Page 63 of Fierce-Hyde

“I know that,” Raina said. “You don’t have a lot of trust in men, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but I often wonder if you have a wall up that most don’t have a shot of knocking down. Is it because of your father?”

“I never thought much of it,” she said. “Which is stupid considering my career, but that is most likely a good part of it.”

“Do you know why your father left your mother?” Raina asked. “We’ll get back to you and Hyde soon, but maybe it’s best to start slow so I can figure this out too.”

She laughed. “Are you going to play the counselor now?”

“Sure,” Raina said. “I’ll be you today. Tell me what is on your mind.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” she said, laughing. “But in terms of my parents. I was young. I don’t know much other than my mother is needy. That has always been an issue and won’t change. I’m sure my father got sick of it. But my father also didn’t want to be tied down. So my guess is, they were polar opposites.”

“He was in your life though for years,” Raina said.

“I think out of guilt. Maybe I get the guilt part from him and why I give in to my mother all the time.”

“I don’t think you do it out of guilt,” Raina argued.

“Yeah,” she said. “I do. I know it. It’s the only family I have. It was hard to walk away from my father.”

“So you didn’t want to do that?” she asked.

She took a sip of the coffee. “It wasn’t my plan. I didn’t set out to say I’m not going to reach out to him and see how long it takes him to do it. It was like one week turned to two and then a month and next thing I know I’m getting a text message for birthdays and a few holidays a year. Nothing more. No closure,no nothing. Communication pretty much halted and we became acquaintances and not parent-child.”

“Do you still only get that from your father?” Raina asked. “I’ve never asked.”

She let out a small laugh. “Yep. I get a text for Christmas and my birthday. No cards or gifts or calls. Just a text wishing me that. I guess it’s nice he hasn’t forgotten me.”

She hadn’t talked to anyone about this in years. Never her mother.

Maybe it was her father that made it hard for her to let a man in.

She’d had no closure or conversations with him to know why he did what he had. It’s like they were hanging on...just in case.

Raina reached her hand over. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. And I can see where that makes it hard for you to let someone in because you have had no great examples of men in your life. Me, I was spoiled. I had my father and two older brothers.”

“You were spoiled,” she said, grinning. “But you hated Jonah and Trent always hovering over you.”

“I did. I still do, but they aren’t as bad anymore. They’ve got their own significant others to do that to. But my point is, I’ve had men in my life I’ve loved and trusted. For me, it might have been finding someone that could measure up to them.”

“And you did,” she said. “My measuring stick is about a toothpick in length so it doesn’t count.”

Raina coughed on her sip of coffee. “Good point. So sex with Hyde.”

“The toothpick made you think that?” she asked, laughing. Boy she missed this so much in her life and was glad she had it again with Raina.

“If that is the case, you wouldn’t have rushed over here to tell me about your night.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Raina. I can tell you this and no one else. Oh my God.” She was fanning her face. “My body just takes over with him. He knows what he’s doing and I’m trying hard to tell myself it’s not because of the experience he has, but I know that is the case.”

“Don’t think that,” Raina said. “You two could just have that deep and strong of a connection more than anything. I’ve got it with Cody. It’s like you’re so in tune with each other you don’t need to think or focus on anything.”

“Maybe it’s that,” she said. “I think I’ll agree with it because I’d like it to be that. But then we fought again after the first time.”

Raina cringed. “That’s becoming a habit for you two.”

She sighed. “I know. And it was my fault. He was the mature one. Or handled it maturely. I just get done experiencing a sexual encounter like I’ve never had before. My body is humming, my brain is spinning and I say it was a huge mistake.”

“Yikes,” Raina said. “I can see where he’d get mad.”

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