Page 86 of Memories with Fire

The ER is shaped like a giant horseshoe, or a U, which is why most of us, plus the hospital staff, call it the shoe, with the nurses station being at the top of the U and on the left. Which means Hailey’s room is going to be the closest room to it. And nearly impossible to sneak into.

Guns blazing it is.

Turning away from him, I start jogging through the hall, finally reaching the emergency department. Luck is on my side. No one is at the nurses station, and there’s a flurry of activity I can hear coming from somewhere in the shoe.

Slowing to a walk so I don’t draw attention if someone were to come around a corner, I make a beeline towards the room Nate indicated. I’m five feet from it when the door opens, and Jordan steps out to stand in front of it, arms crossed over her chest, lips forming a thin line.

Dang it. I thought I was home free.

“She doesn’t want visitors,” Jordan states, tone firm like there’s no arguing with her.

Two choices face me. I could take her word for it, turn around, and walk away—though, I’d probably pull up a chair and camp out right outside the door until Hailey came out. Or I could do what I should have done ten years ago. Fight for her. Make her say it to my face.

Even if she kind of did that a week ago. If she truly doesn’t want me, I need to hear it again, because I don’t believe it. Rich, coming from me, the guy who never feels he’ll be believed, but maybe that’s why I know I need to fight. Because what I saw in her, what I felt from her, both that day at my house, and earlier today, I know she doesn’t want things to be over between us.

Taking a deep breath, I ready myself for an argument. Or to get down on my knees and beg. Or maybe pull out my wallet to bribe. Whatever it takes.

“Please. I need to talk to her.”

Jordan’s head tilts. “She doesn’t want to talk anymore. She needs to rest.”

“Jordan, I’m begging you, please let me in. Give me five minutes, and if she wants to throw me out after, I’ll leave, and I’ll make sure she never sees me again,” I plead, ready to drop down to the ground.

But then I catch it. The subtle motion of Jordan’s head. While she’s tilting it, she’s actually jerking it minutely towards the door. My forehead creases as I follow the motion and realize what she’s trying to say without words. The door isn’t closed completely. She’s got it propped open so our voices can carry inside.

“She doesn’t want to talk, Luke. You should probably leave her alone.”

Hope blooms in my chest and quickly spreads outward, filling my whole body and soul. Nodding my thanks, I inhale deeply, then exhale slowly. “I lost that woman once—twice if you include last week—and today I could have lost her permanently. I’m done losing her. If she doesn’t want to talk, that’s fine, I don’t need her to talk, I just need her to listen. I need her to hear me fight for her. And if she doesn’t want me after that, okay. But ten years ago I listened to people who weren’t her, and I refuse to do that again.”

Jordan and I stand there, staring at each other. Listening, waiting, hoping. At least I’m hoping. And by the twinkle in her eye, I’m positive she is too.

Ten seconds. Twenty. Then…

“Jor, let him in,” a nasally voice says from inside.

Relief sweeps through me, despite Hailey sounding like she’s been crying, and my shoulders sag with the feeling for one quick moment. My job isn’t done, though, and I take in a breath, stand up straight, and hold my head high as Jordan pushes the door open with her body. She gives me a small smile and nod, then masks it as she looks into the room at Hailey on the bed.

It’s mostly dark in the room, save for the light coming through the window to the left of the door that has a curtain covering it. The darkness must be helping with her concussion. It pulls at my heart to think about that, and for a second, I wonder if this should wait. She does need the rest.

“Don’t ask about her mom. That’s my only stipulation” Jordan says to my right, quietly enough I don’t think Hailey would be able to hear her. Then, louder, she adds, “Yell if you need to kick him out. I’ll station Nate at the door.”

I glance in her direction and narrow my eyes almost imperceptibly. She winks at me, gives me a pat on the bicep, and then slips past me. It makes me wonder how much she knows—how much Nate told her about Hailey and me. And what the two of them schemed up while I was locked away and Hailey was dealing with god knows what.

Leaving the door open a crack, mostly to give Hailey the peace of mind that she could yell, and someone would hear her if she needed to, I reach into my back pocket and take out my wallet.

“If your plan to fight for me includes throwing money at me, I’ll tell you right now it’s not going to work,” she says quietly, a hint of a smile in her voice.

When I look up after fishing something out of one of the pockets, the smile I heard is pulling at one corner of her lips, but when our eyes meet it vanishes. As though she doesn’t want me to see that me being here makes her happy. A wall. Nothing huge, but still there, ready to be erected with bricks forever, or ready to be ripped apart for eternity.

I’m going to shred the shit out of it.

“I thought you were done talking.” Raising an eyebrow in question, I move towards the bed. She bites down on her lip, and I can’t help but chuckle in response. “Good. Listening is what I need from you right now anyway.”

When I reach the side of her bed, I sit down on it, facing her, our thighs touching, though hers is covered by a blanket. She sits up a little, surprise making her eyes widen. This close I can see how rough she looks. Sallow skinned, red-rimmed and puffy eyes. She’s been crying, and it makes me want to rip the world apart to find whatever has been making her feel like that so I can destroy it with my bare hands.

“A little arrogant of you to think you can stroll in here and crowd me,” she huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. They fall a second later, with a small wince, and I look down at her hands in her lap, an IV sticking out of one.

Shoving back the anger that I’ll have to deal with one day, I flash her a dimpled smile. “Well, you once told me I make the ice melt, and I figure the closer I am, the quicker that happens.”

---