Page 291 of Untouchable

Goodbye to you, too,he says, looking up at the silhouette of the highest ridge of Storm Mountain.

He wipes his eyes and goes back inside.

* * *

Parker takesan inordinate amount of time to come to the kitchen, and Harp is only impatient because the feeling that he's done the wrong thing is getting harder to fight the longer he has to wait.

Parker looks like he's coming to face a firing squad as he crosses the floor to take a seat. He hasn't realized yet that Bo is trailing behind him, but once Parker takes a seat and opens his mouth to say something, Bo must nuzzle his leg. Harp watches as Parker's face falls, as he looks down and draws a deep breath.

"Oh no," he says. "Oh, hi, buddy." Parker bends at the waist to scoop Bo up and hold him against his shoulder, snuggling his face against one of Bo's long sides.

Harp feels as if he's missed something. Parker looks like he's going to cry. That means he's... really decided, then.

Harp tries not to tell himself that Parker will miss the dog more than he misses Harp as he watches Parker nuzzle Bo.

"I know you're probably ready to get out of here but I need to apologize and say some things before you go. Would you just hear me out?" Harp asks, working hard to control his breathing.

* * *

Parker burieshis face in Bo’s fur and inhales deeply. The little dog is stinky, as usual, and it’s strangely comforting.

He sets Bo down. The worst part of all this, he realizes, is that he’s still hoping for a different ending. He’s hoping Harp will find some magical combination of words that will make things okay—not because Parker is making excuses for his partner, but because he shows he understands Parker’s concerns, that he is really listening to Parker.

Parker realizes he’s still holding onto the last shard of hope that Harp is, in fact, the person Parker wants him to be.

But the odds of that are…

Parker doesn’t want to think about it. He’s seen this before, with Cole.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. It’s a quote from one of Mindy’s many self-improvement and relationship advice books that are stacked all around the apartment.

But who is Harp? The person who’d driven him to the ER? The person who’d sent him home with a plate of leftovers, before they were even friends? The person who’d seemed so amazed, lost in disbelief, that Parker could want him?

Or the person who’d sat in silence while Gil had torn Parker down all day and all night? The person who’d told him to talk differently, to act differently? The person who’d sent him a single, cold text after such an awful night?

Parker realizes he’s simply been staring at Harp. He swallows hard.

“Yeah,” he says, his voice hoarse.

* * *

Harp takesa deep breath and forces himself to look into Parker's eyes, at least for a moment, at least for the beginning.

“I haven’t done the right things for you—and I won’t apologize again for some of the dumb times I overstepped my boundaries in the past—but I fucked up this week with Gil. I don’t know how I should’ve handled it—getting him a hotel room, sending him home, finding a different compromise—but I didn’t handle it right for him or for you.”

This part is easy to say. It’s easy to apologize for one night.

“Things are going to be okay with me and Gil. But I know I did the wrong thing for you—especially at dinner. And no, maybe nothing I did was the worst thing ever, but none of it was good and I know I fucked up. I didn’t defend you, and worse, I criticized you and acted like you were responsible, at least in part, for how Gil was treating you. That's how people have treated me my whole life: like I deserve what's coming to me just because I'm being myself.”

Harp forces himself to take a gulp of water and slow down, to think out his words.

* * *

Parker suddenly can’t quite breathe.He hadn’t been expecting this, for Harp to zero in so quickly, so bluntly about what had upset him the most. Something tightens then lightens in his chest, but he’s too scared to believe the little bloom of hope he feels.

He nods, not trusting himself to speak yet.

“It’s my first big fuckup with you, I guess,” Harp says. “And this is the time when I’m supposed to shut down and turn it all off and retreat back up on the mountain. Because that’s what I do."

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