Page 97 of Finding Home

The sight of her mom’s back was a fitting punch to Elle’s gut, a reminder of the importance, or rather Elle’s unimportance to her mom.

Turning to take a seat and finally facing the booths along the front windows, her mother’s blue eyes grew wide as she spotted Elle staring back. Their gazes stood in a fierce tug-of-war from across the room.Elle knew the tight “nothing’s wrong” smile painted on her mom’s face was reflected in her own.The chattering voices of her mom’s companions were muffled by the pounding of Elle’s heart.

“Baby, look at me.” Clayton squeezed her hand, drawing her attention back to him. “Tell me what you want.”

Elle looked into the pleading gray of Clayton’s eyes.What do I want?Such an easy question with so many complicated answers. She wanted so much.For her mother to walk across the room and say, “I’m sorry.” But sorry wouldn’t fix any of this.It never had in the past.How many empty apologies had spilled out of her mother’s lips after another disappointment?The stream of broken promises babbled through Elle like a brook of lies.

“Elle.”He slipped into the booth beside her and wrapped his arm around her. “I got you.”

She just nodded at him, knowing he had her.

“Aren’t you two adorable.” Cassie’s sarcastically sweet voice filtered into Elle’s ears as she placed their food on the table.“Anything else?”

“Cassie, I’m so sorry to do this.Could we get to-go boxes and the check?We forgot about an errand we need to run before work,”Clayton apologized.

“No problem.”She scooped the plates up.“I’ll go ahead and wrap this up for you. Give me five minutes and meet me at the counter.”

“I’m sorry.” Elle’s whisper was pained.

The apology was for Cassie for their abrupt departure, for Clayton for ruining their breakfast date, and for herself for not being strong.She made these promises to herself, but each time her mom appeared, her resolve crumbled.

I’m not a baby.She was a grown-ass woman who commanded respect at work.She was a dragon slayer whoburned down the foes of her loved ones.She was a jungle cat pouncing on her man and demanding all her itches get scratched.She was all these things and also a scared lonely girl who wanted the love of the first person who’d held her, her mom. The person who was supposed to love her but didn’t.

Clayton stiffened and tightened his arm around her protectively.

“Hi.” Her mom’s voice was hesitant.

Clayton’s tall frame hid the face of the voice entering the safety of Elle’s corner of the little café, but she could picture her mom standing in front of their booth, her nervous hands picking at a cuticle.

“Eleanor…”

“I’m sorry. I don’t think this is the right place or time, Amanda.We were just leaving,”Clayton said, pulling Elle out of the booth to leave, his hands anchoring her to him.

“I’m sorry,” her mother croaked. “I’m really sorry.”

It’s what Elle wanted, an apology.For what, though?For interrupting their breakfast with her presence?For visiting Jamie’s grave, when she hadn’t attempted to reach out to her daughter in eighteen years?Who knew what she was apologizing for. Certainly not Elle.

“It’s too late,” Elle said, her face set in stern lines.

“Eleanor, it’s never too late for forgiveness,”her mother pleaded.

“What do you want forgiveness for?Be specific,”Elle demanded, a quiet fury in her voice.

Her mom’s mouth opened, closing quickly.An unspoken questioning glinted in her mom’s eyes.She said nothing, just stared at her daughter.

“If you don’t know or can’t say it, you can’t be forgiven.This is goodbye.We’re done.”

Her mom flinched as if Elle had smacked her. In many ways, her steely glare did just that.

“Clayton, I’d like to leave.”Elle’s tone was firm and final.

“Of course.”He pressed a tender kiss against her temple, the gesture reassuring and grounding.“Do you want to wait in the pickup while I pay or come with me?”

“Truck.”

“Okay.” He nodded. Then kissed her forehead again before digging his keys out of his pocket. “Here.”

The chicken wing keychain she’d bought him at the Anchor Bar on their first official date was an obnoxiously welcomed sight in this tense tableau of a final goodbye between a mother who’d stopped caring and the daughter who could no longer risk her heart waiting for an apology.

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