Page 91 of His Runaway Duchess

Alex turned around, his mouth full of marzipan, and studied his father for a long moment. At last, he nodded.

Edward had no time to congratulate himself on his excellent parenting. Alex came back to the armchair—it was fairly obvious he had marzipans in his pockets, and Edward had a feeling that if he looked into the bowl, there would be none left—and made himself comfortable.

“Where is Daphne?” he asked.

Edward flinched. He hadn’t been expecting that.

Alex was watching him carefully. Since the boy clearly had a habit of eavesdropping, it was entirely possible that he already knew and was testing him.

Clever boy.

Edward felt a flash of pride.

“Daphne and I had an argument,” he said. “I was unkind to her. She packed her things and went to stay with her mother for a while.”

Alex swallowed his mouthful of sweets. Sadness swept across his young face, and Edward felt like the worst father in the world.

“Oh,” he said quietly. “Will she be coming back?”

“I don’t know,” Edward answered honestly. “I hope so, but I can’t promise anything.”

Alex nodded slowly. “Is… is it my fault? Is she upset with me?”

Edward reached out and took Alex’s small hand in his own. “No, Alex, she is not. I can tell you that Daphne cares about you very much.”

“She didn’t say goodbye.”

There was a little catch in Alex’s voice, and an answering crack opened up in Edward’s heart.

I’m sorry, little man.This is all my fault.

“I know how much you like Daphne,” he said a little hesitantly. “But we?—”

“You don’t know how much I like her,” Alex huffed, shaking his head. “How could you? You never talk to me about anything. You only did things with me because Daphne told you to.”

Edward missed a beat, gathering his thoughts. He had tried to plan out how the conversation would go in his head, but he might have known that was pointless. One couldn’t plan out anything, not with a child thrown into the mix.

“You’re right,” he relented. “I spent time with you because Daphne told me to, or Mrs. Trench hinted that I should, or Peter reminded me. And that was very, very wrong of me. I am your father. I shouldn’t have had to be reminded or instructed to spend time with you. I’m sorry, and from now on, I shall do better.”

Alex blinked at him, all big, mournful eyes. “It’s all right, Papa. I know why you act strangely around me. It’s because Mama died because of me, isn’t it?”

Time seemed to slow down. Edward’s chest constricted, seeming to press all of the air out of his lungs. Before he even knew whathe was doing, he was out of his chair, on his knees in front of Alex. He caught the boy’s sticky hands in his own and held them tight.

“It was not your fault, Alex,” he said, his voice shaking. “Not one bit. When I was your age, my father used to tell me that it was my fault that my mother died. At the time, I believed him. I believed it for a long time.”

“But… you don’t believe it anymore?” Alex hazarded.

A lump had formed in Edward’s throat, and no amount of swallowing could make it go down.

I think I believed it right up to this moment.

Now, looking at his son’s wide, pleading eyes, his trembling lower lip, and the pain on his face, Edward could feel nothing but rage. Rage at his father.

I was as small and as frightened as Alex once. How dare he? How darehe put the burden of that tragedy on my shoulders? He looked me in the eye and told me that I was a little monster, a murderer, responsible for my mother’s death. How could he?

He reached up, touching Alex’s cheek.

“It was very sad, what happened to your mother,” he heard himself say. “To Jane. Frankly, Alex, I blamed myself for it all, but the fact is that it was a tragedy. Do you know the last thingshe said to me? It was about you, Alex. She said you were the most beautiful baby in the world. She’d held you, even as she was dying, and she loved you so much that she couldn’t even find the words. She made me promise to love you and take care of you, and I’m not sure I’ve been fulfilling my end of the bargain. But your mother loved you, Alex. She loved you so much. She never blamed you for what happened, not for an instant. And neither do I.”

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