Page 108 of Firecracker

“Lavender and lemon balm. You rub it on your temples when you go to bed, and it supposedly helps you sleep better.”

She gazed at the product with hot eyes, that fizzy feeling in her chest intensifying. She hadn’t noticed him pick this up, and it was so thoughtful it almost made her cry. She blinked a few times. “Thank you. I’ll definitely try it.”

She had no trouble sleeping when Tyler was in bed with her. Other than the fact that all the sex interfered with her sleep. Though it made her feel so good, and so relaxed, she slept like crazy afterward, so it seemed like a worthwhile trade-off. Other nights, even though the nightmares had diminished, she still spent too much time ruminating. Worries that she could set aside during the day—like how to make more money, how to afford to pay Jamie rent, what to do with her life—consumed her when lying in bed at night. But it was getting better. She felt herself settling in to her new life and most of the time felt optimistic that things would all work out.

“Next week, we need to find a day to take you to Home Depot,” he said. “We’re just about ready to tile and paint. And we need to pick out fixtures. Jamie’ll come too, since he’s paying the bill.”

“Okay. Good. I’m off Thursday again.”

“Mmm…yeah, that’ll work for me. Maybe we can convince Jamie to play hooky from work to come with us during the day.”

She puttered around her kitchen, cleaning and whipping up a coffee cake that filled the apartment with a delicious cinnamon scent. While that was baking, she ran down to Mila’s apartment.

Mila was in her spare bedroom practicing some moves on the pole.

“You’re getting so much better!” Arden said.

“Thanks.” Mila released the pole and straightened. “So. Sorry about earlier.”

“Don’t worry.” One corner of Arden’s mouth lifted. “That wasn’t as mortifying as the day I met Tyler.”

She’d told Mila and Emma the story one night over wine.

Mila grinned. “Not sure if Tyler would agree. And don’t take this the wrong way, but he has a great ass. Couldn’t help but notice.”

“I can’t blame you. I agree.” She grinned.

“So…you two are…?” Mila waved a hand.

“I don’t know what we are. Obviously we’re sleeping together. We went out for dinner the other night. Today he took me to the market and bought me flowers, and he b-bought me…” She stumbled. “Lavender lemon balm to help me sleep.” Her bottom lip quivered.

“You know he’s a keeper,” Mila said quietly.

“I know.” She met her friend’s eyes. “And it terrifies me.”

“Why? What are you afraid of?” Mila’s face softened.

“I’m afraid…oh God.” Arden tipped her head back. “I’m afraid I’ll lose myself again. Like I did with Michael. I’m not sure I’ve evenfoundmyself again. And then what happens if…if…”

“If things don’t work out?”

She nodded, misery lodging like a rock in her stomach. “Yes. What if I’m so self-centered I can’t really have a relationship?”

Mila’s jaw dropped. “What?”

Arden twisted her fingers together. “I’m afraid…” She stopped.

“What?”

“I was too busy being a pampered princess to realize my marriage was in trouble. I’m afraid I’m not good at relationships.”

“I don’t think that’s true. I wish I were smart about shit like this, but I can’t even figure out my own love life. But I don’t think you’re too self-centered for a relationship. Youcareabout people, Arden.”

Arden pressed her lips together, her throat aching. “I also came here to find myself. To figure out who I am and what I want from life. And if I get involved with someone right away, maybe I never will.”

“I understand.”

“Tyler and I had a fight last night. Because he butted in when I was talking to that guy at the supper club. He was jealous.”

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