Page 56 of Memories with Fire

My dad sat me down one night when I was home for the summer between freshman and sophomore year. It was one of the rare nights I wasn’t out with my buddies, partying and getting into trouble. By then he knew what my grades were and how at risk I was of losing the football scholarship I’d worked so hard for. He also knew everything that had happened with Hailey and could see the slippery slope I was on. I credit finishing school and keeping my head above water to the chat we had that night.

My father, who has loved my mother since the day they met with all his heart and soul, who always believed in the sanctity of marriage, the word of God, and not having children until you’re wed, looked me in the eye and said, “If you find no other love in your life, that’s a cryin’ shame, but so be it. I’ll accept your choices of finding a new woman every night. I’ll even accept any grandkids that come my way because of it. But don’t you dare let that young lady mess up the rest of your life, boy. You find a different way to channel everything you’re going through.”

After the drama that went down in Waco, and all he had to endure because of me and my ways, I bet he’s eating those words.

I took his advice to heart, though.

Adrenaline was already a love of mine. Always had been. After that talk with my dad, I decided to channel all my pent-up energy into finding it, however possible. I started surfing more regularly with my roommate at college. Got into rock climbing, which turned into bouldering. Did my first skydive that year, which turned into an obsession. Basically, if I thought it would get my heart pumping, I was in.

It never filled the void, but it quieted the noise that the void seemed to make. The echoing sounds of Hailey’s laugh, the ‘tsk’ she’d make when I’d get under her skin, the way my name rolled off her tongue when I was pleasuring her. I did anything I could to silence all of it. Including screwing my way through half of Houston during college and all of Waco afterward.

I still heard her. All the time. Always in my head. Always questioning my choices, the reason I was doing things. Even ten years later, her voice is still the annoying little conscience in my head, pushing me to be a better version of myself. I didn’t always listen to it, especially when it came to my bedpost, but she was always there for the big stuff.

“Luke?”

I glance at Hailey without really seeing her, then do a double take. She’s staring at her legs in my lap. Following her gaze, I realize I’m holding onto her calf. Not just holding but squeezing. Immediately I release her, looking sheepish when our eyes meet again.

“Sorry.” I smooth my hand over the part I was holding onto, then give it a little pat as I sink deeper into the couch.

Grabbing the napkin lying beside me, mostly out of embarrassment, but also so Hailey doesn’t think I’m an uncivilized beast, I wipe my hands. Something I should have done the second my plate was on the table. Maybe then I wouldn’t have used her calf as some kind of stress ball.

“Are you going to expand on where you were? Cause it sure didn’t look like you were here with me,” she says, nudging my stomach with her knee.

I grunt because I’m full, my head falling back against the couch before turning to look at her. “Just settling after eating.”

Her eyes narrow. “I’ve seen you after a meal at the firehouse. That wasn’t you settling.”

“At the firehouse, I haven’t gone round after round of mind blowing sex.”

That earns me a smile. “Mind blowing, huh?”

“Woman, you squirted all over my kitchen. If that wasn’t mind blowing, I’ll be sure not to do it again.”

“I didn’t say that,” she exclaims, sitting up a little straighter. It tells me she enjoyed every moment of it. Shoving my shoulder playfully, she grumbles as she relaxes back against the couch. “Better do it again.”

I give her a shit eating grin. “I’ve been dreaming of all the ways, don’t worry.”

Squeezing her calf, gently this time, I roll my head forward, and stare at the black TV screen on the wall in front of me. We sit in silence for a few minutes, each of us with our own thoughts, neither uncomfortable with the lack of spoken words, just enjoying the moment of being together.

I’m about to suggest going back upstairs to get some sleep when she sits up again, causing me to look over. The seriousness in her green eyes tells me sleep isn’t going to happen anytime soon.

“How did you get here?” she asks. I open my mouth to answer but before any words come out, she adds, “Do not tell me you drove here. You know that’s not what I’m asking. Why did you move to Bear Creek?”

I release a sigh that’s heavier than intended. That’s a loaded question. While she deserves something from me, I meant what I said earlier about not wanting to talk about Waco and the reason my whole family, and a lot of my friends, turned against me. But she deserves the truth, even if it’s only half of it.I just got her back into my bed—I don’t want to be chasing her out of it. I’m just hoping that the part I’m willing to share doesn’t chase her away either.

“Isn’t that kind of obvious?”

Hailey shakes her head, gazing at me earnestly. “Not to me it isn’t.”

Sitting up, I turn towards her, lifting a leg to rest it on the inside section of the couch. Moving her legs so she’s got one on either side of my hips, I slide my hands up the length of her shins, over her knees. “So, you’re saying if I told you that you were the reason I moved to Bear Creek, you’d be surprised?”

I watch her shiver, her throat moving as she swallows thickly. “It’s been ten years, Luke.”

“And if you felt nothing for me after all these years, you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did when I first got to town. Why do you think that’s any different for me? Especially knowing what you know now.” I look at her questioningly, daring her to deny what I’m saying. “The only difference between us is that you were pissed I didn’t call. I got over my anger that you wouldn’t pick the phone up.”

When she opens her mouth to argue, I hold my hand up to stop her. “Hailey, it is what it is. You can’t deny that you were angry with me, and now I understand why. I was angry too. Confused and hurt. But I started to focus all that energy on other things, and one day I decided I wasn’t going to be angry with you anymore.”

“Just like that?” she asks me skeptically.

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