Page 28 of Finding Home

“Excuse me?”

“They’re both good looking, successful, good looking, nice, good looking, single?—”

“And live in Perry,” Elle interrupted Janet, who was counting their attributes on each finger.

“Pish-posh, logistics. Did I mention good looking?”

Janet was the Perry version of Willa or maybe Willa was the Long Beach version of Janet; both were obsessed with Elle’s love life. The term love life was probably too generous for Elle’s romantic interludes, as that’s all they were. There were brief moments of non-starters or quickly fizzled out relationships.

There had been a time when she daydreamed about romantic picnics with Noah in the park, when she’d been open to the idea of love. Open, but knowing that the frizzy-haired, glasses wearing, and heavyset girl wasn’t the heroine of anyone’s love story, not even her own.

It wasn’t until she moved to Los Angeles for grad school with Viet that she learned that may not be entirely true. Leaving the emotional baggage in Perry, Elle felt it was time to loseher physical baggage. She’d started keeping a food log, making healthier choices. Just a slow walk on the treadmill, but after a few months that slow walk became a jog, then a sprint. In one semester, Elle had lost thirty pounds.

More confident, she’d attended a party with Viet wearing a red V-neck top that he’d picked out. The fabric had hung in a way that flattered Elle’s transforming body. Drinking white wine out of a red solo cup, Elle had flirted for the first time with Devon, a first year law student. Walking arm-in-arm with Viet to their small apartment near campus, she’d lamented giving Devon her number and said if he asked her out, she’d say no.

Viet had rolled his eyes, telling her that there had been many men who’d wanted to date her, even before the weight loss, but she’d pushed them all away. With a frown she’d protested, but when Devon called two days later, she’d turned him down.

“I’m just saying they are both worth turning the bedroom TV off for,” Janet said, winking and pointing a chicken wing at Elle before biting into it.

“Oh, I’m sure Uncle Pete wouldloveto hear that.”

“Honey, I always turn the TV off with your uncle.”She puckered her lips suggestively.

“I lost my appetite.” Elle dropped the wing she’d been about to bite onto the plate.

After darts, as she pulled into the Little Red Barn’s driveway. A happy fizz in her belly from the night of endless affection from her people and those stolen glances with Clayton. When was the last time her chest fluttered from the flirty quirk of someone’s lips?

Smiling, she jumped out of the car and into the darkness outside. Her vision drawn by the distant white glow of the farmhouse’s front porch light where Clayton stood, back turned to her, unlocking his door. Before entering, he pivoted and faced her. Was there enough moonlight for him to see her leaningagainst the car door watching him? Could he make out the rise and fall of her chest? Could he see how she nibbled her lower lip, biting off the urge to invite herself into his home?

She watched as he looked into the dark where she stood. He waved. With a shaky smile, she waved back making out his lips mouthingGoodnight.

“Goodnight,” she whispered into the dark before turning to go inside.

ELEVEN

“Where the heart is really attached, I know very well how little one can be pleased with the attention of anyone else.”

~Jane Austen,Northanger Abbey

Can’t wait to see you all on Saturday! ~Love, Aunt Amanda.

An uneasy tremor hissed through Elle as she stared at the message from her mom on Tobey and Jerome’s wedding page’s message board. The phone slipped from her fingers, clattering onto the floor. Gasping for breath, she gripped the edge of the sink.

“You’re fine,” she panted, her self-soothing words were empty promises.

Like a prisoner on death row her time drew near. The easiness she’d been lulled into over the last few days with Clayton, family, and old friends extinguished. In twenty-four hours, she’d be in the same space with her mom.

“Breathe,” she commanded herself, picking up her phone.

As administrator of the page, she had the power to make the message go away but didn’t have the power to make her mom go away. Taking in two reassuring breaths, she clickedDeleteandthen,Yesafter the site asked her for confirmation of the action. She was sure.So, fucking sure.

“You’re okay,” she crooned in a self-soothing manner, hands shaking as she gathered her hair into a ponytail.

A knock sounded on the front door. She tossed the hairbrush aside and went to answer.

“Goo…” Clayton’s greeting halted, his eyes studying her.

Elle tilted her eyes to avoid his concerned gaze. But his strong arms enfolded her into a protective embrace. Her body trembled with unshed tears that she refused to release.

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