Page 85 of Addicted Lies

He seems to think it over, momentarily prioritizing restraint, which I think is rather cute because I can tell it’s taking all of his control and willpower. “To be honest, I was always charmed by you, but I never allowed myself to get carried away with improper thoughts. It wasn’t until that night that I really jumped on the opportunity. You were my friend’s little sister, not someone I should have wanted to crawl between their legs to see what she tasted like.” He pauses. “That night in the club changed everything, even the way I view you. You were a girl willing to take risks and barrel through obstacles to get what you wanted and damn the consequences. I can’t even express how beautiful you are, it’s why I tried to push you away. I wasn’t raised like you, Billie. I’m scared I’ll taint you, make you dirty in some way.”

My eyebrows furrow. All this time, he was holding back, thinking of himself as something less than, and I never knew. I never want him to feel that way again.

“Ford, you make me happy. Well, most of the time.” I chuckle. “You are more incredible than you give yourself credit for. Not once did I think you were less than me. I want you to truly know that.”

His smile is small as he stares into my eyes. “Thank you, Chaos, but some things we will disagree on. I thought you’d get sick of me eventually. But then I became addicted to our lies. I didn’t think when we started that this would be an issue. I was happy to service your needs and benefit in the process.”

I agree with him because I didn’t think this would go on for as long as it has, either. And neither of us seem to know how to cut it off. It’s like we’re drawn to each other without us actually understanding how or why it happened. I’m not complaining about having him in my life, even though he thinks he makes everything darker. He doesn’t dim any of my light. If anything, he embraces the crazy inside me that’s willing to scorch messages in his front lawn and bend me over his knee as punishment for it. Heat starts pounding at my core at the thought, and my gaze lowers to his sizable cock again.

I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand what’s going on in his head, and he may never share that with me, but I won’t force it out of him, even if it kills me on the inside not to know.

“Kiss me,” I command, and without hesitation, he takes me as I am, his hands cupping my face and drawing my lips to his. I taste and bite at him, savoring this moment as he devours me. I never want this to stop. Never want us to end.

I grab his cock—my favorite toy and anticipate his every touch.

CHAPTER 40

Billie

Ford’s still sleeping peacefully a few hours later. I only ever stayed here for the full night once when I was drunk and brought Felix back, but I wonder, had I stayed any of the other nights, maybe I would’ve found enjoyment in watching this killer sleep peacefully. He’s beautiful, and I see the vulnerability in him now like it’s something I have to protect.

I manage to crawl out of his arms, which have had me in a stranglehold, wanting to keep me close. I take in his sleeping form, noting the new tattoo I inked on him, smiling at the crooked lines of the heart. I guess it matches mine, kind of like our feelings toward one another.

I quietly make my way to the door. When I pull it open, I see Hawke on the other side. I quickly step into the hall and shut the door behind me. Hawke stares at me, his usual smile absent. Instead, he looks mad.

This is so different from the Hawke I know. It’s like getting a glimpse of the killer he really is.

I step away from the door in case he wants to say something. I don’t want him to wake Ford as I’m sneaking out.

I laid awake next to Ford for at least an hour, trying to decide what I’m going to do about the conversation we had. He’s ready to take the leap, and I think I am too, but there’s still a part of me that remains terrified of what truly falling means, even if I’m already there.

Hawke points down the hall, indicating that I follow him.Fuck.He leads me to the kitchen, and I pick up Felix, using him to soothe me because I know this conversation isn’t going to be a smooth one.

“I would say I’m surprised to find you here, but I’m not,” Hawke says, crossing his arms. I’ve never been afraid of Hawke, not that he isn’t scary or intimidating—he’s both of those things. To me, he’s always been a family friend who eats everything in the house. But the man currently standing in front of me doesn’t look like the man I know. “I thought you two had stopped after I caught you at Bentley’s birthday party.”

“We did…for a bit,” I say quietly, as if being scolded.

He tsks, and it makes me bristle. Who is he to judge who we sleep with? He’ll fuck anything that moves.

As if reading my angry expression, he says, “My brother may be a badass killer, but I still look out for him, and I will do anything for him. He is my twin, after all. And I fucking knew something was up with him; I just couldn’t put my finger on it. He dove in like he would with any other addiction. I don’t think you realize how much your back and forth impacts him.”

“I didn’t know about his addictions and vices until recently.”

Hawke doesn’t seem surprised that I know, or he wouldn’t have spoken about it so openly.

“I was fucking there for all of it, and I can’t watch him relapse and be hurt again.”

“I tried to walk away,” I grit.

“You did a pretty shitty job of it if you ask me.”

I’m not even sure what to say to that. Is he angry at me? Is he angry at his brother?

He steps back and nods at the door. “I like you, little tornado, but I don’t like you for my brother.”

“I—”

“You’re too normal for him. While you may come from the same world we do, you’re a sheltered princess. The moment Dutton finds out about you two, he’ll try to kill Ford. And then I’ll get involved, and all that Ford’s built over the last few years will be ruined. He’s loyal to Eli as much as I am. You complicate that. I get it. You’ve been shielded for most of your life and wanted to have some fun. But my brother is not to be used by you anymore. Find someone else.”

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