Page 115 of In It to Win It

He returns the favor by carrying me into his bedroom, stripping me out of my clothes and worshiping my body from head to toe, eventually focusing on where I need him most . . . his lips and tongue gliding and sucking, his big hands cradling my butt and holding my pussy to his face. Sensation slides down my legs, weakening them, and coiling heat spirals up inside me until I burst into a million pieces of light and heat.

Much later,we’re nestled in his bed, even though it’s only seven o’clock. I don’t have to work tomorrow. We just ordered in food, though it’s not here yet, and checked on Byron, who’s doing fine.

“I know you’re beating yourself up over what happened with Byron.”

He sighs. “Yeah.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Okay.”

“Seriously.” I shift and prop myself up on an elbow to look at him. His gaze drops to my bare breasts. I smile. “You keep doing that. Remember what Arya says in yoga class?”

His eyebrows pull together. “What?”

“About being nonjudgmental. Including toward ourselves. You’re too hard on yourself when you screw up. That causes you stress you don’t need.”

He gazes back at me. “You’re right.”

“I do it too,” I confess. “That’s why I didn’t want anything to do with you after the wedding.”

His forehead creases. “What were you beating yourself up over? I thought you were pissed at me for getting in a fight.”

“I felt like the fight was my fault.” I bite my lower lip. I still feel guilty about that, even though it was Manny who instigated things.

“How was it your fault? You said you weren’t with Martinez then.”

“I wasn’t. But . . . he saw us leaving together when we were going up to your room . . . and . . .” I stop. I haven’t ever told him this. “And I wanted him to know what we were doing.”

JP goes very still. “What?”

“I know. I felt terrible. I hate fighting. I was so afraid you were going to get hurt, and Lacey and Théo’s wedding was ruined, and it was all my fault.”

“Wait. Back the fuck up.” He sets me away from him and stares at me. “You wanted him to know we were going up to my room to fuck?”

“Well . . . yeah.”

“You were using me to make him jealous? That’s what that was?” His voice rises.

“No! I wanted to go with you! But Manny had?—”

He interrupts me, and honestly I don’t blame him, because I sound really lame right now.

“Fuck! I pissed off my entire family because you were trying to get back at a guy who dumped you?”

I flinch and jerk away from him, my heart kicking against my ribs.“What?”

“What iswrongwith me?” He gets out of bed, looking away, not meeting my eyes, hand on his jaw. “Goddammit. I can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” My mouth hangs open.

“I keep screwing up, making the same mistakes over and over.”

“What mistakes?” Then I feel like I’ve been slapped. “Are you thinking I was using you like Emma was?” Heat burns through my veins and I throw back the covers and jump out of bed. I’m naked, but so what.

“Huh?” His shoulders hunch as his head jerks around.

I march over to him and poke my forefinger into his chest. “I am nothing like her!”

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