BBQ Brisket. First Dog—a hot dog.” She shook her head. “I guess some of these are Dolly Parton songs?”

“I have no idea,” Kaely said. “This may have been a mistake.”

“Don’t worry, the food’s good.”

The voice from behind them made both women jump. They turned to see their waitress, a young woman wearing a big blonde wig and an obviously padded pink sweater with a darker pink polka-dotted skirt, staring at them with a rather bored look.

“I didn’t mean...” Kaely started to say.

“Yeah, you did, and you’re right. This place is ridiculous, but the food is actually delicious.” She leaned down closer to the table and glanced around before saying, “I take it you haven’t met the owner yet?”

“No,” Erin said. “Will I be glad you warned us?”

The waitress grinned. “Dolly Barton. Yeah, that’s right. She says it’s her real name, but none of us believe her. Shetours the dining room every hour. You’ll get to meet her. You think the rest of this is weird? Just wait.”

She straightened up as another waitress walked past her. “So, what can I get you ladies today?”

“Can you give us a couple of minutes?” Kaely asked. “We’re not sure yet.”

The waitress nodded and walked away.

“It’s not too late,” Erin said, trying not to laugh. “We can still make a run for it.”

“Not in a million years,” Kaely said, hiding her mouth behind her hand. “This is a first. I want to see it through.”

“You’re braver than I am.”

After perusing the menu, Erin settled on the Blue Smoke Burger while Kaely decided to try the Smoky Mountain roasted chicken. Erin waved at their waitress when she looked their way. She was just starting to say something to Kaely when a door on one side of the dining room swung open, and a large woman with a wig even bigger than their waitress’s came into the room. She wore a pink muumuu with a large white plastic belt, a big pink ribbon in her hair, along with matching lipstick and nail polish. Dangling rhinestone earrings swung back and forth as she sashayed through the dining room.

Erin said a word that Kaely might not approve of, but when she looked over at her friend, she almost lost it.

Don’t laugh,Kaely mouthed. Her expression was a mixture of horror and hysterics. That was all it took. Erin covered her burst of laughter with the sound of unrestrained coughing. It was the only tool in her arsenal.

The woman hurried over to her. “Why, darlin’, let’s getyou somethin’ to drink before you choke,” she said in a high-pitched Southern drawl.

“Mabel,” she hollered to one of the hapless waitresses, although she pronounced itMay-belle, “will you get this po’ woman somethin’ quick?”

The waitress hurried away to getpo’ Erin somethin’ to drink, while po’ Erin tried her best not to actually choke to death in front of everyone.

Kaely looked on, obviously struggling to keep her face void of emotion. It occurred to Erin that Kaely should look more concerned about her possible demise, but before she could spit out any words,May-belleran up to the table with a glass of water. After a couple of sips, Erin was able to catch her breath.

“Thank you,” she sputtered. “I appreciate it.”

“Trust me,”May-bellesaid. “We’ve had quite a few customers with breathing trouble.” She looked at them and rolled her eyes before leaving. Their previous waitress came back to the table to take their order while Dolly Barton fluttered around them, making sure Erin had completely recovered. The woman’s cologne was overpowering, and Erin was on the verge of choking again when Dolly finally took a step back from their table.

“Bonnie Sue, whatever these ladies want, it’s on the house,” she said. “On... the... house, ya heah?”

“Yes, Miss Dolly,” Bonnie Sue said.

Once Dolly was far enough away, Kaely said, “We’ll pay for our lunch. That was a nice gesture, but it’s not necessary.”

“Trust me, she won’t take your money.”

“Well, maybe we can make it up with our tip,” Kaely said.

“That’s kind of you. I appreciate it, but it’s okay. Miss Dollypays us very well.” She smiled. “I know this place is... interesting... but you’ll love the food. Our cook is exceptional.”

“Thanks for telling us that, Bonnie... Sue?” Erin said.

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