Page 60 of Sweet Misery

I moved to the edge of her bed and stared down at her.

She was so fucking beautiful it hurt. I knew as much as the next guy that she didn’t deserve this shit. Even though she’d hurt me and left, she didn’t deserve this.

I knew that when she arrived here and I knew that now. I was just being a dick about feeling jilted. It was part of my deep thinking I’d done all day.

Pulling the covers back, I slid into bed next to her. She mumbled something and snuggled against me. I swallowed hard and wrapped my arm around her, holding her close to me.

Gently, and with a shaky hand, I raked my fingers through her soft hair, my throat tight. Several long minutes passed before her lashes fluttered and she stiffened. Slowly, she looked up at me, her green eyes wavering in the moonlight.

“Darling star,” I whispered, my voice thick with an unfamiliar emotion. Or rather, one I hadn’t felt since the night I’d kissed her all those years ago.

“Sever?” She jerked away from me, making my heart break. I watched as she scrambled across the large mattress and wrapped her sheet tightly around herself. She was still in the white t-shirt.

“Don’t,” I said, reaching for her.

She jerked away from me again.

“Ari, please,” I pleaded. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

The words were foreign on my tongue. My voice didn’t sound like mine as the words tumbled out. Apologizing wasn’t the sort of thing I ever did.

She crinkled her brows at me and loosened her grip on her sheet. I took it as an opportunity to make a move. I scooted over to her and cradled her cheek.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated softly. “I shouldn’t have hurt you the way I did. I shouldn’t have-have done the things to you I did. Taking your virginity… fuck, Ari. I’m sorry.”

She dampened her lips as she stared at me.

“How do I fix this?” I asked, desperate for her to tell me she didn’t hate me.

“Tell me why,” she said, her green eyes searching me.

I studied her for a moment before nodding and letting my hand fall away.

“OK.” I breathed out. “I-I was in love with you in high school. I had been for years. I never knew how to tell you. You were the bright spot in a world of darkness. I woke every day and would rush out, excited to see you. Knowing you’d be there made waking up worth doing. Then we kissed.” I ran my knuckles along her jaw. “You said you wanted me too. I thought that was it. I’d finally gotten something I’d wanted since the moment I met you. Then you left me. No note. No text. No phone call. Nothing. Just gone. You abandoned me, and it hurt me, Ari. It hurt me so bad I couldn’t deal with it. I used too many drugs. I drank too much. Mass found me overdosed once. He pulled me back into this fucking painful existence.”

I took her hand in mine as a look of pure remorse covered her pretty face.

“But I told myself I had to get my shit together because someday I’d find you. In my mind, I’d punish you. Then here you were. Delivered right to my doorstep. I let my hurt and anger fuel my actions. It’s not an excuse, but it’s the only one I have. That and I’m just a piece of shit.” I paused and twined my fingers through hers. “I knew what it was like to be here. I knew what ourtoysgo through. In my mind, you were always mine. Mine first. Mine always. I fucked you that night to prove to myself that you belonged to me. That I had you first. The idea that someone took it first…” I shook my head, not knowing how to finish the sentence. Tell her I’m a fucking monster like my father and brothers? She knew that. That I’m a nightmare with a gun? She knew that too.

“All I can tell you is that I’m sorry. And tell you that I’ll probably do it again. I’ll hurt you. I’ll scare you. But know I-I love you.” My words faltered on my lips as I said them.

“You love me?” Her words were barely above a whisper.

“Of course I do,” I said, swallowing hard. “You’re everything I’ve always wanted. You’ve even ensnared my brothers. That’s how I know you’re perfect. If you can capture their attention, and they hate everything like I do, then I know you’re the one. For all of us.”

“What are you saying?” Her brows crinkled.

I exhaled and licked my lips. “That I want you, Arianna. My Sweet Misery. My darling star. I want you so fucking much that I’m willing to sacrifice everything I’ve ever known to keep you. That I’m willing to share you with my brothers. I love them too. I-I want us all. Together.” I paused and let my words sink in. “Do you think there’s a chance for us?”

Silence hung around us, my pulse whooshing in my ears as I waited for her reply. What would I do if she told me no? That I’d fucked up too much? Would I force it on her? Hurt her? I knew myself well enough to know I’d definitely have to force myselfto walk out without touching her. Delusions weren’t part of who I was. I knew exactly what I was capable of, especially when it came to her.

And if she said yes to me? I’d never had a fucking relationship in my life. She might leave me. Then I’d chase her. Bring her home to me. Again and again if I had to.

She was mine.

Mine.

Mine.

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