Page 78 of Coming Home

A soft laugh left his lips. “After Clayton told me to get my shit together.”

“What?” she guffawed. “Clayton told you to get your shit together? When? Why?”

The idea of her brother telling anyone to get their shit together was astounding. In her twenty-eight years, he’d teased her but never been so harsh or frank. Clayton seemed to have an endless supply of quiet patience for the people he loved. The only time she’d seen him be curt was with the guys she’d dated.

“After I was discharged from Walter Reed and transferred back to Camp Pendleton, your brother flew out to San Diego to see me. We went to a bar and some guy bumped into him, spilling Clayton’s drink. The guy didn’t apologize. My fuse was so short then. I lost it and grabbed the guy by the collar and slammed him against the wall.”

Nat’s eyes closed, remembering Noah slamming Duncan against the building. If provoked, the beast inside this gentle, kind man would come out. A fierce protectiveness rested just below the surface, but it seldom came out like that. What he’d described was as if his protective nature was on hyperdrive.

“Clayton pulled me off the guy. When your brother grabbed me, I shoved him to the ground. I didn’t realize what I was doing. He and a bouncer at the bar dragged me outside. I don’t knowhow, but Clayton convinced them not to call the police. After, we sat on a curb, and your brother told me I needed to get my shit together. That I wasn’t the man I wanted to be. He was right.”

“You went after that?”

Noah shook his head. “No. I still thought I could just get over it. I was a Marine. I’m still a Marine. Once a Marine always… well, you know. My dad was in the corps too, so I grew up in a house where we didn’t do the touchy-feely thing.”

“What finally pushed you?”

Their gazes weaved together. “You. That Friday, you called for our weekly check-in. I just kept thinking about how I shoved your brother to the ground and…” Concern creased his brow “…What if I’d done that to you? What if it was my mom? I hadn’t hurt Clayton, but I could have.”

It seemed preposterous to her that Noah could lose control. When she placed her hand on Noah to release Duncan, he relented. Rage hadn’t overpowered him. As angry as Noah was, he still had control. The only danger Nat was in was from Duncan, never from Noah.

“I didn’t want to hurt the people I care about because I was too stubborn to get help. So, I started seeing a counselor on base, and when I was discharged, I went to the VA.”

She leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to the center of his chest. “I’m in awe of you. Most people wouldn’t tackle things so head on.”

Most people included her. Besides a few sessions with the school guidance counselor after Evan died, she’d never talked about it. Those sessions were spent smiling and saying, “It’s all good.” She’d never dealt with the grief and guilt outside of her confession to Noah.

Nobody in her family had. They never brought Evan up in front of their parents out of fear of their mom’s reaction. Hell, Clayton and Nat barely spoke about Evan with each other.

She sighed. “I wish I was as brave as you.”

He ran his fingers through her messy tendrils. “You are. You just need to let yourself be.”

“I worry that even if I’m brave enough to talk to someone about Evan, that my parents…well, my mom isn’t ready.”

Noah shifted in bed, lying on his side so that they faced each other. “My mom says your mom hasn’t talked about him since he died.”

“I had a picture on my desk of the entire family on my eighteenth birthday. Clayton had driven down from Ithaca and Evan from Buffalo. It was the last time we were all together. It was our last complete Owens’ Family picture.”

Nat closed her eyes, picturing Evan’s full-faced grin as he stood next to her in the photo. Frowns, firm lines, and even grimaces were such a rare thing on his face which always had a beaming smile.

Opening her eyes, she whispered, “I put the picture in my desk drawer the other day.”

“To protect your mom?”

“You saw her on Sunday. Evan’s name was mentioned, and she…”

It was hard to describe what happened to her mom when Evan was brought up. It was like someone else took over her body. The warmth in her gray eyes and the lightness in her smile disappeared.

“When Evan died, she fell apart. She only got out of bed to attend his funeral. She spent weeks in bed. It wasn’t until my graduation that she finally started living again. I remember she was upstairs getting ready. Clayton and I were downstairs. Dad came into the living room and asked us to not bring Evan up, so we didn’t. We never spoke of him again. When Clayton mentioned him last Sunday, it was the first time in ten years hewas brought up. Clayton and I hardly speak of Evan. It’s like he never existed, but at the same time, he’s everywhere.”

“You deserve to talk about your brother. Evan deserves to be talked about. Hell, he would have insisted on it.”

A watery laugh escaped her. “He did like being the center of attention.”

“He did.” Wistfulness glinted in his eyes.

The only other people in the world who knew Evan as well as Nat, her parents, and Clayton, were Noah and his parents. Evan was three years younger than Noah and Clayton. He was the little brother who tagged along with them. It warmed her heart that she could talk to someone who knew Evan as well as she did. She didn’t need to introduce Evan to Noah like with others. It made it easier to be open with her feelings.

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