Page 14 of Played By the Fool

“Well for one? You never said that about John. In fact, I remember you saying that you felt like something was off. Now we know what that was. I like Ciarán and his family. I don’t think you’re wrong to like him.”

“But he’s leaving, and he doesn’t even live in the US. He lives in Ireland.”

“So what? People survive long-distance relationships all the time. There are these cool things called airplanes. They can take you both back and forth to each other.”

“Smartass.”

Courtney laughs as we clean up.

“Would you be okay with hanging out with Ciarán and his family today? He invited all three of us,” I say as Kali comes back into the kitchen.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude, you’re doing me such a huge favor already,” Kali answers.

“Of course. We can walk around town and have lunch somewhere. There’s a winery we could go to if everyone would be interested in something like that.”

“That sounds like fun. Ciarán seems like a really nice guy,” Kali smiles at me.

“I’ll be honest, I’ve never met anyone like him. And I love it and I’m scared at the same time.”

“I think after what we’ve been through? Any relationship that comes to us for a while will feel like that. But don’t give John that power. Fuck him,” Kali says to me.

Kali and Courtney are right. If I walk away from Ciarán because I’m scared then I’m giving John that power over me. That’s not going to happen.

Ciarán

“So are we seeing Emilia today?” Aisling asks me as we eat breakfast.

“She hasn’t answered me yet.” I laugh.

“Ugh. I want to get to know the woman who’s caught your eye,” she teases me.

“We’re only here for one more day…”

“So? You can come back and see her. Maybe ask her to come to Lake Renegade?”

“Isn’t it a little fast for that? I don’t want to scare her off.”

“I guess it depends on how she feels about you. And how you feel about her.”

“I feel like I need her around. I want to skip all the beginning stuff and just be with her. Is that weird?”

“No baby brother, that’s not weird. Da and Mam say that’s how they were when they met.”

“That’s how I felt when I met your Mamo, we were fifteen,” Daideó says as he walks into the room. “The moment I saw her I knew she was the one I wanted. I’ve never loved another woman like I love her.”

My sisters and I smile as we listen to our daideó. I love hearing him talk about his life. They’ve told us how much they fought to keep our da. But their parents refused to listen or help them. They thought about running away together. But they didn’t know how they would support themselves. So they did the best thing they could at the time. Da is so much happier now. I can see much of the pain that used to show on his face is gone. He seems lighter now.

“How did you know Mamo was the one for you? Did she feel the same?” Áine asks.

“I did feel the same. But I didn’t know how to deal with those feelings. My parents weren’t the kind that hugged us and told us they loved us. I’m sure they did love us. But they just didn’t show it. All I knew was that in my heart I felt safe with your Daideó. He made me feel like nothing could ever hurt me,” Mamo says as she joins us.

“My parents were the same. They weren’t bad, they just weren’t very loving. And I promised myself that when I had a wife and family, I would show them how much I loved them. When we had to give your da up, I thought I failed at that. And I did things I’m not proud of. Somehow your Mamo forgave me for those things and I promised her that I would spend the rest of our lives making it up to her.”

“And he has. I’ve never doubted him. I knew why he did what he did and before you ask…yes. He was with other women. It was right after we had to give your da up and he was building the MC. Back then, it was part of the life. Women, drugs, drinking, all of it. When I found out about the women, I told him it was me orthem. I knew that I could never take him away from the club. But the women? That could stop, it was a choice.”

“And the choice I made was to be faithful to my woman. The one who would have my back from that moment on. Our club is our family. And one you’ll all come to love and trust. But your wife or husband will be the more important person in your life. That’s how it should be. The club will never be more important than them,” Daideó says.

Listening to my grandparents talk makes me realize that’s how I feel about Emilia. Sure, I just met her. But there’s a connection there that I can’t explain. And I don’t want to ignore it.

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