Page 37 of Poltergeists & Change of Life

Aidon's sword materialized in his hand with a flash of light that screamed 'epic hero moment’. "Time to go," he said, his voice tense. "Stella, we need that information. Any way to take it with us?"

Stella's eyes darted around frantically before landing on her phone. "I'll photograph everything I can," she said, already snapping pics faster than a paparazzo at a celebrity wedding. "It's not ideal, but it's better than nothing."

As Stella played magical archaeologist with her smartphone, I made my way painfully slowly over to the original Heart. I was drawn by its pulsing rhythm. Up close, it was hypnotic, almost seductive. I could feel its power calling out. It was promising something. Knowledge, power, maybe a really good back rub. It was hard to tell.

Without thinking, I reached out to touch it. My self-preservation instincts had taken an impromptu vacation. In retrospect, it was not my brightest moment. It was right up there with ‘Sure, I can totally eat that entire extra-large pizza by myself’ and ‘How bad could morning sickness really be?’

The moment my fingers made contact, a jolt of energy surged through me. It made touching an electric fence feel like a gentle caress. Visions flashed before my eyes. I saw countless worlds and infinite possibilities. At the center of it all was the Heart. It was beating in time with the triplets inside me. It was beautiful and terrifying.

I yanked my hand back with a gasp right as another explosion rocked the chamber. "Okay," I panted, "note to self: no touching the dangerous artifacts. No matter how pretty and tempting they might be. This isn't a cosmic petting zoo, Phoebe."

Stella finished her impromptu photo shoot and rushed over. Her phone was clutched tight. "I got as much as I could," she said breathlessly. "Let's just hope my cloud storage doesn't choose now to have an existential crisis."

Aidon ushered us towards the exit, his sword at the ready. "Move, now! We'll decipher the cosmic selfies later."

We fled the chamber and dodged falling debris and the occasional shadow tendril. My mind raced the entire time. I couldn’t make sense of anything. Figuring out our next steps was next to impossible. Aidon was at my side in an instant, his face etched with concern. "Are you alright? What happened?"

I shook my head, trying to clear the lingering visions. It was like having the mother of all brain freezes. "I'm fine. Just got a front-row seat to the 'Cosmic Horror Greatest Hits' show. Zero out of ten, do not recommend. Though the special effects were pretty impressive. Eat your heart out, James Cameron."

Another explosion rocked the chamber. It was closer this time. Dust and debris rained down from the ceiling. Our time was rapidly running out. The shadow beings were clearly not in the mood for a peaceful negotiation. Or maybe they were just really enthusiastic about remodeling. Either way, it was time to make like a tree and get the hell out of there.

"Please tell me we have an exit strategy," I said as I eyed the shaking walls warily. "Because I don't fancy becoming a permanent exhibit in the world's most homicidal museum. 'Here we have the pregnant witch and her companions, forever preserved in their last moment of sheer panic and sarcasm.' It's not exactly the legacy I had in mind."

Melinoë suddenly perked up like a goth kid who had discovered a new shade of black. "Exit strategy? Oh honey, I've got something better than that," she purred. There was a manic gleam in her eyes that made me seriously consider the benefits of adult diapers. "I've got an exit extravaganza."

Before any of us could ask what in the name of all that's unholy she meant by that, Melinoë raised her arms dramatically. The air around her began to shimmer and darken. I swear reality itself was cowering in fear of what was about to happen. "Um, Mel?" I squeaked and backed away as fast as my feet could carry me. "Whatever you're about to do, maybe tone it down a notch? Remember, we're trying to escape, not redecorate the entire underworld."

She flashed me a grin that would have sent the Cheshire Cat running for therapy. "Darling, in my experience, there's no such thing as 'too much' when it comes to making an exit. Noweveryone, hold onto your butts. This is gonna be one hell of a ride."

With a cackle that would have made witches worldwide slow-clap in appreciation, Melinoë unleashed her power. It was like watching a supernova made of pure darkness. One that had decided to take up demolition as a hobby.

The walls of the catacombs didn't just crumble. They exploded outward in a spectacular display of supernatural demolition. Bones, ancient artifacts, and chunks of stone went flying in every direction like the world's most macabre confetti cannon had just gone off. I watched in horrified fascination as a skeleton did a perfect triple axel past my head. Its bony arms were spread wide as if to say, ‘Ta-da! I've waited centuries for this moment!’ Femurs and tibias whizzed by like petriified missiles. I'm pretty sure I saw a skull using a vertebrae as a makeshift skateboard.

"Holy mother of... Duck!" I yelled, pulling Stella down just as a particularly enthusiastic pelvic bone sailed over our heads.

As the dust settled, along with various bits of former catacomb residents, I realized we were standing in what used to be a quaint Prague street. Tourists and locals alike stared at us in slack-jawed amazement. They were probably trying to decide if this was some elaborate street performance or if they should start running and screaming.

I straightened up, brushing bone dust off my clothes and trying to look as nonchalant as one can when emerging from a magical explosion while heavily pregnant. "Well," I said, eyeing the massive hole we'd just made in the street, "I guess that's one way to avoid the tourist crowds."

Melinoë looked entirely too pleased with herself. "See? Told you I had it covered. Nothing says 'exit' quite like remodeling with extreme prejudice."

Aidon pinched the bridge of his nose, looking like a man who'd just realized his family reunion was actually a circus. "Melinoë, we talked about this. 'Subtle' doesn't mean 'blow up everything in sight'. You need to find some vamps to erase their memories." He gestured to our slack-jawed onlookers, who were busy trying to decide if they should run screaming or start taking selfies with the debris.

"Details, details," she waved him off with all the nonchalance of someone who'd just spilled a drink instead of remodeling half of Prague. "We're out, aren't we? Besides, think of it as my contribution to Prague's urban renewal project. They wanted to attract more tourists, right? Well, nothing draws a crowd quite like an impromptu archaeological excavation in the middle of the street. I'll meet you at the plane." She strode off into the night without another word, leaving chaos in her wake like some kind of goth Mary Poppins.

I laughed as sirens began to wail in the distance, and curious onlookers started to gather. It was either that or cry, and if I started bawling, I might not stop until the triplets graduated college. "Well, gang," I said, patting my belly as the triplets did what felt like a victory dance inside, "I think it's safe to say our little Prague adventure just got a lot more... explosive. Anyone up for going back to the café where we can pick up the rest of their pastries to take home? I'm not-"

"You guys go stock up while I wait for my sister," Aidon instructed, cutting off my pastry-fueled rambling. He didn't have to tell us twice.

At the mention of snacks, we took off like a rocket. It was amazing how the promise of sugar and carbs could suddenly make my swollen ankles and aching back feel like minor inconveniences. As we power-walked (or in my case, power-waddled) back towards the café, I couldn't help but grin.

We'd just blown-up half of ancient Prague and were probably on every supernatural watch list in Europe. We weren’t done yet, but we were going to do it with a bag full of the world's best pastries. Because when you're a pregnant witch on a mission, you learn to appreciate the little things. Like a strudel that could make you forget you just participated in magical vandalism on a grand scale. Just another day in the life, right? Bring on the next stage... right after I demolish a few more of those heavenly chocolate croissants.

CHAPTER 17

You'd think after zipping around in my own private jet, I'd be feeling pretty damn good. But let me tell you when you're knocked up with triplets and your life's turned into a cosmic shit show, even leather seats and champagne (which I couldn't drink anyway) lose their charm. Nana, Stella, and I stumbled through the front door like a bunch of drunken penguins while Aidon and Melinoë strode gracefully inside. Instead of being hammered we were exhausted and stressed. In my case, uncomfortable thanks to a uterus that felt like it was hosting a rave.

I made it approximately two steps before my stomach decided to stage the revolt it’d been considering for hours. "Incoming!" I yelled before making a mad dash to the bathroom. Nothing says 'welcome home' like hugging a toilet bowl, right?

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