Page 27 of Fierce-Hyde

If the person didn’t like what was said, why bother if it’d be one-sided?

“But did she trust you?” she asked. “And you can tell me that it’s none of my business and that is fine too. I won’t take offense.”

“She didn’t trust me,” he said. “She’d tell me she did, but I know she didn’t. She would get jealous at times if I brought up another woman’s name. Even if that woman was married and a coworker. It didn’t matter. It bothered her so I had to guard what I said all the time.”

“Which isn’t healthy,” she said.

“It’s not,” he said. “But we had a good relationship. At least I thought so. We’d been dating well over a year. Talking about moving in together since we were staying at each other’s place most of the time anyway.”

“Sounds like it was all working out for you,” she said. Though she knew that most likely wasn’t the case.

“I thought so. Most times. I had to go out of town for work with a bunch of guys. She called me on Friday night and we were getting ready for dinner. Two of the guys with us were younger and single and talking in the background about going out after.”

“And she heard and thought you were going to do the same thing?” she asked.

They were pausing to eat and her mind was racing with what he might say about Shana’s death. Whatever it was had to be sudden.

“She did. I told her multiple times I wasn’t going to. Three other guys were in relationships and we were going back to our rooms after. I told her I’d call her in an hour or so.”

“She didn’t believe you?” she asked.

“No. But I wasn’t going to get into a fight with her there. The guys were waiting and watching me.”

“I’m not one for airing out dirty laundry in front of people.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time I’d fought with her in front of the guys. Some of them had questioned why we were still together, but I knew I was to blame for how she thought and was still working on her.”

In her mind, there should come a time when you don’t have to keep proving yourself to a person you were in a relationship with.

“What happened?” she asked.

“She went out that night. She didn’t tell me she was. Just sent a picture of herself all dressed up with a caption that she could do the same as me.”

“Ouch,” she said. “Were you jealous?”

“No,” he said. “She’d never go to a bar alone. She’d done that before. Said she was going out because she thought I was. I would just laugh. Probably not the best response.”

“I don’t think so,” she said. She had to wonder how much he changed if he made light of those things, but it wasn’t for her to judge their relationship either.

“She went out with her cousin. Someone slipped something in her drink,” he said.

Her head popped up fast. It was all coming together in her mind now. “Oh.”

“Ecstasy laced with fentanyl. She had a seizure and died at the bar,” he said, then dropped his head down.

She reached her hand over and put it on his. “I’m so sorry, Hyde. You blame yourself, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “How could I not? Her parents blamed me too. Said I’m the reason she did that and was there. That she never trusted me.”

“That’s wrong on their part to put it on your shoulders.”

“We all feel what we do in our grief,” he said. “You can’t control it.”

“And what did you feel?” she asked.

“I felt numb. I spiraled down fast. I was drinking and doing stupid shit hoping to dull the pain that I was feeling. I’d shown up at work hungover a few times and was talked to about it. I got a disciplinary action once. They wanted me to get counseling and I refused.”

“As much as I wish everyone would try it, I know many don’t or won’t.”

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