Page 60 of Cold Threat

She gasped and sat up in bed. “God, why is this happening to me now? Please help me. Please deliver me from this.” She got up and opened the wardrobe. Then she got back in bed and used the remote to turn on the TV. She needed to focus on something different. Sometimes a light movie or a funny sitcom made herlaugh. Hopefully, she could find a show like that. She kept the sound low and added captions. The last thing she wanted to do was to wake anyone up.

As she clicked through the channels, she suddenly found herself watching a scene from a movie that seemed to be about Jesus. Curious, she picked up her phone and entered the title. The director was a famous actor. It was old, released in 2004. She’d had no interest in religious movies back then, which explained why she’d never seen it. She started to change the channel, thinking this might not be what she needed right now, but for some reason, every time she started to initiate a new search, she just couldn’t do it. Finally, she gave up and started watching. As the movie progressed, she realized that this movie was about the crucifixion. She didn’t want to see anything like that. She needed something that would lift her spirits, and this certainly didn’t qualify. But again, she found herself unwilling to switch channels.

Two hours later, she was sobbing into her pillow. Is this really what Jesus went through? And He did it for mankind? For her? Was allowing herself to carry guilt saying He hadn’t given enough? His sacrifice wasn’t sufficient? This is exactly what Tony had tried to tell her. She’d been so impacted by his words. Had believed she’d been set free. But then she’d fallen back into the same mindset. Tony’s words popped into her mind.It’s time for you to accept His sacrifice. For you. For me.The movie made Tony’s admonition come to life in a way she couldn’t explain. This wasn’t a story. This was real. Real, incredible, all-consuming love.

Then she did something she’d never done before. Something she knew she didn’t have to do. God could hear her anywhere she prayed, but she felt the need so strongly, it was as if her body was acting on its own. She got out of the bed and sank down on her knees. She clasped her hands together as she knelt there, leaning on the bed.

“I’m so sorry, Lord,” she said, trying to keep her voice lowwhile her tears flowed. “What You did was ... almost too much to believe. And You did it for me. You took my guilt so I wouldn’t have to carry it. How could I act as if it wasn’t enough? Tony tried to tell me, but this movie made it so real. Please help me to never question Your forgiveness again. Help me to really walk in freedom this time, not because I deserve it, but because You paid an incredible price so I could have peace. You went through all of that willingly because You love us so much. It’s beyond my comprehension, but I intend to live the rest of my life believing that Your sacrifice was more than enough.”

The words had just left her mouth when a sensation of warm love seemed to flow from the top of her head and through her entire body. It was so real and unexpected—all she could do was sob. It took about an hour for River to climb back into bed. Her limbs felt like rubber, and her body was so relaxed she wanted to keep the feeling forever.

She prayed for a while but soon felt sleepy. As she drifted off, she realized she was smiling.

WHEN RIVER OPENED HER EYESthe next morning, she wondered for a moment if the experience of the night before was a dream. Had it really happened? It took a few seconds for her to accept that it was true. She sat up in the bed, trying to remember what day it was. She felt so good. Calm. Happy. She smiled and swung her legs over the side of the bed. It was Friday. Tony was going to breakfast with Aimee. It was funny, but she was no longer upset about Aimee. River knew enough about people to realize that Aimee had been so traumatized by Tony’s shooting that she needed someone to blame. A place to focus her anger. It had nothing to do with River. She’d known that all along, but now it was time for her to accept the truth.

As she thought about Aimee, River considered her own reactions and emotions and realized that guilt had almost become a part of her. Part of her identity. Like a negative friend who followed her around, constantly accusing her. She also realized that guilt was a kind of false humility. She believed if she felt guilty, it meant she was humble.

River found her purse and opened it. Inside she had a small notebook with some of her favorite Bible verses. She found the notebook and opened it. The verse she was looking for was on the third page.

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.”

River had sat in church and heard Pastor Mason read that verse, but for some reason, today it was alive. She understood it now.

She got up and quickly dressed. Then she went downstairs. Beth and Tony were sitting at the kitchen table. She smiled at them.

“Tony’s only having coffee since he’s having breakfast with Aimee,” Beth said, returning her smile. “And Ray left early for the station. I’ve been keeping some lovely cinnamon rolls warm in the oven. How about a couple?”

“That sounds awesome,” River said. “But I’m going to have to start working out when we get back. As it is, I’m afraid to get on a scale.”

Beth waved her hand at her. “Oh, please. You’re such a little bitty thing. That’s not something you’ll ever need to worry about.”

“I really hope you’re right, but I’m not so sure.” River picked up an empty coffee cup and filled it, then she sat down at the table. She realized Tony was looking at her oddly.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, patting her hair to make sure it wasn’t messed up.

“No. You just ... look different somehow,” he said.

“Oh, son,” Beth said. “She looks just as lovely as she did yesterday. What are you talking about?”

Tony sighed dramatically and winked at River. “Never mind, Mother. I wasn’t saying she didn’t look good. Just a little different. Sheesh.”

Beth playfully slapped him on the head. “You think you’re funny, but you’re not.”

Tony stood up and stretched. “That’s where you’re wrong, dear Mother. I am hysterical. But now, I must leave to meet your daughter for breakfast. I know you’ll miss me, but don’t worry. I shall soon return to your humble abode.”

River laughed at the way they seemed so at ease with each other. It was fun to be around them.

“Tell your sister I said hello,” she told him. “Will we get to see her again before we leave?”

Tony shrugged. “Not sure. If that storm moves in today, probably not. We’ll all be hunkering down inside.”

“You tell Aimee that if she wants to come here and ride it out with us, she’s welcome,” Beth said. She looked at River. “We have a backup generator. Aimee’s apartment building loses electricity every time there’s a storm.”

“I’ll tell her, but she’ll want to bring Lulu with her.”

“We love Lulu,” Beth said. She looked at River. “How do you feel about cats?” she asked.

“My mother has a cat, and we get along very well. I actually adore cats.”

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