Page 59 of Memories with Fire

I bark out a laugh, not expecting the second half of her confession. Clearing my throat, I offer a tender smile. “I don’t know. Sounds like you had to go through a lot after the accident to get yourself to where you’re at. I’m sure that was pretty scary at times.”

“I guess,” she concedes. “But I did those things because I had to survive.” A frown has her pretty lips pulling downwards. “I don’t know if I’ve lived a day since you left.”

My heart pulls at the rawness of her statement. Not only because I feel for her, but because I think I know what she’s talking about from my own experience. “I can understand that.”

Her head lifts from her arm, the look on her face doubtful. “How? By the sounds of it, you’ve done nothing but live your life.”

This time my laugh doesn’t carry an ounce of happiness. “Maybe to everyone watching. Heck, maybe even to myself at times.” I push a piece of her hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. “You know I’ve always loved a good rush.”

She nods, the lock of hair falling back into her face.

“Before I met you, they always made me feel alive. There was nothing like that feeling of pure excitement coursing through me.” I tuck the piece back behind her ear again, my thumb running along the smattering of freckles on her cheek. “Then I met you. This brilliant, beautiful woman who was just bursting to come out of her shell. Watching that happen was like an adrenaline rush on steroids. I’d never experienced anything like it.”

Hailey’s cheeks are turning a pretty shade of pink which is probably why she shakes her head, denying what I’m telling her. “That doesn’t explain you understanding how I’ve felt the last ten years.”

I give a tug to the piece of hair that doesn’t want to stay behind her ear. “I’ve been searching for that feeling ever since I lost you. I’ve done everything I can think of to get it back, chasing every high I can without turning to drugs. So maybe it does look like I’m living.” I tap my hand against my chest. “But inside there hasn’t been anything going on. Firefighting and skydiving are the closest things I’ve got to getting that feeling back.”

There’s a full body shudder from her at the mention of it. “The thought of skydiving makes me want to hurl. I can’t believe you jump out of a plane willingly.”

“You saying you wouldn’t go with me?” I grin at her.

“Fuck no,” she tells me, horrified. “That’s not just a hell no, it’s a fuck no. There’s no chance in hell I’m getting on a plane with the sole intention of jumping out of it, only to rely on a little scrap of fabric to ensure I don’t die. And if you insist on doing it, please don’t tell me ahead of time. I don’t need that stress.”

Chuckling, my fingers slide into her hair, pulling her toward me. Our lips graze against each other’s, me grinning, her frowning. “Promise,” I mumble against her mouth.

We lay there kissing for a few minutes, slow and tender, exploring each other. I thought our first night together would be frenzied and frantic, but besides the round in the kitchen, it’s been anything but. We’ve taken our time, me especially, just enjoying each other and the way we fit together. I’ve been with more women than I care to count in the last ten years, but nothing has ever felt like this. Hailey was made for me. I was made for her. There’s no doubt in my mind about that.

I know there’s something on her mind when she suddenly lifts her head, ending the kiss. My eyes open to find her staring down at me, a sullen look in her green eyes.

“Luke?”

She’s hesitant, like whatever is on her mind isn’t something she wants an answer to. I smile when she pushes on, facing whatever uncertainty I see in her eyes.

“What happens if I come out of my shell again and stop giving you that thrill?” When her eyes slide to my chest, her face flushing with heat, I know there’s more. “If I even still give it to you now.”

The vulnerability she’s showing me is an answer in itself, but I know she doesn’t see that.

“You definitely still give it to me. It’s as easy as ever to get under your skin.” I tilt her chin up so she’ll bring her eyes back to mine. She finds me grinning at her. “That’s a rush unlike any other.”

As if to prove my point, she rolls her eyes at me. “Luke, I’m serious. I know what I get from you. What I always got.” The anxiousness in her is strong when her voice drops to a whisper. “I’ve never understood what you got from me. I think that’s why it was so easy to believe you’d just disappeared.”

Abruptly I sit up, forcing her up to straddle my legs. Wrapping an arm around her waist, I flip us over, pushing her back down to the sofa. One of my knees is pressed on the couch between her legs, while my other foot is on the floor, my upper body pressing against hers while I support my weight with my legs.

I want her full attention and to get it, I need her out of her head which is where she is right now. The surprise of my movement seems to have done exactly what I wanted because she’s staring up at me with wide eyes.

“Listen to me very closely,” I tell her with a sternness I don’t usually possess. “You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You always have been. You got yourself into Stanford on a full ride. You’re incredibly intelligent. You’ve got drive and determination. You made so many sacrifices growing up.”

I watch her swallow hard, her eyes never falling from mine. “That’s who I was,” she whispers.

“Are you telling me that’s not who you are now? Because I won’t believe it for a second.” Easing up just a little so I can see her better, my eyebrow raises. “The blind dates your mom set you up on? You telling me that isn’t self-sacrifice? Doing something you didn’t want to do for the sake of your mother?”

I’m not trying to bring up a wound by talking about her mom, but it’s the only example I know of thus far. She frowns at me but remains silent.

“Are you telling me the drive and determination isn’t there? Not sure someone without those things could recover from an accident like you had and then go on to become a paramedic. And a damn good one at that from what I’ve seen.” My eyes narrow at her. “Pretty sure a brainless twit couldn’t do that.”

“Okay!” she concedes. “Fine! Those things still apply, but that doesn’t explain what you get from me.”

“Everything, Hailey.” My tone is soft when I say it, imploring her to understand and believe me. Praying that just once someone will take me at my word. Hoping that if anyone in this world will, it’ll be her.

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