Page 118 of Finding Home

“Where your life is and where his life is doesn’t matter. What matters is what you want your life to be, and with whom. The rest is just geography.”

Elle bit her lower lip taking in her uncle’s words. She had been stuck inwhat was, rather than the possibility ofwhat could be. With her fingers she traced the shape of paw prints across her black pants mimicking the matching prints on Clayton’s right forearm. Each paw-print a symbol of charting his own path for the life he wanted.

“Bottom line, you need to decide what you want and go for it. It’s one thing if you don’t want Clayton or anyone. It’s quite another thing if you think you’re undeserving. It would break my heart if you spent anymore of your life feeling you weren’t worth loving.” His voice cracked. “You are worth the risk, so bet on yourself, kiddo. I know I always bet on you.”

“Oh, Pete.” She exhaled weepily.

“Knock it off, kiddo. It’s too early for me to be crying in my truck at a construction site.” He sniffled.

“Is there an appropriate time to cry in your truck at a construction site?” Elle asked, dashing stray tears from her eyes.

“After lunch. Always better to cry on a full stomach,” he joked.

“Sound life advice from my favorite uncle.”

“Your one and only.” he quipped.

He’d been the first man who’d loved her. He was her North Star shining his love upon her as he helped her navigate life. Now, he was pushing her to fully love herself and chase her heart’s desire. So many wants spun through her like hopeful cyclones twisting wildly with no clear path or destination, because she had never allowed them to take root. He was telling her not to just let them take root, but to allow herself to be swept up in them.

Later, as Elle sat in the small restaurant in the lobby, Malcolm going on about their successful board meeting, including both of Elle’s proposals being approved, and next week’s meeting with Magda to firm up details for their joint venture, Uncle Pete’s words danced in Elle’s heart. There had been so many subtle and overt messages through the years proving betting on herself was a risk to not take. Her caution…her fear… was the foundations of the wall constructed around her heart.

The one thing Elle wanted was to be chosen. To be enough for someone. In Clayton, she’d found a man that told her every day in so many ways that she was more than enough…she was everything. Someone had chosen her, but she hadn’t chosen herself.

Elle wasn’t imprisoned by her past, rather she had tied herself to it allowing it to control her. Not choosing Clayton, not choosingthem,was not choosing herself.

With stunning clarity, she now knew what she wanted. A plan began formulating in her head, and as soon as Malcolm stopped talking and paid the bill, she’d put her plan into action.

“One more thing…” Malcolm said as he handed his card to the server. “I’m not sure if you heard the rumors but we’re creating a Deputy Chief Operating Officer position at Sloan-Whitney. I’d like to offer you the position.”

“Excuse me?” Elle’s head jerked back, rudely ripped from the excitement of her plan.

“That’s why I wanted to have lunch after the board meeting. You are perfect for the job. The bord agrees with me. It will mean a raise and increased responsibility and that includes a little bit more travel. You can also pick your own assistant. I’m sure you’d like to bring Braedon over. It would mean a salary increase for them, as well, as is fitting for the assistant to the second in command for Sloan-Whitney.” Amusement sparked in Malcolm’s eyes. “What do you say? Are you interested? If so, we can work out the details on Monday and then make a formal announcement at the end of the week.”

“Umm…” Elle bit her lower lip.

What matters is what you want your life to be…her uncle’s voice whispered inside her encouraging her to follow her heart.

Fifteen minutes later, Elle ran through the lobby, yanking her phone out. Good thing Braedon was on speed-dial. Her breath stuttered with each ring. The first, the second, and finally on the third they answered.

“Can you get my flight changed from Friday to today and instead of LAX to Buffalo? Or even Rochester?Hell, Syracuse. Just somewhere near home? I’ll need a rental car, too,” she blurted.

Phone pressed to her ear; Elle jogged briskly toward the bank of elevators. She pressed theUpbutton repeatedly.

She wouldn’t call Clayton. This needed to be a face-to-face conversation. She was risking it all for the everything she wanted her life to be.

The display showed the elevator stuck on the fifteenth floor.Come on! Work with me!

“Is everything okay? There wasn’t an emergency was there?” A spike of panic colored Braedon’s tone.

“No, just something I really need to do. Can you help me? I’m almost to my room to pack up.”

“Yeah, but are you sure? You have dinner with your friend Beth tonight. Maybe I could reschedule for the morning.”

“Shit. Ugh…” Elle grumbled at the uncooperative elevator and Braedon’s reminder. “…No. Beth will understand.”

In fact, Beth might drive Elle to the airport cheering her on the whole way. It was Thursday and she wanted to walk up behind him at the VFW to surprise him, just as he’d done to her. It needed to be tonight. She had waited long enough.

“If you’re sure…”

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