Page 89 of Huge Pucking Play

The nursery is just across the hall, but we haven't used it much yet. Neither of us wants him too far away.

"Daddy's got you," I murmur, rubbing his tiny back. My hand is so large compared to his little body. "Let's let Mommy sleep, okay? She's been on duty all day."

The living room is bathed in the city's glow through the windows. Four months in, and I still can't believe he's here. And I’m amazed how much my life has changed.

Carter arrived on a Tuesday morning in April after eighteen hours of labor. Cyn was a total rockstar through the whole thing. I thought I knew what strength was—I've played through broken ribs, taken hits that should have ended my career—but watching her bring our son into the world redefined everything I thought I knew about toughness.

"You're the size of a hockey puck," I tell him, settling into the recliner we bought specifically for these night feedings. "How can you possibly be so loud?"

He grunts in response, his face scrunching up in what Cyn calls his "old man expression." I reach for the bottle I prepped earlier, now at room temperature on the side table. He latches on immediately, his eyes fixed on my face.

Those first days home from the hospital were a blur. Neither of us knew what the hell we were doing. I remember Cyn sitting cross-legged on our bed, surrounded by baby books, crying because Carter wouldn't latch properly for breastfeeding. Then there was the panic when he had his first fever, the rush to the pediatrician that felt like the longest drive of my life.

“Your mommy and I are getting the hang of this though, aren’t we buddy?" I say, adjusting the bottle.

The team gave me two weeks off after he was born. Not nearly enough, but more than most guys get. Cyn is on maternity leave for another two months. We've fallen into a rhythm now—I take the night feedings, she handles the days. Sometimes her mom comes to stay and occasionally Sophie drops by to help out. It takes a village, as they say.

Carter's eyes are getting heavy again, milk drunk and content. A drop of formula slides down his chin, and I wipe it away with my thumb.

I never thought I'd have this. Then Cyn walked into my life, and everything changed. Now there's this tiny human whodepends on us for everything, who's completely transformed our entire world.

I glance over at Oscar in his dog bed and see a familiar black shape curled up next to him. Shade opens her eyes briefly and gives me a lazy blink. Those two despised each other at first but now they are inseparable.

Carter has finished his bottle, and I shift him to my shoulder, patting his back gently. The burp he lets out is impressively loud for someone so small.

"Nice one, bud," I laugh.

I stand, swaying slightly, doing the bounce-walk that somehow became instinctive the moment he was placed in my arms. The city twinkles beyond the windows, and I stare out into the quiet night.

A floorboard creaks, and I turn to see Cyn leaning against the doorframe, watching us. Her hair is a nest of blonde tangles, her eyes heavy with sleep. She wears one of my t-shirts, massive on her frame.

"You didn't have to get up," I whisper.

"I know." She crosses to us, pressing her lips to Carter's head. "I missed you both."

My free arm wraps around her waist, pulling her close. She fits against me perfectly, her head tucked under my chin. Carter sighs between us, already drifting back to sleep.

"We should put him down," she murmurs, but neither of us move toward the bedroom.

"In a minute."

We stand there, the three of us, swaying slightly. In this moment, there's nothing more important to me—my son in my arms, my girl pressed against me, this wonderful fullness in my chest.

Later, when Carter's back in his bassinet, Cyn and I lie facing each other in the half-light. Her fingers trace the stubble on my jaw.

"I never thought it would be like this," she whispers.

"Like what?"

"Like...all-consuming. Terrifying. Incredible. The best thing I've ever done."

I take her hand, press my lips to her palm. "You're amazing with him."

"We're amazing with him," she corrects me.

"I love you," I tell her. "Both of you. So much it hurts sometimes."

She smiles, her eyes already drifting closed. "Mmm. I love you too."

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