Page 117 of Play to Win

“When I got back from Vancouver, she’d packed up and left.”

He turns his head and gives me severe side-eye.“What did you do?”

“What do you mean, what did I do?I was pissed because I found you with my wife, all cozy.”

“You just said you know nothing was going on.For Mr.Logic, you’re not making a lot of sense, dude.”

“Ugh.”I shove my hand through my hair and look across the bar.“Okay, Iwaspissed.She kept texting me and leaving voicemails trying to tell me it was nothing, but I didn’t answer her.”

“Why not?”

“I was busy.I was at the draft!”

“Bullshit.”

“The draft is important,” I try again.I sound lame as hell.

JP leans forward.“Okay, you want to know what Emma said about you when she told me she broke up with you?I know she was lying about the breaking-up part, but the rest ...I get the feeling it’s true.”

My forehead tightens.“What?”

“She said she was tired of taking second place to your job.You worked long hours.You canceled plans or wouldn’t even make plans.”One corner of his mouth lifts.“Why do you think she and I were hanging out together so much when I was there?”

I stare at him.I feel like I was just slammed into the boards and had the wind knocked out of me.My lungs strain and I can’t breathe.

“You seriously went away and didn’t answer Lacey’s calls because you weretoo busy?”He shakes his head.“Then you deserve to lose her.”

My heart bangs against my ribs and there’s a hard pulse in the pit of my stomach.Oh my fucking God.He’s right.

I’ve been trying so hard to overcome my past, that feeling of something being wrong with me ...I worked so hard at hockey so I could succeed at that and be admired ...be worthy.Then I lost that because therewassomething wrong with me, somethingreallywrong with me because I couldn’t see and I couldn’t play hockey.I turned back to numbers.This time people admired me for being smart.Theywantedme for my smarts.But I was so focused on that, trying to be the best, trying to prove that I deserved good things, that I didn’t pay enough attention to the most important things…people I care about.Emma.JP.And now ...Lacey.

I’ve lost her because I was too fucking busy to text her and tell her I knew she wasn’t cheating on me.Or actually because I was too afraid that Icaredabout her cheating on me.

I cared.

Only ...she was never really mine to lose.

“Fuck,” I mutter.“Okay, here’s the deal.”I eye him, ready for him to die laughing at my lame attempt to preserve a little pride and self-esteem.“Lacey and I only got married so I could come home with a hot wife so everyone wouldn’t feel sorry for me after my little brother stole my girlfriend.”

He looks like I just told him I like to wear women’s underwear.“What?”

I reluctantly explain the story.He nods, his facial expression changing from confusion to disgust at Lacey’s brother’s shenanigans, to understanding, then to confusion again.

“I was going to tell her we needed to end things anyway.I can’t get involved with someone.Every time I get something I want in life, it gets fucked up.I don’t want to do that again.But ...”A stabbing burn heats my chest.“I miss her so goddamn much.”

His eyes crinkle up and his mouth turns down at the corners.“Sorry, man.I really didn’t mean to take away something you wanted.I really thought you and Emma were done, even though that doesn’t make it right, what I did.”

I nod.“Thanks.”

“You’re in love with Lacey.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are.You were almost crying, just now, talking about her.”

“Fuck off, I was not!”

“Dude, it’s okay to cry.”

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