Page 83 of Memories with Fire

The only reason I’m entertaining the idea is because of the anti-nausea drugs that made the world stop spinning. Dr. Verdeem said he’d send me home with something for it later, but I know it won’t be as good, and the thought of any nausea makes me want to hurl. When I came to after passing out, once we were safe, the world didn’t cease rotating. It felt like I had gotten off one of the rides at the Boardwalk. I was grateful when the paramedics showed up and gave me something to calm it down.

“Avoid bright lights, stimulation, and get lots of rest, especially in the first forty-eight hours, right, Doc?” I ask, eyebrows raised. It only lasts a second before they’re dropping again, my eyes drooping towards closed. Pain meds. I’ve been fighting against the rest they’re wanting me to take. There’s no resting until I know Luke is okay.

“Hailey, please? Look, honey, I know that I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I have so much to apologize for, but please, if you can’t do this for yourself, please do it for me,” my mom begs, taking my hand to squeeze.

Sliding my eyes in her direction, I swallow my sigh. I don’t know what to do with her or how to feel about her right now. I know that I love my mom and that I want to work things out. But I’m still so damn mad at her. And yet, so bloody grateful. And proud. She did things today I never would have thought her capable of. Defending herself against Priscylla, running into an unpredictable situation when she came up the stairs to find me, rather than fleeing out the front door. Facing her fear of being up high and on a roof. I don’t know if I’d believe it if I hadn’t witnessed all of it.

It feels complicated and messy, and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I’m itching to find Luke. It’s the main reason I don’t want to stay here. It’s been a couple of hours since he was taken away. Long enough that I’ve been taken for scans, talked to an officer about everything, and now gotten my results from the doctor. I’m done being patient. I need to see him. Whatever they think he did, he didn’t do, and I tried to tell the officer that, but he just said he’d take it under advisement.

“I’ll stay, at least for a few hours, on one condition,” I finally say, crossing my arms over my chest. The wire from my IV pulls, though, and I drop my hands back into my lap, lifting my chin instead.

My mom nods vigorously. “Name it. Anything.”

I was hoping she would say that. “Go find Luke.”

She looks stricken, her eyes widening, her hand clutching her throat. “Hailey, no. No, you can’t be serious. He’s dangerous.”

“Pardon?” I question, incredulous. “Dangerous?” Surely I heard her wrong.

“Yes, dangerous, Hailey. This is the second time he’s almost taken you away from me,” she hisses, and I’m shocked to discover how sincere she looks.

For a minute I can only blink at her, trying to wrap my head around what she’s saying. It sounds as delusional as Priscylla with her non-existent relationship with Luke. Luke didn’t try to take me away ten years ago, and he definitely hasn’t done that since he’s been back. The only person taking me away from her is her.

“I think I’m going to give you two a minute,” Dr. Verdeem says, getting up from the stool he’s been sitting on since he came in so we could talk face to face without me having to look up. “I’ll see you on my next set of rounds, Hailey.”

Watching him leave, I wait until the door is shut to turn back to my mom. I don’t know if I’m ready to know or try to understand why she did what she did, but she’s opened the door, and I can’t help but walk through it.

“Mom, what are you talking about? Luke isn’t dangerous and he hasn’t tried to take me away. Ten years ago he was willing to move here because he knew I couldn’t leave you, and lately he’s been the one encouraging me not to hate you,” I tell her, shaking my head, trying to make sense of it.

“It’s not—him, so much,” she stumbles, wrapping her arms around herself, her forehead creasing. “He’s a very nice man. I can see he takes care of you, but Hailey, he’s—he’s always been, just, a bit… danger follows him.”

My eyes close and I reach up, pressing my fingers against my temples. If it weren’t for the drugs, I think I’d have a headache trying to understand what she’s talking about. Or maybe I’d understand if I wasn’t drugged. Taking a breath, I let it out slowly, trying to find my patience.

“Explain to me like I know nothing, mom. Please. Because I truly don’t. I don’t understand why you think this about Luke, or why you kept us apart all those years ago.” Opening my eyes, I gaze at her, my eyebrows pulling together. “And if I’m ever going to forgive you, which I’m not sure is possible, but if it is, I need to understand.”

“Oh Hailey.” She scrubs her face roughly. I give her the time, letting her collect her thoughts in peace, and then she slowly drops her hands, her eyes focused on her lap. “After your dad died, you were all I had left. I tried to keep you safe. Your whole life, I kept you from as much harm as I could because I was so scared of losing you.”

As a kid, I didn’t see it. It didn’t bother me when she said no to doing things because I understood from a young age how we were the only ones each other had. I think I felt her pain and fear, and I wanted to keep her from it where I could, so I didn’t rebel, I didn’t argue, I just went along with everything. I tried to make everything as easy as possible. And slowly started to allow her fears to become my own.

“I knew I wouldn’t be able to protect you when you went to college, but you had such a good head on your shoulders and had stayed out of trouble, and you were so keen on becoming a doctor that there wasn’t much I thought could get in the way of that,” she explains with a sigh. Then, with a sad smile, she lifts her eyes to me. “Until a boy came along.”

“Luke. But mom, I was already going to college, it wasn’t like he was taking me away from you, I was already leaving.” I frown at her, still not following.

She nods. “I know. It wasn’t so much the boy, as what the boy did. Do you remember coming home that first night after you’d met him? ‘Cause I’ll never forget.” She sits back in her chair, releasing a breath. “You came rushing in, told me all about going on the Double Drop, and how incredible it made you feel. How he’d been there for you at the top, when you’d been so scared, and how you’d kissed him when the ride was over. And I knew. In that moment, I knew how dangerous he was.” Her eyes shine in the dim light of the room, and I watch a tear slip down her cheek. “Because I knew right then that he could get you to do anything.”

“Mom, you couldn’t have known that. I mean, it’s not even true. Anything is pretty extreme.” Exasperated, I shake my head.

“Oh, my baby girl. I did know, because the look in your eye was the same one I had when I met your father. And that man could make me do anything, including jumping out of a plane,” she says, and my eyes widen to saucers, making her laugh. “Don’t look so surprised.”

“You consider trying a new coffee shop scary. There’s no way you’d willingly go skydiving,” I roll my eyes. The notion is ridiculous. She’s being ridiculous.

“Oh, but I did. And back then, I even kind of enjoyed it. There’s nothing quite like it,” she says, and the dreamy look that sweeps across her face, taking her god knows where, tells me how serious she is.

Sitting up straighter, my head shakes in disbelief. “Oh my god, what? You? You jumped out of a plane? Actually?”

“I suppose it must seem a little strange to you,” she says thoughtfully, pulling her attention out of her memories and back into the room. “But yes, Hailey. Me. Your dad was the love of my life, and he made me brave.”

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