His voice is heavy as he speaks again. “But I never meant to kill him. I never meant to...” He drops his gaze from mine, but even though he’s looked away, I can’t. Everything about him is raw right now. I know without a doubt in this moment, at least, this ismyDaenn, the one I’ve longed for.
And suddenly I wish we weren’t sitting on opposite sides of the fire.
“I realized I’m probably responsible for my mother’s death.” The pain in that sentence guts me, but he continues before I can argue such a ridiculous claim. “I’ve never had any sort of control over my magic. It seems to stem from the amount of time people spend with me, even touch...” His fist flexes, and my heart breaks a little. I wish I hadn’t been right in that guess. “I’ve killed most of my most trusted allies. My warriors survive because I send them out on missions. I suspect this is the first time Eskil has been home since last summer.”
Horror floods me at that. He managed to protect Eskil from his curse only to have him fall because of me?
Daenn glances back up at me, his brow furrowed. “I’ve killed most of the council that sat for my father. Even a fewof the chiefs from the other clans have fallen. I’ve done what I can. I cover my skin. I keep my distance from everyone, but the damage is done. The rumors...” He trails off.
I flinch at the word. I’ve heard those rumors. After what he did to Tolomon, what he did to me, I believed every one of them. Shame twists through me. How easily I swallowed them as truth instead of trusting in my oldest friend.
His mouth twists in a bitter smile, like he knows what I’m thinking, and his gaze turns to the fire. “The rumors have spread. I’m nothing but a warlord. A monster. A tyrant.”
“Why not step down?” I ask the question softly. I don’t want it to come across as accusatory, not when he’s actually opening up to me. “Wouldn’t that best protect the clan?”
He grimaces. “If I had someone I trusted to step in for me, Iwouldstep down. But Viggo, unfortunately, has survived the curse, and while he’s alive, my trying to install anyone else would only cause a bloodbath. And he would be far worse than me. Death follows me, but he wants nothing more than to turn our clans into conquerors.”
“Like his father?”
“Like his father. He gives me as much strife as his father gave mine. His clan is constantly pushing boundaries, raiding villages and claiming they were antagonized into it…” He shakes his head. “No. As much of a curse as I am, Viggo would be worse for our people.”
And yet, despite how much trouble Viggo gives him, he would never intentionally kill Viggo in cold blood. He doesn’t say it, but I can hear it. I know it, because Daenn’s not a monster.
How did I not see that before?
I’m certain of that after this conversation. But there’s still one more thing I need to understand, because there’s still one more act that does not fit with the Daenn I knew.
“Why did you kill Tolomon?” Why did he steal me away like an object? I’m not quite brave enough to voice that question. I don’t want him to pull away from me.
His face hardens. “It started when you left, Emi. I’ve been desperate to fix this since it began, and it’s only grown worse. The vultures are circling me. Viggo wants my throne, and I refuse to let him have it and bring war down on our people and the lowlands. I needed to do something.” Slowly, so slowly, he looks up from the fire and stares at me. “I needed you.”
“You could have had my help without killing my husband,” I whisper.
He scoffs. “Do you really think Tolomon would have been all right with you returning to the clan, staying near another man? He strikes me as having been the jealous sort.”
I can’t argue with that. Tolomonwasa jealous man. I didn’t realize it at first, but it became more and more clear the longer we were married.
Still, I shake my head. “But you shouldn’t have killed him, Daenn. I would have helped you regardless, and I wasn’t yours to take like some sort of possession.”
Daenn’s on his feet then, his jaw clenching, and I can practically feel his anger surge around and through me.
He leans forward, his voice low. “You keep saying that. Let’s set one thing straight:Ihave never seen you as a possession, Emana. I was not the one who started the fight with Tolomon. I just ended it.”
He stalks away, disappearing into the underbrush at the edge of our clearing. I stare after him, his words echoing in my mind. I want to believe him, but my bruised heart is atether to reality. His words are exactly what I want to hear, but they don’t change that hedidtake me and force me into this marriage. His reasons may have been for the clan, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t run roughshod over me in the process. And I don’t know how to reconcile that with what he’s said.
14
Desperately Needed a Friend
Seven Years Prior
Istared out the drawing room window, watching the rain. Hating the rain.
It had been raining for days, trapping me in the house. It was becoming harder and harder not to view my new home as a prisoner, and Tolomon my jailer.
That was maybe a tad dramatic. He wasn’t a monster. He just… had a sharp tongue when he’d decided I’d failed him in some way. And had a temper. And tended to be overly jealous of my spending time with anyone besides him. Not just men, but women too. I’d been struggling to make any sort of friends since moving to the lowlands, and his attitude about it all only made it worse.
There had been a few servants at the very beginning who had seemed friendly, but they had vanished after a few weeks. Tolomon had told me they’d requested to be transferred, or they’d had to leave to get married. At first I’d thought luck wasn’t on my side, but I couldn’t ignore the signs, and I couldn’t stop the resentment at his behavior that bubbled up in me.