Page 276 of Untouchable

"Right, but you're already a massage therapist. Do you seriously want to do that for the rest of your life? That's really... where your career lands, for you?"

“I doubt it,” Parker says. He feels strangely serene, as though he’s drifting through a lucid dream. The questions might change slightly each time, but he’s had this conversation before. There’s no way to win, so there’s no need to try. “Massage therapy is really physically demanding. I try to take care of myself, but I’m not gonna be able to do this for the rest of my life.”

He doesn’t bother telling Gil about his thoughts for after, or what other adjacent careers he might pursue. He takes a sip of his water, and glances at Harp, who is staring at the candlelight like he’s completely entranced. He wonders if Harp even hears them.

He realizes, too, that he’s not mad at Harp. Harp is completely out of his element in a restaurant that’s too crowded, too loud, too much. Harp is probably having just as bad of a night as Parker even without trying to mediate the conversation between his brother and his boyfriend.

I’m on my own with this,Parker thinks. He wishes he wasn’t, but that won’t change anything.

"I guess if working falls through, there's always Harp," Gil says, nodding to himself as if it's a foregone conclusion, taking a large sip of water.

"Gil, come on," Harp says, his head snapping up. "You can't—"

Parker stares at Gil. Time seems to slow.

“Sorry, I don’t quite understand?” he says, his gaze steady. Gil glances up at him, looking slightly surprised, as though he can’t possibly comprehend why Parker is taken aback.

"I mean, he's a good backup plan, right? I know I can't really talk because he still helps me so much," Gil says. "I'm just saying I get it, y'know?"

Parker’s jaw clenches.

“Harp isn’t a backup plan,” he says.

The worst part about all of this, Parker thinks, is that he can’t even tell if Gil is being deliberately passive aggressive or if he has a unique gift for saying the exact wrong thing. More and more, he thinks it’s deliberate, but even after spending 26 years dealing with people like his mother, he’s still shocked that someone would intentionally say such hurtful things.

"Oh? Then what happens when your body gives out, or whatever, if you're not going back to school?" Gil asks.

* * *

Harp isn’t followingthe conversation anymore. There is a deep feeling of displeasure unfurling in his guts and it seems to make its way upwards.

Morton Shannon Harper, do not throw up.

This is already a disaster. That is literally the only thing you could do to make this worse. Don’t.

Through sheer force of will and white knuckling it under the table, Harp forces the nausea to pass. He begins chugging ice water, trying to be inconspicuous.

Luckily, Paker and Gil don’t seem to have noticed the silent gastric drama playing out across the table.

* * *

“Gil,”he says, careful to keep his voice neutral as possible. “Is this really about my career? Or is this about something else?”

"What else would it be about?"

Parker realizes he’s gripping the edge of the table, his fingernails are digging into the varnish. He loosens his grip and sits up a little straighter.

“I get the feeling you don’t approve of our relationship, Gil,” Parker says, and he feels as if someone else is speaking through him, someone who’s a little smarter, a little more confident, a little better at defending himself.

Or maybe, Parker realizes, this is who Parker is. Parker can’t deny the positive impact Harp has had on him. And regardless of what happens after this night, Parker thinks, he’s happy to have had Harp in his life this fall. Happy to be a better, stronger person because of it.

“And I feel like you don’t particularly like me,” he continues. “Which is fine. I don’t need us to be friends. I don’t need you to like me. But I do need you to treat me with respect. And sitting here criticizing my job and implying I’m using the man I love for money is about as far from respect as it gets.”

"You sure are feeling a lot of things, Parker," Gil says cooly. "This isn't about respect. It's about me being concerned for my brother—and how fast you're starting to depend on him."

Parker reels slightly. Standing up for himself is one thing. But he hadn’t quite remembered that it wouldn’t be a one and done kind of affair. He takes a breath and re-centers himself.

What was it Harp had said? Let them be a little mad.

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