Page 13 of Played By the Fool

“Can I ask you something?” Kali asks softly.

“Of course.”

“Do you love John?”

I stop and look at her.

“I did. Or I thought I did. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. But I know I cared about him a lot.”

“Did he say he loved you?”

I nod. “I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could say to make this easier on you.”

“You know that none of this is your fault, right? Even if I wanted to blame you, I can’t. John is the one who made the decision to do this to us,” Kali says.

“I know, but I still feel like I should’ve questioned more. Like why he didn’t want me to come to his apartment. And the trips he took back home, he didn’t want me to go. In fact, I’ve never talked to his mom or dad. He always had some excuse about me meeting them, even on video.”

“Did your family meet him?”

“They did. They visited a few months ago. I don’t know how to tell them what he did. I feel so dumb.”

“Please don’t feel that way. I mean, I know that’s easier said than done. Because I feel that way too. But we have to keep telling ourselves that it was him. Not us.”

I know Kali is right and I’m grateful that she’s such a sweet person. I wish neither of us had ever met John.

My phone chimes and I look down to see a text from Ciarán.

Ciarán: Morning beautiful

Emilia: Morning

Ciarán: What are your plans for today?

Emilia: I’m not sure. Are you leaving today?

Ciarán: No, we’re staying one more day. My sisters wanted to know if you and Courtney would like to spend the day with us

Emilia: We’d have to invite Kali too

Ciarán: Of course

Emilia: What would you like to do?

Ciarán: As long as I get to spend time with you, it doesn’t matter

Courtney’s staring at me.

“Is that Ciarán?” my sister asks, smiling at me.

“Maybe., I say as I stick my tongue out at her.

“You know it’s okay if you like him. You don’t owe John anything so if that’s why you’re hesitating? Stop.”

I sigh. “I’m just worried that I didn’t see what he was really like. What if I make that mistake again?”

“What does your gut tell you about Ciarán?”

“That he’s the one,” I say softly.

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