Page 65 of Reckless Temptation

I found Sabrina quickly, and like it usually happened between us, she lifted her head and made eye contact with me. Knowing my gaze on her was something tangible she couldn’t ignore, I held back a wide grin. Smiling seemed wrong right now. We weren’t in the same boat as that sappy, young-love couple. I had to come to terms with not hurting her, but also not losing the stability at home so my mom could one day get the help she needed. Therapy. Medication. More therapy. George would be able to afford it. I wouldn’t.

Just seeing Sabrina calmed my soul. I’d wanted to escape the darkness that I was supposed to call my life, and she was the grounding rock I needed.

It didn’t look like she felt the same right now. I expected her to be nervous after how close we’d almost been found at that party she was working at. Maybe she needed more time to recalibrate. While I didn’t get off my bike or approach her, just spying on her from this distance, I saw how she tried to ignore me. Even if she wasn’t attempting to avoid me, she was busy. From what I could tell, she was more or less the coordinator for this event. She directed people where to take bags of plastic trash. She walked along others on the sand, grabbing debris and putting it inher own container. Later, she got a clipboard out for interested volunteers to probably pledge to something.

If I ever doubted she had a good heart, I had all the proof here and now. She cared—about the environment, about normal, everyday citizens and neighbors, and about justice. And it wasn’t for show. She was here on the frontline, ready to get dirty with everyone else and do her part.

It didn’t take long for that familiar envy to rise up in me. She cared. She was a generous, giving soul.

But she won’t care about me.

Not like I wanted her to. So far, I was the object of her reluctant affection. I knew she desired me, but seeing how capable she was at opening her heart for others, I wanted in on that love too.

Fuck. Love?

It should’ve scared me how quickly I could let my thoughts veer in that direction.

The longer I stood around and watched her like the stalker I’d become for her, I realized that this area was somewhere I used to go as a kid. Before the first leukemia diagnosis came, back when I was a naïve, happy-go-lucky kid, Dad would bring me and Mom out to this area. We’d pick shells. We’d chase waves. Have picnics. Build sand castles. All of it.

Instead of morphing into the usual pit of sadness and grief that came with thoughts and memories of my dad, something else struck me.

He’d be so ashamed of me.

If my dad were alive to meet Sabrina, he’d welcome her into the family. He’d like her, a fellow good-hearted and giving person. And if he knew what I had done to a good girl like her, if he knew what I was trying to do, he’d be so damn disappointed in me. Even after his death, he had that impact on me.

I hung my head and hated myself a little more for being caught between falling in love with the wrong girl and hoping I could save my mom and help her the best I could.

23

SABRINA

The beach cleanup event wound down before I could feel fried out here under the sunshine. It went off without a hitch, as they usually did. This wasn’t my event. I hadn’t coordinated it. A local gardeners’ group put this cleanup on every quarter, and I was a regular volunteer. They were so familiar with me that they’d deemed me a supervisor.

When I spotted Nick on his bike nearby, I wondered if he would cause issues being here. After running away from him at that party, I fell back into the big question-mark territory of not knowing how to handle him. Or how to handle this forbidden attraction that wouldn’t fade for him.

He’d kept his distance, though, just standing there and looking. I liked that he’d come, almost as if he had to see me to stay sane. I felt like that too, but as I realized my bully had become one of the most important people in my life, I shook my head at the strangeness of it all.

He was my bully, yet now I enjoyed the notion of his looking out for me and watching over me.

Crazier things have happened.

Riding the high of doing good and helping the environment, I smiled as I patiently helped the gardeners gather up the last of their things.

“Thanks, Sabrina,” the coordinator said once we put the last bag of plastic recyclables near the road where they’d be picked up. “Again.” She laughed. “You’re our favorite volunteer.”

I grinned, not at her praise but at the happiness that came with doing something good. “Thanks for letting me help!”

It didn’t hurt that I was around like-minded, altruistic souls all morning. And it was a huge benefit to get a few more signatures for my pool fundraiser. It seemed like I would never stop finding genuine support if I took the risk to go out and look or ask for it.

Before I walked back to the car, which now had a repaired tire, I glanced again at a woman who’d shown up near the end.

Something about her seemed vaguely familiar, like I’d seen her before. I couldn’t place a name to her face. But it was the sadness she showed so clearly that made me keep glancing back at her.

Maybe she’s lonely?

Mom and Dad always warned me not to let my big heart rule meallthe time, but I couldn’t shut off my empathetic nature.

Deciding she might be someone who could use a friend, I approached with a small smile. “Hi.”

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