Page 89 of Finding Home

“I’m sorry.” The back of her throat burned.

“No.” This time when he reached for her, she didn’t pull away. “I di…di…didn’t mean it like that. I me…me…meant we always knew you were leaving. We both went into this kn…kno…knowing that.”

“I am leaving, but it doesn’t have to be like before. I’m not like before. I’ll come back. I’ll visit.”

“I know.” He stroked her cheek.

“I don’t know what it looks like, but I want you in my life. That I know.”

His hands gripped her biceps. “I want you in my life too.”

“I don’t want to give you false hope, though. My home is there. Yours is here.”

“Your home…is there.” He said each word carefully as if they were a hot ember threatening to burn him.

“Yes.”She sighed. “I… I want to do what’s fair for you.”

“Let me worry about what’s fair to me. I don’t know what it looks like either, but I want you in my life too.”He closed his eyes. As they reopened, sharp intensity filled his gaze. “Stay with me…until you go. I told you I would rather a mo…mo…moment with you than a lifetime without you. If all I have is a moment or some future stolen ones, I’ll take it.”

“Clayton—”

“P…P…Please,” he implored.

She couldn’t deny him or herself. It would break her to say goodbye, but to be separated by the little pond between the farmhouse and Little Red Barn for the remainder of her time would destroy her. To be so close and not touch or be touched by him was a harsher punishment than having a whole country between them. The remaining tiny sliver of time with Clayton was better than none.

She nodded.

“Promise me something?”

Promises were scary. So many had been made and broken to Elle through the years, so she was careful to only make ones she could keep.

She swallowed thickly. “What?”

“Let’s not live this week like there’s a t…t…t…ticking clock. You will get on that plane the day after Pete’s party. Until then, can we go back to just being us? Please?” His thumbs stroked along her bare arms.

“Ok.”

“Ok.” He pressed his forehead to hers.

“Do you always knock at your parents’ door?” Elle asked, as Clayton and she walked up the steps of the Owens’ yellow Victorian, Fitz trotting in front of them.

“Yes,” he said, shifting the tinfoil covered carrot cake she’d baked to knock.

“Why? You told me that Noah and you never knock on each other’s doors. Why do you knock on your parents’ door, then?”

“Two years ago, I didn’t knock and caught my mom and dad kissing in the kitchen.”

Her face scrunched. “Well, that doesn’t seem so bad.”

“It wouldn’t have been if they had their clothes on.” He shuddered.

“Oh my god!” She barked with laughter. “Oh baby, I am sorry. Were they completely naked?”

“Well, Dad had his bow tie on.”

“What?” Elle stood dumbstruck, as the front door opened.

“Kids! You didn’t need to knock,” Heidi welcomed them with a grin. “Chris, they are here.”

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