Page 66 of Addicted Lies

I throw my hands in the air as I turn on Dutton. “You’ll let me go on a date but not catch the subway?”

“One step at a time,” he growls in warning.

I shake my head. These guys are so unreasonable. I’d make for the subway if I didn’t know one of these oafs would literally come after me and throw me over their shoulder.

“Whatever,” I grumble as I grab my handbag.

Ford’s already waiting outside, holding the passenger door open. I’m sure if my brother had so much as the tiniest suspicion that there was something going on between me and Ford, he wouldn’t so easily trust him. Wouldn’t so quickly demand for him to take me home. And part of me really wishes Dutton hadn’t done it.

I silently slide onto the passenger seat and set my bag on my lap like it’s a weighted restraint that will keep me from doing something I’ll regret, like crawling into Ford’s lap.

It’s fucking torture being in his car. It smells like him. Feels like him. And I’ve fucked him so often in this car that my inner thighs begin to tingle with anticipation like I’ve been conditioned to the response.

My nostrils flare as I watch him stalk around the car and get in beside me.

“Put on your seat belt,” he instructs, not looking in my direction. I sigh, ever irritated by the bossy men in my life, but do as he says.

Silence fills the car for the first five minutes of the drive. I stare out the window, hating how his presence alone can so easily grate on me. Like a gentle caress without so much as any other physical or verbal interaction. This thing between us creates a palpable tension, and the longer we ignore it and try to step away from it, the stickier it feels, wanting to drag us back together. At least it has that effect on me.

I finally turn to face him at the same time, he looks at me and says, “You’re dating him?” His knuckles whiten from his tight grip on the steering wheel.

“You already knew that,” I say cooly. I won’t change my mind. No going back. Only forward. If dating Matthew is the thing that helps me step away from Ford altogether, and has the potential to be something more, then why shouldn’t I throw myself into it?

“More than one date?” he asks, looking for confirmation.

“There will be. Are you seeing anyone?” I question casually as if we’re just two friends talking, but the intensity between us is anything but casual.

“Like real dating or hallucinations?”

I can’t help the smirk that touches my lips at his words, the tension obliterating in a heartbeat. I hate that he can fucking do that.

He smirks, too, and it saddens me how natural it feels to be with him like this. How good it used to feel between us before our hearts and demands started getting in the way.

“You know I’m not dating anyone,” he answers.

“Why? You could have anyone you want,” I say, looking out the window. As fucked up as Ford is, a lot of women won’t care to look past his physique and personality. And although a pretty face doesn’t hide the crazy underneath, deep down, Ford is a good man, even for a killer. One day, someone other than me will see that if he’d let himself be seen in that way. The thought shrivels my heart.

“I don’t want just anyone. I only wantyou.”

I close my eyes, trying to push away the impact of those words. Trying to solidify the narrative in my head that we’re done. Because I’ve recently discovered that my greatest weakness is denying my urges and needs for Ford.

And I’m certain if I can get through this hurt for a man I can’t have because he’s incapable of giving his all to me, then I can get through anything.

So I rub my lips together and refuse to speak for the rest of the drive.

There is no us.

Addiction be damned.

We both need to come up for air.

I just hope that’s sometime soon.

CHAPTER 31

Billie

Iinvited Matthew to the party, and he accepted. Not that I thought he would decline, but I expected some kind of hesitation at the very least. He offered to pick me up and drive us there, and I agreed. I would usually call for a driver or just catch a cab, but since this is my first time bringing a date to a family event, I figured we better arrive together.

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