Page 49 of Finding Home

“What are some of the ingredients in that smoothie?” Willa asked.

“Angry. Disappointed. Guilty…alive…happy.”

“Let’s unpack those,” Willa said, her voice less friend-like and more Dr. Willa Andrews. Perhaps taking this call from her office made it easier for Willa to slip into psychologist mode instead of remaining her normal bubbly self.

Elle puffed out her cheeks. “Angry and disappointed in my momandmyself. I saw her at the wedding in the bathroom. We didn’t engage. At all.”

“Oh, Elle. I’m so sorry,” Viet consoled.

“It’s fine.”

“You mentioned anger and disappointment with her and yourself.” Willa’s tone was curious.

“I think deep down I wanted her to apologize. When she didn’t, I was disappointed in myself for having that hope. That hope that she missed me as much as…”Elle stopped when her voice quivered. “I was angry with her for taking that hope away, again.She is who she is. I just need to remind myself of that and let go of that delusion.”

“It’s not delusional to want your mom in your life. It’s normal,” Willa soothed.

“Maybe for you or Viet.”

A twinge of shame reared up. Snapping at Willa wasn’t helpful. Both Viet and Willa had wonderful mothers whomthey were close to. Elle had witnessed the loveliness of Willa’s relationship with her mom, Gloria, and Viet’s with his mom, Anh.

“Elle…”Willa stopped when Viet’s shook his head.

Elle looked at Willa’s remorseful face.

“Sorry, Wills,”Elle apologized. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. You’re just trying to help.”

“No need to apologize. You weren’t snapping at me, but at her. My Elle’s Bells deserves to have what we have. I wish we could give that to you.”

“Grieving my relationship with my mom is like being on a hamster wheel. It’s never-ending and pointless. But I don’t want it to stop me from appreciating other relationships. I stayed away too long, and Pete thought it might be a little bit about him. I think keeping her at a distance kept a lot of people away as well. I just… I don’t seem know how to completely open my doors.” Elle’s voice cracked.

Willa made a small cooing noise. “You do it one door at a time, one lock at a time.”

“Remember doors are meant to both open and close. We choose who we open them for and who gets them slammed in their face,” Viet said, causing Elle to grin.

“I love you, both.”

“We love you.” They grinned in unison.

“So, can we talk about the banana in that smoothie?” Willa asked, a glint of naughtiness in her big brown eyes. Dr. Andrews had tapped out for girlfriend Willa to come out to play.

“By banana, we mean hot farmer’s dick.” Viet winked.

“Yes, please. Has he plowed your field yet?”

“Baled your hay?” Viet added.

“Herded your cows?”

“Shucked your corn?”

“Stop!” Elle laughed, throwing her hands in the air. “I don’t even think those are actual euphemisms!”

“You’ve got to give us something. My imagination has been in overdrive since you sent that pic.” Willa begged.

“I don’t think I want to know what you are imagining Clayton and me doing.”

“It involves a tractor...” Willa fanned herself with a manila folder.

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