Page 93 of Addicted Lies

I jump to my feet and shout, “Stop!” He doesn’t hear me. He never does.

Dutton is struggling against Eli. A few punches are exchanged before Anya pulls out a gun and points it at his head. I reach for one of Ford’s crowbars, using whatever I have to make sure my brother doesn’t actually kill the man I love.

“She would be so lucky to have someone like my son. I don’t give a shit who you are. I’ll put a bullet in your brain if you try to touch my son,” Anya seethes. I’m surprised she hasn’t already pulled the trigger.

I shove past Hawke and Eli to stand in front of my brother. He doesn’t even look like himself right now, his blue eyes dilated as he glares at me, and it’s the angriest I’ve ever seen him, almost disgusted. How did I fuck this up so badly? I realize that this is simply another thing he couldn’t control. He could no longer control me, and I thinkthathas more to do with it than who I choose to have by my side.

Not that I have that right anymore.

“Outside,” I growl, and when he doesn’t move, I point the crowbar at him. “Or I’ll point that gun atyourhead instead.”

He seems stunned at my outburst, and Eli looks between us, an uncertain expression on his face. But whatever Dutton sees, he doesn’t challenge me. He shoves Eli off and storms out of the room. I turn to face the others. “I’m sorry for all the problems I’ve caused.” I put the crowbar down on my way out the door. I don’t deserve to hold onto this item.

“You didn’t cause this,” Hawke says quietly from the corner. Even if they have information I’m not yet aware of, I welcome his hate because I will never not feel responsible for this. I offer him a sad smile because I know I very much led us here. Even if something else was the catalyst for bringing a psychotic woman to prey on us, there were many things I had to apologize for. Many things I can’t unsee. Things I can’t undo.

I step into the hallway and find my brother pacing.

“How long?” he growls. “How long have you been fucking that street rat?”

Slap!The sound is loud and sharp as I smack my brother across the face. “Thatstreet ratgave his life for mine.” My hands are fisted in pure rage. “Enough of this bullshit! You do not own me. You do not control me. And you cannot hate the man I love!”

His mouth opens slightly and he frowns as if seeing me for the first time. His jaw begins to grind as I see the shift in my brother, evaluating me in an entirely different light… as if, for the first time he is taking me seriously.

“It’s not fair that you get to have your happily ever after with Posie while you still watch my every move, preventing me from living my life. I’m not a child, and I swear to God, if you try to interfere anymore, I’ll never speak to you again.”

“I don’t care about that. I want you to be safe and with someone who is worthy?—”

“Worthy?” I gasp wildly. “No one will ever measure up to your unrealistic expectations. You were the one who always complained about the expectations placed on you, but you forced your own prejudices ontome!”

His eyebrows furrow as he says, “I only ever tried to protect you.”

“Instead, you made me fearful of love. You made me want something I thought I couldn’t have. And when faced with it, I ran because it scared me. He might die because of me, Dutton. I don’t know what further proof you need of a man’s worth.”

Silence fills the hallway, and doctors avoid coming down the corridor. Most likely paid off for their discretion.

“He’s your friend. This has nothing to do with Ford and everything to do withyourinability to see me as an adult who doesn’t need or want your protection. Let me make my own decisions. Let me stumble and fall. Let me make mistakes, Dutton. Just please stop because yourprotectionfeels like a noose around my neck. No more.”

I see my mother and father round the corner, and they pause at the end of the hall.

“He’s your friend, and he needs you,” I remind him. “He would give his life for yours as much as he would mine. You don’t care where he came from or how he was raised. Because right now, you only care about yourself.”

But how am I any different from my brother? Adrenaline is pumping through my veins, and I want to fight for my love for Ford as much as I don’t feel worthy of it. But deeply rooted amongst all of it is a gripping fear and realization that loving Ford might always be like this. He could die at any moment in his line of work. The deeper I fall for him, the harder it will be to survive. I don’t even know if I can manage now.

Tears well in my eyes, and my brother seems unsure as to what to do. I always blamed Ford for not wanting to give me more, but I just sheltered myself from this kind of love, not realizing how much it would hurt.

I did this.

I hurt Ford.

If this is what love is, maybe I don’t want it because fuck it hurts so much.

I’m blaming everyone else again and yet the reality is, I’m a coward.

Run. Run. Run

I’m not welcome back in that room.

I’m not welcome out here.

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