Page 32 of Memories with Fire

Closing my eyes is always the first thing I do when I’m scared. Out of sight, out of mind is my theory, even if it doesn’t change a situation. I’ve always figured if I can’t see what’s coming, I can’t be scared of it.

“Open your eyes, Hailey,” Luke whispers, his lips right at my ear.

Open your eyes. Something he always used to tell me when I was scared. See the fear, feel it, then conquer the hell out of it. And somehow it always worked. Luke got me to do a million things by having me open my eyes. It was like opening up to the whole world.

Sucking in a deep, shuddering breath, my eyelids flutter then inch open until I’m staring at the tree in front of me. One more step and I’m off the plank bridge. It will have been completely conquered.

Luke’s fingers slip further into my palm, the warmth and safety of his touch loosening my grip on the cables. He rubs them along as much of my skin as he can with my fingers still curled around the wire, but with each pass, I let go more and more.

“Take my hands,” he says, and his breath against the shell of my ear has a thrum of electricity sliding through my whole body, which has me relaxing further into him. “You can hold onto me.”

He’s sturdy. Solid. Safe. Things I’ve longed for since I lost him. That I’ve never found in anyone else. And maybe I never wanted to. Luke’s safe isn’t the kind that would have me in bed by eight every night. It’s the kind where if this bridge fell in this moment, he would wrap himself around me and take the brunt of any fall if it meant keeping me safe. He’s the kind of safe that feels like a warm blanket wrapped around you after the toughest day. The one that chases all the bad away. The safe every girl dreams of.

Which also makes him dangerous.

Slowly my fingers release their death grip around the cable, my hands sliding into his. I can hear the smile in his voice as he says, “Good girl. Now take a step forward.”

I shake my head, terrified of that last step. It would be so easy to take it. One step onto the platform is all that’s left and then I’ve done the first obstacle. But that one step is so much more than just one step.

“Why not?” he questions, calm and soft.

“I’m scared,” I whisper honestly, my mouth bone dry. “Once I go forward, I can’t go back.”

There’s a chuckle in my ear. “Sure you can. You can always go backwards. You can always go back to where you came from, but where’s the fun in that? There’s no growth. No conquering what scares you.”

He scares me. Luke being back in my life terrifies the hell out of me. Opening the door for him to be my coworker, to be my friend… it feels like such a slippery slope.

He puts a foot on the same plank as mine, pushing me forward to the edge of the board. My hands tighten around his as my balance feels thrown off while he joins me on the same step, our bodies flush against each other. Warmth seeps into me, and I realize how cold the fear has made me, and how good he feels, but I can’t think about that.

Dangerous. Dangerous territory.

“You remember what it was like to do the things that scared you?” he continues. “I do. I remember watching you that entire summer. You opened your eyes, saw the world. I can still picture the joy and happiness on your face every time you conquered and overcame. Tell me you’ve had a better summer since.”

It’s like he knows I’ve lived in constant fear since. That all I do is play the safe game. It’s futile to try and lie, so I shake my head. “I can’t.”

“Don’t you want that again?” he questions, pressing his chest into my back more firmly, pushing back against me as I lean into him. “To say screw the fear and conquer things despite it? Feel the thrill, Hailey. Do the things that scare you because they make life that much better.”

I lean into him, my stomach swimming with nerves, feeling unbalanced by his forward pressure. “I’m not that brave. I’m not like you.”

“Yes you are. That’s an excuse you use so well. I’ve seen firsthand how brave you are, you just don’t see it in yourself. But I do, Hailey,” he says, squeezing my hands in comfort before his grip on me loosens. It makes mine tighten. “Be brave now. Prove to yourself what you’re capable of.”

“What if something happens?”

“Trust me. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”

My head whips around, angling awkwardly so I can look at him. Though he can’t actually make that promise, just like he couldn’t ten years ago, those are the same words he said to me more times than I could count. They were the words that meant everything to me that summer. From day one when he got me on the Double Drop, to the day he got me to jump off a cliff.

If this were ten years ago, those words would have me planting a kiss on his lips. Now, my eyes dart down to those lips, and I have to force myself to stay frozen in my place. Muscle memory. It’s only muscle memory.

“Okay,” I finally murmur, sucking in a sharp breath. “I can do this.”

I slowly peel myself away, but not because I think I can do this. Because I need to get away from him. From this closeness, and the memories, and the way my stomach swims with nerves that have nothing to do with this obstacle, or the rest of the course. And everything to do with him.

He’s right, he won’t let anything happen to me—physically, at least. I am safe.

Luke safe.

The dangerous kind.

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