Page 104 of Hot Shot

“Talk to us,” Beck says. “Did you tell her how you feel?”

“No. I couldn’t tell her. She needs to do this, and I don’t want to stand in her way.”

“But seriously, nine months . . . Yeah, yeah, I know—”

“Liz loved me.” I scowl. “She wore my ring. She was going to marry me. She couldn’t wait six goddamn months.”

I feel the look Beck and Cade exchange.

“When you trust someone and they betray you, that’s a reflection on them . . . not on you. You know that, right?” Beck asks.

I consider that. No. That’s not how it works. I’m the problem.

“Right?” he says again.

“No.” My jaw tightens.

“Fuck.” He drops his head. “Listen to me. You’re not responsible for people letting you down.”

My chest feels tight, like I’m underwater and straining for air. “That’s how I’ve always felt,” I choke out.

“I know. But you need to get over that. Not everyone’s gonna leave you. We’re here for you.”

It feels goddamn uncomfortable with my biggest fear being exposed like this, laid out in front of them to inspect and dissect. Except . . . these guys already know that about me. We’re all tough guys who’ve been taught never to show weakness, but there’s no way to avoid that when you spend so much time together in intense training and dangerous combat deployments. These two know that about me and respect me anyway, and there’s no one else I trust enough to make myself that vulnerable with. Okay, them and Carrie. “Easy to say,” I mutter, lifting my head but still staring at my hands.

“You know we all have shit we deal with,” Beck says quietly. “We all have different demons, and we all have fears.”

I jerk my head in a nod.

“Do you trust Carrie?” Beck asks.

“Of course I do. But it doesn’t matter.”

“Sure it matters. If you trust her, you should have told her how you felt.”

“Right.”

“Look, you’re the one who lectured me about being afraid to admit how I felt about Hayden. Now you’re doing the same thing.”

“It’s different. Hayden was in love with you. I could see that.”

“Pretty sure I can see that Carrie’s in love with you.”

“Why are you two so blind when it comes to women?” Cade asks.

I lift my head to give Cade a long look, and Beck does the same.

Cade holds his hands up. “Okay, fine. I’m out.”

Beck turns back to me. “What if you told her how you felt? What if you told her you didn’t want her to go, and that was what she needed to hear to stay?”

I stare at Beck. “You don’t know that.”

“No, I don’t. But you don’t know the opposite . . . that if you told her you cared and didn’t want her to go, she’d leave anyway.”

“I can’t ask her to stay! This is her dream.”

“Is it?”

---