Page 108 of Finding Home

“I’m good.” She replied, her trembling voice leveling. “I have good people in my life. You can tell her that. She doesn’t need to worry about me.”

“Ok.” He tucked his hands in his pockets. “I am sorry. I really didn’t mean to have this conversation. I was just helping with the cupcakes, but when God opens a door, you need todecide whether to walk through it or walk away. I clearly walked through.”

“You sure did.” Elle smiled at this very sweet, if a tad intrusive, man. “I’m glad she has you.” And she really was.

FORTY

“But remember the pain of parting from friends will be felt by everybody at times, whatever be their education or state.”

~Jane Austen,Sense and Sensibility

Elle couldn’t sleep. Nightmares, roaming thoughts, and tossing and turning hadn’t returned. Rather, the looming reality of waking up to pack the last of her things, say goodbye to so much. The farmhouse she’d called home over the last few weeks, her office in the Little Red Barn. To her family. To Fitz. To Perry. But most especially, to Clayton.

Some of those goodbyes, such as to her family, would just be a “See you soon.” They deserved to have her there for the special occasions and holidays and she deserved to be with them.

Clayton, however, would be a Goodbye with a capital G. She had told him that it wouldn’t be like before, that she’d be back. She told him she wanted him in her life. Those were promises she would break. He deserved his “Lizzie,” his everything. His every day.

Once her suitcases were loaded in the rental car, she would drive away, never to return to him. It would break her heart. Shehated it, but she could put it back together. Hadn’t the last thirty days shown her that?

All night she lay spooned with Clayton, his arms tight around her waist, as if not wanting to let go. Her head rested in his warm nook, listening to the rhythm of his breaths. Clayton fell in and out of sleep most of the night. His eyes remained closed but occasionally he tightened his arms, or sleepily pressed his lips to her neck or shoulder.

In the morning, when it was not quite daylight, Clayton’s fingers trailed down her spine. He inhaled sharply but didn’t speak. They lay blanketed in the quiet darkness, both awake but not yet ready to pierce the thick silence with words.

“Are you awake?” Clayton murmured, his voice hoarse.

“Yes.”

“Did you sleep at all?”

In the darkness, Elle couldn’t make out his expression but sensed the concerned knit of his brow as he looked at her.

“No.” she said. “You?”

“Not really.” He exhaled.

“I wonder what time it is.” She started to move to turn toward her phone on the bed stand, but his arms held her tight.

“I’ll check.” He reached for his phone without removing his other arm from her waist. “It’s five-thirty.”

“Okay.” She bit her bottom lip.

“What are you thinking?” He untucked her bottom lip with his finger.

“I know you have to work today and need more sleep…” She trailed off.

“But?” he coaxed gently.

“Can we go to the Greenway for a run?”

“Of course.”

Orange nudged the black sky awake as they ran along the trail. Nobody else was out yet. They ran silently, side-by-side for a while, in the crisp morning air.

As the orange and red glow of the rising sun pushed away the dark sky, Clayton slowed his pace to a gentle jog until he ceased completely, placing his hands on his hips and sucking in air. Wordlessly, Elle joined him, stretching her legs as he paced back and forth.

They hadn’t spoken since Clayton had walked into the bedroom with his keys, asking if she was ready. The deafening tick of the clock counted down their last hours together, overpowering their ability to just be “us.”

“Come here,” Clayton whispered, holding his hand toward her.

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