Page 80 of Broken Chorus

Aaron could feel his cheeks heating up as they mocked him, yet still he couldn’t find the words to even curse them out. Swallowing, Aaron just kept his eyes on the floor in front of Declan’s chair. If he had enough guts he’d bolt for the door and never look back. When the chair got closer, he realized there wasn’t enough room to move, let alone flee back to the main cabin.

Declan’s grip was solid when he reached out and squeezed Aaron’s shoulder. It was so surprising that Aaron jerked his head up and found himself looking into brilliant blue eyes and a frowning face. “I’m beginning to think I might have misunderstood why you don’t want me around.”

“I just…I’m gonna say something stupid, or insensitive, or out of line somehow and I don’t want to accidently offend you just by being me,” Aaron blurted. “And now Dani is scared of your chair or chairs in general and I don’t know what to say to not make it worse and the whole thing is a mess and I’m supposed to fix it but I don’t know how to fix it and I didn’t know how to ask how to fix it without rambling and saying something stupid that would piss you off instead of getting me the answers I’m supposed to find and I don’t know how to stop seeing just that chair when…when it scares the hell outta me because sometimes I don’t see you, I see my Pop-pop and I wanna get as far away from it as humanly possible and that’s not your fault either and I just…I’m not trying to be an ass about it but I can’t stop panicking when I see it either and I forget how to breathe or talk without being a sarcastic asshole ‘cause sarcasm is easier than a conversation when I’m trying to remember words that won’t get me hurt.”

Aaron finished his stream of thought rambling out of breath and slightly panicked that he’d managed to screw up regardless of his best efforts not to.

Declan was studying him intently, one eyebrow arched like he was waiting to see if Aaron was done.

“Ya know, I kind of wondered about that on family day,” Declan said. “I wanted to ask you about it, but I didn’t want to do it in front of the others.”

Try as he might, Aaron couldn’t remember what he’d done on family day to make Declan feel like they needed to have a conversation. “I-I’m sorry. Whatever I did to offend you, I didn’t mean it.”

“Dude, you need to relax. Seriously. You didn’t do fuck all, in fact, that was kind of the problem.”

“Huh?”

“We were sitting there at the table, bullshitting, and ribbing each other, only when I said something a little to the left, you didn’t respond the same way you did to everyone else. You flipped Kelly off, twice, for shit he said. Hell, you even flipped Cade off and he’s not even a member of the band.”

“Yeah, I prolly need to watch myself with that shit.”

“No, you don’t, that’s exactly my point,” Declan said. “The best way to help assimilate new people into a group is not to treat them like they’re new. Do you seriously think I’ve never been told off, flipped off, or cussed out since I’ve been in this chair. I have and I’ve deserved it. I’ve been an absolute dick to people and they’ve called me out on my shitty behavior.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Cade murmured. “I still remember when you first came home from the hospital.”

“Fuck, I was a nightmare.”

“Yeah, you were, but we love you and we got through it,” Cade said, settling a hand on his twin’s shoulder.

“I don’t get it,” Aaron admitted.

“Let’s just say that after his accident, someone decided that they were incapable of doing anything and insisted upon doing nothing,” Cade said. “Wouldn’t even pick up a drumstick,despite there not being a damned thing wrong with his hands. It didn’t help that our old man insisted that the rest of us cater to his every whim. He couldn’t stop feeling guilty about being the one to take us snowboarding in the first place. It took some serious tough love to get Declan to start doing things for himself.”

“Our point is, just because I’m in a chair, doesn’t mean you have to talk to me differently, or act differently around me, or stop being yourself when I’m around. In fact, I would really appreciate it if you’d stop doing those things,” Declan said. “As for your…I’m going to assume grandfather and your issues with him, I’m sorry if the chair is triggering for you and apparently for Dani too. I won’t pry, but I’ll listen if you ever want to talk about it.”

“Was that seriously your only reason for being shitty about having my brother in the band?” Cade asked.

“No.”

“Okay, then what were the other ones?” Cade asked.

Aaron sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve played at a lot of venues, and I can’t recall a single one where the stage has wheelchair accessibility. Some of the festival settings are pretty gnarly too. It’s hard enough to get through some of the crowds when you’re walking, so wheeling, I can’t even imagine how the hell that’s supposed to work. Then there’s tour bus designs, radio stations, basement signings and meet and greets. It’s a logistical nightmare, and we’ve always insisted on all member of the band being at those things so we weren’t cheating the fans out of the opportunity to meet everyone. I always hated it as a fan when I’d go to an event and two members would be signing and the rest wouldn’t even bother to come out to meet the people who’d paid good money to be there.”

The look Declan gave him, well there was a matching one on Cade’s face too. They were both staring at him like he’d justbeamed down from a spaceship, and damnit all, when would he learn not to speak the rambling thoughts that ran through his head.

“Look, my Pop-pop was never very patient about me getting him in and out of places. It was a bitch sometimes ‘cause I wasn’t exactly strong enough to manage it and he was a bastard to me when I struggled to maneuver him the right way. Most times I wasn’t doing it right and he’d get pissed and could be super fuckin’ mean about that shit. I just…I don’t know how to help properly. I didn’t wanna fuck up and tip you out of it or anything and have you pissed off at me for fuckin’ up.”

“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me,” Declan muttered.

For his part, Aaron remained silent, since he wasn’t kidding, and he didn’t know what else to say. Then Cade started laughing, shoved away from the couch, and headed to the kitchen, muttering beneath his breath.

“See. This is exactly what I meant,” Aaron insisted, wishing Declan would back away so he could leave too. “I open my mouth and stupid shit comes out.”

“Someone said that to you a lot, didn’t they?”

Aaron shrugged, because the last thing he wanted to talk about was growing up in his grandparents’ home where him doing something right was such a rare occurrence that there should have been a ticker tape parade the few times that it happened.

“Nevermind, you don’t have to answer that, the truth is written all over your face.”

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