Page 45 of Memories with Fire

So, I know I’m not in some nightmare, about to wake up at any time. Luke is very much alive and he’s very much sitting next to me. As much as today has been a nightmare, this seems more dreamlike than anything. Never in a million years would I have thought I’d be sitting in his vehicle, hoping he would take me home with him. It wasn’t because I hadn’t hoped and wished and prayed with all my heart that it would happen. I used to do it all the time. I’d just given up, and become angry. Then depressed. At one point or another, I went through every stage of grief over Luke.

I promised myself never again. I would never love someone the way I loved him. I would never put myself in a position where I could be hurt as badly as I was.

Here I am, though. I tried to keep him out. I tried to put up a shield against him. Luke did what Luke does. He broke down the walls, and everything holding them up, despite my best efforts not to allow it to happen.

I don’t know. Maybe I wanted him to break through. Maybe it wasn’t as hard as I thought it was.

Either way, here we are. Staring at each other, both a little bemused, a little hesitant.

We know things changed between us today. While Luke says you can always go backwards, I don’t think we can after what we went through. How could I ever go back to being so angry with him that I wouldn’t want him to think about me, look at me, or talk to me? How could I go back to being awkward friends with him?

That leaves us with the path forward. Scary as it might be, I think Luke is worth the risk. Devastation so horrendous I don’t know if I would recover would likely happen if my heart gets broken again, but Luke makes me brave.

Taking a deep breath as I prepare to take the plunge, my cheeks feel hot while my head dips shyly to ask, “Can I stay with you tonight?”

Lifting his hand, he sweeps the backs of his fingers across my cheek. “You can stay at my place anytime you want, Freckles.” His tone is gentle, but the conviction I hear in it makes my heart expand for this man.

“Take me home then,” I whisper, turning my face into his touch. My eyes droop as he turns his hand, my face resting lightly against his palm.

My sweet, sweet Luke. I can only imagine the things he’s felt today. He hasn’t stopped touching me in some form since we got to the hospital. When the nurse, who happened to be Jordan, Nate’s sister, took me for x-rays, he held my hand until she wouldn’t let him go any further. When we got back a while later, he was standing there waiting for me, taking my hand as soon as he could. When Nate and Savanna called as we got to the Jeep after I was discharged, he sat quietly with his hand resting on my knee, content to just be close.

With one last brush of his thumb over my trail of freckles, he smiles before he leans over to brush his lips against my forehead. I sigh softly, joining him in that content feeling. Happy to be alive and beside him.

When we finally get on the road, I lean my head back and close my eyes, listening to the light rain splattering on the windshield. I hope it doesn’t take long to get to his place because I’m exhausted. And hungry.

Suddenly, I sit up, my eyes popping open. “Where do you live?”

He glances over at me, a sly grin sliding across his lips. “At the top of Grouse Road.”

My jaw drops open, disbelief shining in my eyes. “You live in Bear Creek? That’s why you were following me up the mountain. You weren’t following me; you were going home!”

“I was about to tell you that when the tree came down,” he says, wincing.

“A byproduct of your drive,” I say, falling back against the seat, remembering what he told me. I didn’t understand it then, but I do now. “I’m really glad it was.”

“Me too.”

I don’t know when he grabbed my hand, or when I grabbed his, but he squeezes it right then and I squeeze back, the memory of the first tree in both of our minds.

We lapse into silence as he winds his way back up the freeway until he hits highway twelve. At some point he mentions that Nate told him about an emergency services road that travels through the woods so we can get around the downed trees on the highway. When we get to the turn off, I show him exactly where to go, glad we’re in his Jeep instead of my little car. It’s a gravel road all the way up, and it isn’t smooth terrain.

“Do you want to stop off at your house for anything?” he asks, throwing me a sideways glance. “I could probably manage to get a window open somewhere since you don’t have your keys.”

“I keep one hidden,” I tell him, then nod. “It would be nice to have a few things.”

Like a toothbrush.

There’s a secondary reason I don’t want to stay at home. Bear Creek is a small town. Everyone has probably heard about the downed trees, and the girl whose car is at the bottom of the mountain. It’ll be spreading through town that the girl is me. When that happens, I know people are going to show up at my door, which is not something I’m prepared for.

The only person I texted was my mom, from Luke’s phone at the hospital, to let her know I was safe and unharmed. If she got word of the accident, and hadn’t heard from me, she would freak. Though, knowing her, she’ll probably still freak. She’ll just need to deal until I have more energy for her, though.

I direct him to my townhouse which is a street over, and lower on the mountain, from his place. He joins me inside, wanting to stay close I think, but I show him into the living room where he can sink into my couch for a minute while I go upstairs and make quick work of putting a bag together.

Halfway out my bedroom door, I stop when a shimmer from the first rays of sunlight in days catches my eye. It happens every time I walk out at this time of day. And every time I stop to look at it.

Hanging from a jewelry stand is a gold chain with a double infinity pendant with a diamond in the middle. Walking back to my dresser, I pick the pendant up in my palm and stare at it, remembering when I got it.

It was two nights before Luke left to go back home. We were sitting at the beach long after the sun had disappeared, wrapped in each other’s arms when he pulled out this little box. I couldn’t believe he had gotten me something, and when I opened it, I had gasped. It was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen in my life. Simple but classic.

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