Page 82 of Addicted Lies

Ford said it, but I immediately denied anything happening between us. And as much as I’ve hated on him these last few months, I realize he has a point. He’s been my dirty little secret. I always thought it was because I was too scared of how my brother would react, but Ford’s been willing to hit that head-on. I’ve just been too scared to give my heart over to him entirely.

I’m a fucking coward.

But sometimes, we run away from the precise thing that we’ve been asking for.

After sitting in the tension and self-flagellation for another thirty minutes, I decide to take my leave. Ivy says she’s going to stay, most likely because she’s four drinks in with Jewel, but I’m not exactly feeling social tonight.

I make up an excuse that I have some work to finish and say my goodbyes. Jewel follows me out.

“Thank you for helping today. I know no one believes I baked any of that stuff, but it’s the thought that counts, right?” she says with a shrug. I like that she makes these excuses up so that everyone can come and spend time together. My understanding is she doesn’t really have any family of her own, and I’m glad she’s starting to accept that she’s now part of ours. I never thought Eli would find love, but I’m glad he has it.

I give her a hug, surprised when she pulls me in tighter. “Your secret is safe with me. But if you two continue to do that, the others will find out. You were sloppy today.” My heart stalls at that because I know exactly what she’s talking about, and part of me wonders if she’s always known.

Does everyone know? Are we that bad at keeping it a secret?

But it’s only me who still wants to keep it that way.

“Thank you,” I whisper as my stomach drops to the floor, truly considering if it would be so bad if my brother found out. But my heart squeezes, terrified by how he’ll react because I don’t want him to hurt the only man I’ve ever loved.

CHAPTER 38

Ford

Eli tries to stop me on my way out, but I push past him. I need to know why she’s still ignoring me. She tells me she wants more from me, and the moment I try to give it to her, she shoves me away. She’s as much of a fucked-up contradiction as I am.

I manage to catch her before she gets into the cab, and I slip my arms around her waist, pulling her backward.

“What are you doing?” she squeaks, trying to wriggle free of my grip. She’s probably concerned that Dutton might see us, but I’m over caring who finds out. I’m over living for only them. If I ask for anything in this lifetime, it will be for her. Consequences be damned.

Even if her brother kills me for it, I want to know that she chose me, too.

And then I’ll simply haunt her for all of eternity.

I hold on to her tightly because if the only way I’ll keep her is by catching her, then we can play this game over and over again. “Come back to mine. I want you to do something for me,” I whisper into her ear.

“Ford, what if they see us!” she argues.

“I don’t care who sees us. I only agreed to keep us a secret to protect you.” Her body stills under my grip. “Stop running away.”

Something in that statement strikes her because she looks over her shoulder at me, her eyes wide and frightened. She’s scared. I let her go immediately. Is she scared of us? What could be us?

“Why are you doing this?” she asks quietly.

“Just come back to mine,” I plead. “Please.”

Mypleaseseems to surprise her. She swallows hard, glancing at the house where most of our loved ones are still gathered.

“Fine,” she agrees.

I open the passenger door of the cab and throw him a hundred bucks. “I’ll take her home.”

He smiles at the cash and nods. I never understood why Billie prefers cabs and subways over the drivers her parents happily supply. But I suspect it’s her desire for what she might consider an ordinary life.

I don’t look behind me to see if anyone notices us leaving because I don’t fucking care anymore. She’s quiet on the drive back to my house. I’m so used to the giggly and smiley Billie that I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Am I what frightens her? Am I just as undeserving of her as I’ve told myself all this time? But I reach for her, always with the possessiveness of a man who will take no other as his.

I want her to be all mine, and I know that’s fucking selfish as all fuck.

But I won’t deny myself any longer.

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