Page 145 of Untouchable

“It’s perfect,” Harp says, and Parker grins at him.

“I’m gonna hop in the shower,” Parker says. “I’ve got piglet slime on me. I’ll be super quick, I promise.”

As Parker exits, Harp hopes there's more food planned because there's no chance, left unsupervised now, that he's not going to eat every bite of the food left in front of him.

He's famished and he doesn't hold back now that there's no one to watch him, loading up a slice of baguette with entirely too much cheese and meat. He's got the thing halfway down his gullet when he hears a key in the door.

You've gotta be fucking kidding me, he thinks, turning away from the door like a surprised raccoon in an alley and attempting to chew and swallow the food in his hand as fast as possible.

“Oh, hi, Harp. Uh… where’s Parker?”

"Mindy," he says, only he's mid-swallow and it comes out muddy, like Mundy! Harp coughs and tries again.

"Mindy. He's showering."

If I sit still, maybe she won't see me.

“Are you… wearing my sheet?”

"I... Yes. I'll... wash it."

Harp is almost afraid not to look her in the eye as she drops her purse on the counter and walks into the living room.

“I don’t care. But, for future reference, I think the pale pink is washing you out a little bit. You’re definitely an autumn color palette. Try deeper things like jewel tones.”

Harp lets an enormous breath out as silently as possible as Mindy snags an apple off the plate and assesses him.

"Thank you. Parker doesn't have anything even close to fitting me and I assure you the current draped, amorphous blob look is a lot less offensive than the one stuffed in Parker clothes would've been."

Mindy actually cracks half a smile. “Crop tops are very in right now for guys, you know.”

Getting Mindy to smile feels like a major accomplishment and more words tumble out of Harp. This must be what it feels like to be Parker, he realizes.

"That's very hashtag body-posi of you, Mindy. I appreciate the implication that my hairy belly out in your living room wouldn't have been met with a call to the police."

“Oh my god,” Mindy says, cocking her head in a very Parker-esque way. “Not gonna lie, I’m kind of surprised you know what a hashtag is.”

"Not gonna lie, I've been spending more time on Urban Dictionary since I met Parker," Harp says, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ll bet you have,” she says in a tone of voice so lascivious that Harp isn’t even sure what she means to imply. “Do you want more food? Parker eats the weirdest shit and forgets to eat all the time. He’s definitely from a different planet. I have, like, these rice bowls and shit that you can put in the microwave.”

"Oh, no, I'm great—this was great," Harp says. Suddenly he's unmoored. Mindy isn't one of his friends, and Harp is sitting here in her living room, wrapped in her bedsheet. And of course she thinks it's not enough food for Harp. It's not and it doesn't look like it. He looks like a guy who can put it away and Mindy had zeroed right in on that.

He realizes he's staring intently at his bare feet and forces himself to smile at her.

“Well, I have a date to get ready for. Have fun tonight.” She disappears down the hallway towards the bedrooms, pausing to bang on the bathroom door. “Hurry up, I need to shower too.”

Harp folds his hands in his lap and tries to make himself smaller, failing as always. Short of that, he presses back as far as he can into the cushions of the couch and hopes Parker won't be much longer.

* * *

Parker finishes up quickly.On his way to his room, he sticks his head in Mindy’s room.

“I hope you were nice to him,” he hisses, and she flashes him an inscrutable smile.

“Of course I was,” she says sweetly. Parker grins and flips her off, and she laughs.

“Have fun on your date, you asshole,” he says. He pulls on a clean pair of flannel pants and a sweater and pads out into the living room.

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