Page 101 of Untouchable

Harp smiles. "Sometimes it's okay to get high just to get high. Or, well, if you want to look to me as your source for social mores, it's okay. I'd advise against that—it tends to land you alone on the side of a mountain."

Parker laughs.

“Okay, but you have a lot of dogs, so it’s not all that bad.”

And you have me, he thinks.

"And you," Harp says.

“And me,” Parker agrees.

They look at each other for a long moment, and suddenly, what they’re doing, the space between them, doesn’t feel new and fraught and uncertain. It feels like he’s known Harp forever, like they’ve been lovers for decades and are sharing a look built on memories and commitment and trust.

He clears his throat and glances away.

Christ, he thinks. You fall fast, but this has gotta be some kind of record.

“So, um, do you smoke outside?” Parker asks.

"Nah, my house, my rules. Joint smoke is a lot less obnoxious than cigarette smoke," Harp says. "Unless you want me to step outside? I guess secondhand smoke is still secondhand smoke."

Parker shakes his head quickly. Quite the opposite, in fact—he’s working up the courage to ask Harp if he can try.

“You’re fine,” he says.

Parker knows he’s being a complete creep, just sitting here staring at Harp. Part of it is that he’s fascinated by what Harp is doing, how at home he looks. And part of it is that Parker’s enjoying the luxury of being able to stare at Harp, of knowing that he doesn’t need to hide how he feels anymore.

At this, he smiles but bites it back before Harp catches him staring with a goofy grin on his face.

If Harp is bothered by Parker staring at him, he doesn’t let on, though.

* * *

Harp isthankful that he'd cleaned out the little antique ashtray he uses the day before Parker arrived. Having everything spotless and neat makes the activity feel much more legitimate.

He has a nice heavy lighter case, silver and engraved with his initials, a gift from Gil. Lighting the joint is such a familiar action that he could do it with his eyes closed, and in the same way that the repetition of smoking soothes him, this muscle memory helps him find his center. Harp takes his first real drag before looking up at Parker. His companion is fascinated, or at least staring intently as he zones out thinking about something else.

“Can I, um, try it?” Parker asks after Harp exhales and smiles at him.

"Of course, if you want," Harp says quickly. "I couldn't tell if you enjoyed it last night."

“I did for a little while. I mean, in the beginning, when I was first feeling it, it felt really fucking good, you know? I just wanted to like… take off my clothes and roll around. And, um…” He glances away, too embarrassed to actually meet Harp’s gaze as he confesses this. “And kiss you.”

Parker chews on his lip.

The most beautiful man you know wants to kiss you,Harp thinks to himself, astonished.

“I think—I think it was that I was drinking, too, and then talking about my family. And also—I dunno. It’s just, a lot, you know? This.” He gestures at the space between them. “I was kind of… excited and terrified all at once just to be hanging out with you. But it feels different now. Like I’m just excited, but I’m not nervous anymore. But anyway, you said joints hit you faster, right? So even if it’s bad, it’ll pass quicker and I wouldn’t end up crying a bunch again. But if you don’t want to risk it, I get it, or if—ah, sorry—I’m rambling—shit—shut up, Parker.”

"You really wanted to kiss me last night?" Harp has forgotten the lit joint in his hand.

Parker laughs.

“Oh my god, are you serious? I was worried I was going to get too high and throw myself at you and just totally ruin things. I could barely concentrate on what we were talking about at first because that’s all I was thinking about. It was weird, though, I didn’t get… like, hard, you know, from thinking about it, which is good because that would have been super obvious but I just couldn’t stop thinking about how good it would feel.”

"That was me earlier tonight, when we were out in the snow," Harp says. "You have to admit, before the coyote came along, it would've been romantic."

Harp gets the joint lit again and offers it out to Parker.

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